Source: theblemish.com

If you couldn’t tell by the wild cackling coming from Madonna’s home, the Malawian Supreme Court has officially ruled in favor of Madonna’s application for adopting Mercy James. Travel arrangements still need to be made, but Madonna should be getting her baby in three to five days. Rush delivery costs extra.

In the near future, rich people will be able to do all this online. They’ll have a list of babies you can choose from with videos and you can just check off the ones you want and then pay with PayPal. It’d be less of a hassle. Why should famous people have to fly to some third world country just to buy a kid. We’re in a recession.

Source: theblemish.com

Last we left Madonna, her attempted adoption of Mercy from Malawi was blocked by a judge who cited an outdated law that she hadn’t lived in the state for 18 months and therefore couldn’t adopt. She’s been appealing the decision ever since and now she’s finally going to get that baby.

“The paperwork is being typed up now.

“All recommendations are in favour of the adoption taking place. Mercy should start packing her bags. She’s off to America.”

A close friend of Madonna said: “She’s ecstatic.

“She made a promise that she wouldn’t give up on Mercy and, believe me, she could move mountains when she’s this determined.”

This is great. Another African baby for her collection. One that she will pay a nanny to love and cherish while every once in a treating it to her cold, hard embrace. Being hugged by Madonna must feel like being grabbed by that claw you win stuffed animals with.

Source: theblemish.com

Kate Hudson has been seen around town making out with Madonna’s ex, A-Rod. So it makes sense that she has an irrational fear of getting her ass kicked. Such was the case at the Veuve Clicquot’s Manhattan Polo Classic when she got word Madonna was coming with her boy toy Jesus Luz. Hudson arrived to the event disguised in a floppy hat and sunglasses. When she heard Madonna was coming at half-time, she booked it.

“Kate was completely intimidated by Madonna,” said one guest. “She clearly didn’t want trouble and decided to keep a low profile for the rest of the match.”
Said a second guest, “I didn’t even see Kate Hudson again after Madonna arrived. She ran away! But if I were dating Madonna’s ex, I’d be scared, too!”

“Madonna literally didn’t care,” said a third eyewitness.

“She showed up with no makeup, a dowdy [denim] outfit and her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She doesn’t need to compete with Kate, because she will always be Queen Bee.”

This makes Madonna sound like some sort of kingpin. Like she’s going to order a hit on Kate Hudson in the middle of the Polo Classic or put a severed horse head in her bed. If she wanted, Madonna could stalk out Kate in the lady’s room and smash her head through the stall door. She takes care of business herself. One time I saw Madonna kill a chicken with one slap. True story. I’d be scared too if I was Kate Hudson.

Source: theblemish.com

An oil painting of Madonna and Guy Ritchie by Peter Howson is set to be auctioned off by McTear’s. The painting was done in 2005 and is expected to fetch between $24,000 to $35,000 proving that people are idiots. Who would want this?

Guy looks more like Patrick Ewing than Guy Ritchie, but Madonna looks like a man-whore with face paint and a deformed body so at least half of it is realistic.

How would you like to have this hanging in your house? It’d be like living in Tim Burton’s dream home.

Click through for the uncensored version. IF YOU DARE!

Source: theblemish.com

Young people are so easy to trick. All you need for them to bend to your will is to have something they want like power and fame or candy. Madonna has the former so it was only a matter of time before she was able to trick her new boyfriend Jesus Luz into a fake marriage and convert into Judaism. Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz, Jesus’ father, told Quem magazine:

“The kabbalah ceremony [in New York that] will link up my son Jesus Luz and Madonna only confirms that he is extremely happy.”

“I don’t know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son. It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know kabbalah [or if the ceremony] will have legal validity,” says Luis, who doesn’t seem upset that his evangelically raised son, a model, is converting to the branch of Judaism.

Sounds about right. Madonna’s adoption fell through so she needs to find some other child to suck the soul from. It’s how Madonna maintains her youthful appearance. If she doesn’t do this, she’ll look like a gnarled oak tree. More so than she does now.

Source: theblemish.com

The father of Mercy James, James Kambewa, who has never met his daughter says the outfit Madonna wore at the Costume Institute Gala is proof enough that she isn’t fit to adopt his daughter. Once again, the daughter he’s never seen. James snapped his fingers and said:

“I cannot imagine how this woman can want to be the mother of my Mercy.

“This can’t be a woman of 50. A teenage woman would feel ashamed in that gear.

“A woman is supposed to be a role model for her daughters.

“What morals can a woman of 50 have, who has no qualms in showing her delicate parts and displaying herself like that in front of her children?

“I don’t want my daughter anywhere near such a moral-less person.”

By delicate parts, I think he’s referring to her thigh. And in some strange way, I agree with him. Madonna shouldn’t be revealing any of her gnarled body parts. It’s disturbing and an affront to humanity.

Still, James isn’t one to talk. Later on he was asked to pick his daughter from a line-up. He chose an ox. Told that this was not his daughter, James, licking his lips, asked, “I still get to keep her, right?”

Source: theblemish.com

I can’t even begin to explain what’s going on here. Madonna also showed up at the Constume Institute Gala at The Met but managed to look more ridiculous than Rihanna. She looks like a kid who rummaged through mommy’s closet. What the hell is that on her head? Rabbit ears for a TV set? Madonna is an idiot. But I’m not going to say that to her face. She looks really strong.

Source: theblemish.com

Oh, the shame. The shame.

It’s no secret that Madonna created the Brazilian Jesus Luz’s career and all Jesus had to do was sell his soul and have sex with Madonna to become one of the most sought after models. His peers on the other hand, aren’t too thrilled. At the Jeffrey Fashion Cares event last week,

“None of the other models would talk to Jesus or even look at him. They were gossiping like catty girls about how they couldn’t wait for his career to fizzle out.”

But the gorgeous Brazilian had the last laugh: He walked first and kicked off the show. While hordes of guests may have come hoping for a glimpse of the Material Girl, it doesn’t bother her arm candy.

“Jesus had no career until Madonna arrived, and even if people are coming to see him because of her, he’s still going to take it,” says a snitch.

I’d be pretty pissed too if all some guy had to do was seduce Madonna to get where I am. I didn’t slave away in Wookie costumes at comic book conventions to become the supermodel playboy billionaire I am today only to be surpassed in mere months by some dude who rubbed Madonna’s vadge long enough for a genie to pop out and grant him three wishes.

Source: theblemish.com

Madonna was rushed to the hospital on Saturday when she fell off her horse in South Hampton, NY. She suffered minor injuries and bruising. The accident happened when Madonna’s horse was startled by paparazzi who jumped out of a bush to take pictures of her.

This is the second accident she’s had while horseback riding. In 2005 she broke three ribs, her hand and collar bone in an accident on her 47th birthday.

“The accident occurred when the horse Madonna was riding was startled by paparazzi who jumped out of the bushes to photograph the singer, who was visiting friends on Eastern Long Island over the weekend,” Rosenberg said in a statement to Usmagazine.com. “Madonna will be having further tests and will continue to remain under observation by doctors.”

Lucky for Madonna, her huge ego broke her fall. Also, I finally get to use this line. Fuck Madonna and the horse she rode in on.

Source: theblemish.com

Madonna will do whatever it takes to get that baby she was denied adopting. She has told her architects to build a home in Malawi so “David Banda would benefit from a connection to his birthplace” and also to establish residency for 18 months so she can get that baby. Just like the prophecy foretold.

“Madonna has a big, beautiful plot of land over there already. She’s planning to build a girl’s school in the Chinkhota village and those designs are well under way.

“But she’s gone back to the designers and asked if they could accommodate a family home on the plot or on adjacent land.”

Madonna is determined, I’ll give her that. Most people would have quit and have gone to Asia to adopt their babies, but not Madonna. She wants Mercy. But why is she so infatuated with this child? We must ask ourselves this. Is it because Mercy’s bones are just the right density to grind into a fine powder potent enough to create an elixir which will grant Madonna 5 more years of youth? I think so, my friends. I think so.