Source: theblemish.com
For whatever reason, all these English musicians are going topless. This time it’s Lily Allen. She doesn’t quite do it for me (she always looks like she’s searching for her next ham sandwich), but it’s always nice to see tits 2 days before Christmas. Plus it makes that Santa look like a real jerk if he doesn’t show up with that bus load of strippers I asked for.
Source: theblemish.com
It’s official. Someone get Stephanie Seymour a job. She’s in dire straits if she’s gone from bathing suit to bikini in a matter of a day. But don’t help her out just yet. Let’s see if Stephanie’s desperation forces her to take off her top.
Source: theblemish.com
Pete Wentz went on SIRIUS’ The Morning Mash Up! and started flapping his gums again. This time about the taste of Ashlee’s breast milk. According to Pete it was, “soury” and “weird.” Coincidentally, that’s the exact opposite of how he described semen.
Pete then talked about his weight gain. He walks around at 135 and gets “fat face” at 148. I’m not sure what “fat face” is but I assume it’s like “punched in the face” which he suffers from at any weight.
Rocker boy then went on about his plans to turn Ashlee Simpson’s vagina into a revolving door. Which should work out well. That way, with more kids, bullies will have a harder time deciding whose ass to kick. Smart thinking, Pete.
Source: theblemish.com
Guess what? If you were hoping for more topless photos of Amy Winehouse, then wish granted. You may be wondering what you did to deserve these new dazzling pictures. Well, for starters, that bicyclist you dragged for two city blocks because you were in a hurry might have something to do with it. But then again, tipping your waitress in pocket lint and used chewing gum could have also helped. The point is, who knows? Whatever it is though, keep doing it. Maybe tomorrow you’ll get a sex tape of Madonna. Wouldn’t that be the cherry on top of this sexy sundae.
Source: theblemish.com
I guess there have been some wild rumors that Chris Brown and Rihanna are an item. These photos should prove otherwise. In fact, despite their matching tattoos, these two aren’t even friends. You can tell because when Chris Brown whispers sweet nothings into Rihanna’s ear, she tries to beat him off. And not the good kind of beating off, but the bad kind of beating off which ends up with a police report being filed. Or maybe my personal experiences are clouding my judgment. Maybe they are together and they’re just dancing. Look, I don’t know. What am I, Us Magazine?
Source: theblemish.com
Leave it up to Mary-Kate Olsen to look at the bright side of things. While everyone else watches their future spiral down the drain, Mary-Kate is finding great deals on clothing.
A Page Six spy, who recently shared an elevator at Barneys with the diminutive actress, reports Olsen was excited about all the discounted merchandise for the taking. “It’s really sad - the recession is everywhere. But at least they are having good sales,” said Olsen, who pointed to her hat. “That’s where I got this! The recession!” Olsen ogled a $410 menorah and pillows and throws for her bed, but didn’t buy them.
Mary-Kate then described the delicious food they served at homeless shelters which can be easily stolen from the hands of those weak, frail bums and the cute puppies that those kids with cancer won’t be needing anymore. That song was right. This is the most wonderful time of the year.
Source: theblemish.com
Briefly hospitalized for exhaustion, Samantha Ronson is reportedly all better. She posted on her blog that she was “just pretty exhausted from traveling and working too much. My Jewish mother was worried about me.” But that expensive hospital stay did wonders.
Well la de da. You know what I do when I’m suffering from exhaustion? Take a nap. The only reason people should go to a hospital is if they severed a limb and don’t have a needle and thread to reattach it. These whiny celebrities go to the doctor for every little thing. Oh, owie. I got a splinter. Time to go to the hospital and pay some guy $500 to take it out. Oh no. The stripper I paid to step on my balls and sit on my face punctured my carotid artery with her heels. Boo hoo. Walk it off. I’m looking at you Charlie Sheen.
Source: theblemish.com
Alicia Keys headed to Perth, Australia over the weekend to escape the harsh winter climate of North America. There she could hang out in her bikini, bask in the sun’s golden rays and snack on edamame or snow peas like a king. In other news, I stepped outside and got splashed with water when a car sped through a big puddle. Mmm, refreshing.
Source: theblemish.com
The sinewy monster that calls herself Madonna may have found a new soul to eat. One that’s even younger than A-Rod. Page Six reports that the gap toothed siren is enjoying herself down in Brazil on her Sticky & Sweet tour. Rumors say Madonna did a photo shoot with a “smoking hot” male model by the name of Jesus Luz. She was so impressed with the guy that she invited him to join her tour in Sao Paolo. A source divulges: “He’s there with her now and [photographer] Steven Klein is helping him get along with everyone.” Page Six continues:
According to the Brazilian Web site, “Everyone knows they are ficando - which is a Portuguese expression that means they are kissing and doing other things but without any obligation of being faithful or getting into a relationship afterwards.”
Madonna’s beleaguered publicist, Liz Rosenberg, denied a report that her tight-fisted client had bought 20 watches (one for each member of her crew) so “they will always arrive on time.” She added, “But I’m still waiting to hear about Jesus.”
There should be no reason why anyone would willingly subject themselves to the advances of Madonna. Unless that person is trying to claw their way out of poverty. Therefore, I take it that Jesus Luz’s only two options are to either screw Madonna in her mansion or go back to his shack and screw a fat, old, hairy dude on camera. Given those two scenarios, I’d go with Madonna as well since there’s less chance of your friends finding a video on the internet.
For those of you interested, here’s a bigger version of that photo of Madonna. She really hides her penis well.
Source: theblemish.com
Paris Hilton’s house in Beverly Hills was burglarized last week by a man wearing a hoodie and gloves who forced his way through the front door and stole $2 million in jewelery from her bedroom.
Of course, this robbery has left Paris “devastated.” Hilton cried to Life & Style via MSNBC: “I cannot believe someone broke into my home. They took items that had such sentimental value that no one will ever be able to replace.”
Paris then emphasized that it was $2 million in sentimental value which actually makes it $4 million that she lost. So, if insurance or a compassionate jeweler can just give her that $4 million in cash and/or diamonds, everything will be cool. She’s not asking for much. Just a little something to start new memories with. Preferably something shiny with lots of carats.
