Source: theblemish.com

A few blogs reported through sources (read: wild imaginations) that Amanda Beard and Michael Phelps hooked up / are dating. This video may be evidence to the contrary. Amanda called into the Johnjay and Rich show to deny the rumors. Her exact words were, “eww, eww, eww, eww,” and “C’mon, I have really good taste.”

Oh, I know, right? Michael Phelps is a goofy looking bastard and Amanda is a Greek goddess. Why would she ever willingly, without a gun to her head, date a guy (eight time gold medal winner in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, fourteen overall) who’s so obviously beneath her (two career gold medals). She’s Aphrodite incarnate.

Source: theblemish.com

Isla Fisher (Wedding Crashers) is married to Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) and they just had a baby together. Here’s Isla doing cartwheels on the beach in a red one-piece bathing suit. Fascinating. I hope we can agree that this has been an illuminating experience for all of us. Ultra HQ of header photo here.

Source: theblemish.com

Lily Allen was leaving Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club with TV host Miquita Oliver, happily fisting the air when some girl started heckling her. Lily didn’t take too kindly to that and punched the girl three times before her friends forced her back to the car. The woman seemed amused which leads me to believe that not only does Lily Allen punch like a girl, her fists must feel like rainbows and sunshine and yield the same damaging results as being hit by soft, puffy clouds. There’s no doubt that this would feel amazing on my balls.

[Images via Daily Mail and Splash News]

Source: theblemish.com

OMG, OMG, OMG! Blurry photos of Kate Beckinsale snorkeling in a black and white bikini? Can this day get any better? If I can find enough loose change underneath my couch cushions to buy lunch from the dollar menu, then yes it can.

It’s like she’s staring right at me in the header pic. Ahh, I’ve been found out.

Source: theblemish.com

Jennifer Lopez filmed a segment for Good Morning America on Aug. 18 where she talked about her training for the Malibu Triathlon. Of course, after they finished taping, she couldn’t help but be a whiny bitch and complained about people paying more attention to Michael Phelps, who made Olympic history with eight gold medals, than to her running a triathlon. MSNBC says:

[Jennifer] was overheard saying after the segment that she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer,” according to a GMA source. “She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ ”

One only hopes that organizers employ spotters for the swimming portion of the race. I imagine she’ll be thrashing around in the ocean for a long time, swimming at an amazing pace of one foot every half hour and she’ll start drowning 35 minutes into it, only to have her buoyant ass save her.

Source: theblemish.com

First the good news: Kelly Brook is in a bikini again for the hundredth time. She practically lives in that thing. Plus, the doughy Billy Zane isn’t with her so you won’t have him creeping into your fantasies when you look at these. Now the bad news: She’s not topless. As kids tend to say these days, Epic fail.

Source: theblemish.com

Avril Lavigne may be banned from Malaysia for the same reason I was. Being too sexy. Islamic opposition has requested the Malaysian government cancel an Avril Lavigne performance on Aug. 29 on account of it being “too sexy” for locals.

“It is considered too sexy for us…it’s not good for viewers in Malaysia,” party official Kamarulzaman Mohamed was quoted by the Associated Press as saying. “We don’t want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models.”

E! Online says Malaysia often bans obscene behavior on stage. What is obscene? Jumping, shouting, hugging and kissing or displaying any sexual imagery or drug references.

On second thought, they should cancel this concert. If this is true, it’ll be pretty boring and maybe a little creepy. Her fans will be standing around glassy-eyed like kids from Children of the Corn. The only way you can tell they’re rocking out is by them swaying side to side. But no more than 1.5 inches to the left or right. Anything past that and they’ll be caned.

Here’s Avril being obscene.

Source: theblemish.com

Yesterday, a few pictures of Kate Beckinsale in an orange bikini showed up. I’ll admit it was pretty cool, but today, more photos from that set have come out and they’re awesome. Because Kate Beckinsale is hot. This is even better than when we discovered penicillin. Suck on this Sir Alexander Fleming.

Source: theblemish.com

In the beginning of August, Christina Applegate discovered she had an early form of breast cancer. In an interview airing today, Christina tells Good Morning America, “I’m clear. Absolutely 100 percent clear and clean. It did not spread. They got everything out, so I’m definitely not going to die from breast cancer.”

Christina also reveals to GMA that she had a double mastectomy three weeks ago to completely rid herself of the cancer cells and will have reconstructive surgery.

“I’m going to have cute boobs ’til I’m 90, so there’s that,” she joked in the interview, which aired Tuesday. “I’ll have the best boobs in the nursing home. I’ll be the envy of all the ladies around the bridge table.”

Plastic surgeons are awesome. Fifty years ago, reconstruction would have made Christina’s breasts look Frankenstein-ish or Tara Reid-ish. Now we’re so advanced, you can have gel implants and they’ll feel like the real thing. I hear they’re even developing cup holders and flashlights for them now. Is there anything science can’t do?

Source: theblemish.com

If you thought you had shamed Heidi into forgoeing a music career, then you obviously weren’t effective and may need to shame a little harder. Meant to coincide with the awful reality series The Hills’ premiere tonight, Heidi called into Ryan Seacrest’s KISS-FM show and debuted her new single Overdosin’ which she explains is “when you fall in love with someone… and you’re just overdosing off of their love.” Whoa, that’s deep. Enjoy the feeling of 100 chainsaws slicing through your skull? Then listen to the song conveniently synced to a montage of fake, posed candids.