Source: theblemish.com

Model, mother, model mother Stephanie Seymour hit St. Bart’s over the weekend for a staged photo shoot and holy crap. She’s 40 and looks amazing. She has four kids spanning two relationships ranging in ages from 4 - 17 yet her body makes Tara Reid cry. Seriously, if Tara Reid saw these, she’d lock herself in the bathroom and go, “I’m so ugly, I’m so ugly.” Granted, no one would run to the door to check on her because she’s Tara Reid so she’ll be in there however long it takes to realize she’s not getting the attention she wanted. Maybe an hour at most. More pics in the gallery.

Source: theblemish.com

Amy Winehouse hit St. Lucia (I think?) over the weekend and thought it’d be a fantastic idea to go topless. She was right. It was! In these stunning, low quality (booo), pictures of Amy, you can see her frolicking on the beach with her tits hanging out.

If that doesn’t get you all hot and bothered, The Sun has a video (check it out under the cut) of Amy dancing topless on her balcony. They describe it as “lurching from side to side” which is as apt a description as any.

I’m surprised the cameraman filmed as long as they did. You couldn’t even use the footage if it was me. It’d look like I was reenacting the Blair Witch Project. The only difference being the camera would stop every couple minutes and you’d hear this horrific dry heaving noise out of frame.

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Source: theblemish.com

A guy named Ian Halperin wrote a biography on Michael Jackson which claims the mask enthusiast is in dire need of super Robitussin. He says Jackson suffers from Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency, a rare and fatal genetic disorder, can’t breathe right due to emphysema and has gastrointestinal bleeding.

“He’s had it for years, but it’s gotten worse,” Halperin told In Touch magazine. “He needs a lung transplant but may be too weak to go through with it … [But] it’s the [gastrointestinal] bleeding that is the most problematic part. It could kill him.”

Ian also claims the singer is 95% blind in his left eye and can barely speak. Jackson was seen earlier this year being pushed around in a wheelchair. Most recently, Jackson was photographed wearing a Zorro mask. Because Zorro is awesome.

It’s weird enough to be hit on by a mask wearing white guy, who’s really black, cradling a pet monkey, but add in an eye patch, wheezing and more kids being taught about stranger danger and I can see why Michael’s sex life went to shit.

Source: theblemish.com

No one wants this, but it’s happening anyway. Lisa Rinna, 45, confirmed that she is posing for Playboy. Again. She told Extra, “I’m the worst liar on the planet, I can’t lie, so… I think that could be a yes.”

Yet more proof Playboy is about to fold. The magazine used to be something little kids found under their dad’s bed and whacked off to. Now it’s become this marvelous tool to help bulimics facilitate gagging. The last thing I want to do is check out a 45-year-old with duck lips naked. No matter how much airbrushing is involved. You could tell me they copy and pasted a naked Megan Fox over her and I’d still try to punch my fist through the entire magazine before you could even flip it open. I can’t take any chances.

Source: theblemish.com

American Idol has yet to premiere but the annoying reports about Paula and Simon are flooding in. Today it’s a story that Simon may not return to the series that brought him the most notoriety. They’re hoping to surround the show in an air of mystery and keep everyone guessing whether or not they’ll get to see their beloved villain, Simon, again. The suspense is killing me!

“I’ll make a decision about (whether to stay with the show) next year,” Cowell said Dec. 17 in his own call with reporters. His inclination to make a call about staying with the show doesn’t come from personality conflict as much as it does workload, however. “This show could continue for another 10 years,” he conceded.

Here’s a hint. Simon is coming back. He has his own label but American Idol is his bread and butter. Not coming back is like saying you’d only bang Jessica Alba once. Yea, right. You’d hit that so many times that when Jessica got up to leave, it’d look like she was walking on two wet noodles. That’s assuming she somehow untied herself from the bed posts.

Source: theblemish.com

According to Popcrunch, Britney hates her life enough to date Paris Hilton’s ex, Benji Madden. In Touch reports that they’ve been secretly seeing each other and were spotted once at The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills. If you’re wondering how these two yahoos met, credit Britney’s dad, Jamie. He made up a list of acceptable boyfriends for Britney which included: Chace Crawford, Jesse Metcalf and that goofy bastard, Michael Phelps. Britney’s manager, Larry Rudolph, called everyone to set up a date, but the only one interested was Benji. Because anything is a step up from Paris Hilton. At this point he’d be happy with a walrus with lipstick.

Larry isn’t just helping to break Britney’s imposed dry spell though. He’s hoping to use her new relationship to promote her album and upcoming tour. He’s a forward thinker, he is. In Touch says “he plans to make a big, splashy announcement to help publicize her upcoming tour.” In other words, expect to see Britney spiral into madness yet again after this relationship fails next month. Her new managers can’t be good for her hair.

Source: theblemish.com

Rihanna pulled her pants down in front of a fan to show off her tattoo. MeetTheFamous got the picture. It looks like Hebrew or some other voodoo language. I’ve been told it translates to, “If you can read this, you’re standing too close,” but they told Rihanna it says, “Health, wealth and happiness.”

Source: theblemish.com

Christina Aguilera had a Clockwork Orange themed birthday party last night. Christina and the missing link wore the requisite all white outfit with suspenders. Missing were the bloody eyeball cuff links, codpiece and a gigantic penis art piece to bludgeon the birthday girl with.

Source: theblemish.com

Of course Brooke Hogan is shopping without a bra. How else would her fugly ass get attention? Through hard work and dedication, you say? Wow, dude. You sound totally gay.

Source: theblemish.com

Here’s Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel at the premiere of Yes Man which is basically an updated version of Liar, Liar. Zooey’s looking great. Much prettier than her sister. That’s something you don’t want to say to her face by the way. My bruised gonads can attest to that. Also, if you do decide say it to her face, make sure you say it to Zooey, not Emily. You also might not want to follow it up with, “I want to F you so bad.”