Source: theblemish.com

Star magazine says Britney and Kevin have hooked-up again and again forcing housekeeping to buy disinfectant in bulk from Costco. They go on to say Kevin’s girlfriend, ex-volleyball player Victoria Prince caught them having sex once.

“It’s like they’re newlyweds all over again,” a family insider tells Star Britney and Kevin, who have been traveling together for much of her Circus tour. “Brit and Kevin can’t keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier.”

Britney loves it when Kevin puts the moves on her, and she’s making her own too, says an insider. “She definitely knows how to fan the flames!”

Britney fans the flames by waving crisp hundred dollar bills in front of Kevin. Kevin fans the flames by basting a turkey. They know how to get each other off much to the maid’s disappointment. Turkey stains are so hard to get out.

Source: theblemish.com

Mixing Kevin Federline with children is never a good idea. Yet, it’s happening. K-Fed recently announced his intention of starting a children’s clothing line. Women’s Wear Daily says K-Fed dropped by the Project Trade show in Las Vegas recently to do research research.

“It’s a really tough business, I’m trying to take it seriously and make a quality product for kids but not have parents pay like $500 or something ridiculous for a pair of jeans,”

“You buy your kids a pair of True Religions, then they roll around in the dirt like kids do and a $200 pair of jeans is gone. With this economy, I’m looking to do something much more reasonable.”

That’s amazing. Jeans cost $200 dollars? I must have gotten a real good deal since I only paid $40 for my Levi’s. Do these $200 jeans come with built in hand-warmers or rocket packs? That’s the only way anyone can justify charging that much for a pair of pants. Actually, for that price, those jeans better be able to give me a blow job whenever I want. Wait, can it?

Source: theblemish.com

Britney Spears has threatened to cancel her upcoming tour unless the agreement to have her kids travel with her are honored. Britney and Kevin recently worked out an arrangement that would allow Sean Preston and Jayden James to live in one of three home bases located in New Jersey, New Orleans and Los Angeles which Britney would then commute back and forth between following her concerts in each area. K-Fed was also to receive more than $4,000 a week during the time she was on tour and he didn’t even have to be at any of the homes. No word on what the payment was for.

The deal was set up and ready to go until Kevin’s lawyers intervened. They believe Jamie, Britney’s dad/conservator, went behind their backs to broker this.

However, this turned out to be a fracas about nothing as an update provided by TMZ says that everything seems to have resolved itself. The only hiccup is Britney has to wait for Kevin’s lawyer to present the deal in his own wording.

Kevin’s lawyers probably thought it wouldn’t look good when at a later custody hearing, the judge finds out he took $4,000 a week to allow this. It’s almost as if Britney was exchanging money for her kids. There’s a term for that. I think it starts with an “R” and rhymes with handsome. Hm, what was it?

Source: theblemish.com

If I had to guess what K-Fed was thinking while jubilantly riding his shopping cart to his car, it would be, “Mmmmm bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon.” One more pic here.

Note: Celebrity mocking will return to normal on Monday.

Source: theblemish.com

When Club Prive in Vegas named Kevin Federline Father of the Year and threw him a party, people were a little skeptical. Allow me to lift some of that doubt right now. He’s a great father.

Federline attended the Sept. 12 preview party for Lavo, a new bathhouse-inspired restaurant and nightclub, and had such a good time he decided to extend his stay. Unfortunately, that meant skipping out on his sons’ birthday party back in L.A., according to a source who was on hand.

“On Friday night he went to Lavo’s preview party, even danced to Britney’s ‘Gimme More’ and had so much fun that night he decided to stay for Saturday’s grand opening,” the source says. “Saturday he spent the day by the pool, then had dinner at TAO and hit the Lavo grand opening, red carpet and all, where he partied (un)til 4am.”

Four years from now, as the heartache of what Kevin did to Sean Preston and Jayden James still lingers, the boys will ask mommy why, “Why did daddy never come?” And Britney, who couldn’t care less, will respond, “Because daddy was dancing with a bunch of whores.”

Source: theblemish.com

OK! Magazine has reason to believe that Britney Spears finally ended the custody battle with Kevin Federline. They say she hashed out a deal yesterday and signed on the dotted line giving full custody to Kevin Federline.

Kaplan tells OK!, “At about 8 p.m. PT, a final settlement in the Kevin Federline-Britney Spears custody case was signed. All parties have agreed to the following: Kevin will retain sole legal and physical custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James. Britney will continue to have visitation rights which may increase over time. The agreement will be presented to the court in the morning for approval by the commissioner.”

Neither of these two are capable of raising a child. There’s a high probability their heads will be used as an ashtray in Britney’s house while in Kevin’s house, there’s a good chance Jayden and Sean will be ignored so much that they’ll make up their own language consisting of grunts and yelps. When they get to kindergarten, them talking to the other kids will sound like natives chasing wild boars through the jungle.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

• Britney Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline were both in Las Vegas this weekend, however, their “people” made sure they didn’t bump into one another. While Britney spent the entire weekend in Sin City with her father celebrating Father’s Day, Federline left town on Saturday so he could spend the holiday with the boys. Britney and dad Jamie went to the Cinevegas party at the Palms Place and retired early. K-Fed and his entourage arrived at Prive at 1am where he was also honored as “Father of the Year”. His crew partied until after 3am.

• Britain’s Princess Eugenie, 18, has been reprimanded by her school after being caught running around naked on her college campus with group of girls. Reports suggest the girls had been drinking and were pulling an end of the the year prank. A staff member awoke to the girls giggling and screaming and found them dancing around outside without any clothes on. No boys were present and they don’t believe any drugs were involved. Princess Eugenie is the daughter of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and Sarah Ferguson and is sixth in line to the British throne.

• Kid Rock, 37, was rushed to the hospital in Nottingham, England minutes before going on stage Friday. Reports say he was suffering from stomach cramps and dehydration. Rock was due to hit the stage at the Download Festival at 3:30 pm but an announcement over the PA system said, “We’ve had the curse of Download. Kid Rock is not very well, we’ve had to rush him to hospital in Nottingham. He apologizes to his fans.” Judas Priest and Disturbed played longer shows in his place. Rock had been partying late the night before at Central London’s Whisky Mist nightclub.

• Kat Von D’s record for the most tattoos done in a 24-hour period has been broken by Oliver Peck. Peck, 36, a tattoo artist for and co-owner of Elm Street Tattoo in Dallas, Texas performed 415 tattoos from midnight Thursday to midnight Friday the 13th.
  “It’s an adrenaline rush,” he said.
  Peck tattooed the number 13 on about every body part imaginable, even some rears.
  He was awarded the honor by Guinness adjudicator Danny Girton Jr., and will be mentioned in the Guinness Book of Records.

• Snoop Dogg’s wife, Shante Broadus, was arrested at 12:15 AM PT Saturday morning in Fullerton, California for driving under the influence. She was released with a citation. Snoop and Shante were married in 1997 and have three children. They have been together since high school.

Source: theblemish.com

K-Fed received the distinct honor of being named father of the year by Prive in Las Vegas. The club will award Kevin a shiny medal or plaque during a party he is booked to host on June 13.

Runners-up, Satan and the creepy guy who hangs around elementary schools, are disappointed they didn’t win, but are happy for Kevin. The creepy guy who hangs around elementary schools said he would very much like to meet his kids to congratulate them.

Las Vegas Club Names K-Fed ‘Father oft he Year’ [People]

Photo: SplashNewsOnline

Source: theblemish.com

Star Magazine claims Britney and K-Fed have been engaging in late night phone sex. The mobile rendezvous began when Britney had trouble sleeping one night and decided to call Kevin.

Recently, when Britney was having a sleepless night, she decided to call Kevin at nearly 2 a.m. While they initially chatted about their boys — Preston, 2, and Jayden, 20 months — the conversation shifted. And as Britney hoped, Kevin knew exactly how to tire her out — with hours of erotic talk!

“They have phone sex often — at least once a week,” an insider tells Star. “The one thing those two have in common is their need for sex, and after they get going, there are no holds barred.”

I am both grossed out and intrigued. I wonder what this conversation would sound like.

Kevin: Hey, baby. What’re you wearing?
Britney: Just a little nightie. Tee hee
Kevin: Mmm… sounds sexy. Tell me what you want to do to me.
Britney: I want you to put your penis in a turkey.
Kevin: You want me to put my penis in a what?
Britney: A turkey.
Kevin: A turkey?!
Britney: Yes. And I eat it! I eat the turkey!
Kevin: I don’t think you quite grasp the idea of…
Britney: Gobble, gobble. I want my turkey! Gimme my turkey!
Kevin: *click*

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline headed back to the courtroom today and it turned out to be a good day for Britney.

Ms. Spears was granted three days a week with the boys, a step in the right direction for Britney, who is trying to get back equal custody with her children.

Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan said during a press conference that the boys’ overnight stays will be “phased in”.

“The court made orders today, they were orders that the parties were able to mostly agree to. It represents a a cautious step moving forward.”

Kaplan added that everyone is pleased at the progress of this case, and that of Britney. He also stated that the children are doing “great”.

Britney’s parents released a statement saying they are “pleased with Britney’s progress” and “very appreciative” that the judge is considering the fact that she has shown improvement in recent months.

Both Kevin and Britney are expected back in court on July 15th.