Source: theblemish.com

John Mayer gave an impromptu press conference in New York City on Saturday about his breakup with Jennifer Aniston. It wasn’t very interesting.

“If you guys are going to run stuff and run every lie under the sun, have somebody stand up for somebody,” the singer challenged. “Have me as a man who ended a relationship stand here and write some truth. Have me stand up for somebody and write that Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I’ve ever met.

Mayer snapped at a reporter who asked if he’s dating anyone else.

“Why are you asking me that question? I’m being as honest as I can possibly can be,” he responded. “I ended a relationship because there is no lying. I ended a relationship to be alone because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right. I don’t waste people’s time.

“I don’t do ‘the taper,’” he continued. “I guarantee you [that] 20 percent of the people on this street right now who are in a relationship wish they could get out but they don’t know how. And I’m going to be honest on the way in to my relationships and I’m going to be honest on the way out of my relationships.”

Friends of Aniston say John is an attention whore and was leeching off Aniston, enjoying the movie star treatment the whole time he was with her. This is apparently why Aniston dumped him.

“He has a relationship with certain paparazzi (and) bloggers,” the source said. “He tips them off. He loves the attention. Jen didn’t want to believe it was happening, but it was, and she has no tolerance for that.”

Jennifer won’t be making a statement and if she did, nobody would care. Jennifer could be on fire and people would just shield their eyes and yell at her for being too bright.

Source: theblemish.com

Kim Kardashian finally put her ass-ets to use by dancing with ex-tranny hookers at Pure in Vegas. Kim’s rendition of stripper cabaret began after lead she-male Pussycat Dolls member, whatsherhorseface, introduced her. Judging by the forced erections throughout the room, the night was a success. Audience members quipped that they’ve never witnessed so much sexual confusion in one place. Unless you count the last sausage-fest of a party you threw.

Source: theblemish.com

Madonna and 90 of her closest friends celebrated her 50th birthday over the weekend. Much to her disappointment, 40 of those friends were her backup dancers and the rest were no one of note. Guy got up and, most likely as a result of a lot of alcohol, said, “She looks better now than she ever has done. I’m so proud. I love her so much.” Madonna’s unfortunately unibrowed daughter sang Never Alone from Fame after which Madonna gave a 30 minute speech.

Of the guests at the £100,000 party, 40 were Madonna’s dancers. A friend said: “She loved it when her songs came on. Her dancers were pulling out all the moves, breakdancing around her. It was like a final rehearsal for the tour.”

One day you’ll be lucky enough to attend one of these parties where 50-year-olds grind around the dance floor using moves they ripped off from strippers. Just don’t forget about the theme: Disgusting. So, it’d be a good idea to bring your grandma dressed in stripper heels and edible panties. You want to win the dance off don’t you?

Source: theblemish.com

If you stare really hard, you can kind of see through Meagan Good’s dress. You can do this and pretend to have x-ray vision like Superman. Watch your nerd dreams come true before your very eyes!

Source: theblemish.com

Samantha Ronson wasn’t Lindsay Lohan’s first female lover a source tells News of the World. Months before Ronson, Lindsay was with Courtenay Semel and even shared a place together (some evidence to their relationship here). At the time, Lindsay was confused about her sexuality and never went public as she did with Samantha for fear of ruining her career. Allegedly, when Lindsay was with Semel, she would bang a lot of dudes and snort a lot of coke in an attempt to “suppress her urges”.

“But eventually she just gave in and at every party they’d kiss and touch each other in the corner. It’s a miracle nobody found out.

“Both of them would do lines of cocaine in the toilets then head home and fall into bed together.”

Lindsay’s relationship with both Semel and Ronson devolved into a warped love triangle before Semel, tired of the men Lindsay kept bringing home, moved out and Ronson became her true love.

Hollywood seems fun. The only love triangle I ever had was a heart I drew on a valentine that sort of looked like a triangle. It didn’t lead to bi-sexuality and coke fueled orgies though. It was more stifled laughter which turned into frenzied pointing and ear shattering guffaws. I wish I could just forget yesterday.

Source: theblemish.com

There were a few other Kate Beckinsale bikini pictures today, but they were dotty, not unlike a magic eye poster. I’ll spare you from going cross-eyed staring at them only to find out you weren’t staring at Kate in a bikini, but at a dolphin jumping through a ring of fire (so cool!). Instead, here are a few old ones from earlier this month. Appreciate them… or else.

Source: theblemish.com

Last week it was brought to everyone’s attention that Craig Robinson, Darryl from The Office, may have a drug problem. On June 29 he was pulled over for a traffic violation in Culver City, CA. Upon searching his vehicle, a cornucopia of drugs including meth and ecstasy were found. According to TMZ, the DA has charged Craig with possession and being under the influence of cocaine, amphetamines and cannabinoids.

No word on how this is affecting Kelly Kapur. No one’s even sure if she even knows yet as she’s still staring at herself in the mirror and coming up with different ways to make Ryan jealous. However, it is fairly certain that Michael Scott will make a comment about drugs and black people. There’s a 50/50 chance he’ll do this in “urban speak”.

Source: theblemish.com

Last week it was brought to everyone’s attention that Craig Robinson, Darryl from The Office, may have a drug problem. On June 29 he was pulled over for a traffic violation in Culver City, CA. Upon searching his vehicle, a cornucopia of drugs including meth and ecstasy were found. According to TMZ, the DA has charged Craig with possession and being under the influence of cocaine, amphetamines and cannabinoids.

No word on how this is affecting Kelly Kapur. No one’s even sure if she even knows yet as she’s still staring at herself in the mirror and coming up with different ways of making Ryan jealous. However, it is fairly certain that Michael Scott will inevitably make a comment about drugs and black people. There’s a 50/50 chance he’ll do this in “urban speak”.

Source: theblemish.com

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard were making out at the beach over the weekend. Well, it’s not so much making out as it was Dax Shepard trying to see how far he could shove his tongue down her throat. He considers that foreplay.

I hope this relationship is part of an elaborate joke that I don’t get. Maybe it’s building up to something big. Like, they’ll take a romantic stroll down a pier, alone, and while they admire the vicious waves crashing into the jagged rocks below, Kristen will push Dax in, laugh and gleefully shriek, “You got Punk’d!” That makes more sense than this.

Source: theblemish.com

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi wed in an intimate ceremony Saturday night at Ellen’s home in front of only 19 guests.

DeGeneres’s mom Betty and de Rossi’s mother Margaret Rogers (who flew in from Australia for the occasion), who witnessed the couple exchange handwritten vows.

“She’s taught me lessons about myself, and I feel like I’ve taught her,” the TV host said of de Rossi last year. “We’ve both changed and grown, and we just feel like, ‘Oh, okay, this is completion.’”

Ellen looks like the kind of person who’ll just lie there during sex, mouth slightly open, pointing to where she wants it like some sort of lesbian Jabba the Hut. As it turns out, she must be great in bed for Portia to marry her. Which makes sense because ugly people usually have redeeming qualities such as this. It comes from many lonely nights of practicing with their pillow.