Source: theblemish.com
Taking the focus off your recent weight gain by pushing your massive breasts up past your chin is always a good idea. People may say Jessica Simpson doesn’t have a lot going up there, but these photos prove she’s just smart enough.
Source: theblemish.com
A few years ago, this picture of Jessica Simpson sticking her tongue out (via her Twitter) would have inspired countless hours in Photoshop. I could have created a whole series of Jessica licking things limited only by my imagination. These days the only thing I’d be able to come up with is Jessica licking clean the blueberry residue off those foil pans after a pie eating contest.
Source: theblemish.com
What’s more disappointing? Jessica Simpson, who used to sell out stadiums, now performing at Sea World? Or Jessica Simpson, who used to be slim with big breasts, gyrating on stage with her gut spilling out over her Daisy Dukes? If Bubba Sparxxx made a song about her, it would go, “Belly belly belly floppin’ everywhere, floppin’ everywhere.”
Source: theblemish.com
That’s the sound that Jessica Simpson’s dress will make when they finally split apart from the unrelenting strain being put upon it by her breasts.
Arrrgh!: That’s the sound that will come from the searing pain every man will feel when their boner fails to rip through their jeans after this happens.
Source: theblemish.com
Jessica Simpson hit up Beso yesterday when a daring paparazzi made it look like he was sliding into home as he snapped these shots of Jessica’s ass. That’s what I imagine happened, anyway. How is this possible? You’d think people would notice some perv with a camera the size of a Buick going off under Jessica’s skirt. They looked to be so close that the flash would have lit up the inside of her vagina like a Christmas tree. With the size of the lens the guy probably had and based on how close he was, if he zoomed in, you could make a detailed mapping of Jessica’s uterus.
I was also informed that we may have nipple.
Source: theblemish.com
As was first reported by Country Music Tattle Tale and then confirmed by OK!, Jessica Simpson has been dropped by her country label, Sony BMG Nashville. Readers noted that all mention of Simpson had been removed from their website. Rumors say the reason for this was because of Jessica Simpson’s “antics” which include forgetting lyrics, hostile crowds and breaking down during her tour.
A rep attempting damage control tells OK! that Jessica is still on Epic’s label and was merely “on loan” to Sony Nashville for her country album.
Jessica seemed like every country fan’s wet dream. Blonde, wears cowboy boots, daisy dukes and has big tits. She must have been awful for this to happen. Similar singers could drown kittens on stage and still not be dropped.
Source: theblemish.com
For those of you that like your Jessica Simpson bikini candids grainy and blurry, these pictures will be your dream come true. Jessica was in Mexico yesterday and by law, she had to hit the pool in a bikini. Also by law, paparazzi have to use disposable cameras to take pictures of celebrities through binoculars.
Note that while it may look like Jessica is sunbathing topless, in actuality, she’s really desperately trying to search for the powdered donut she dropped.
Source: theblemish.com
Joe Simpson, the creepy obsessive dad of Jessica, thinks that Tony Romo is distracting Jessica from her career and wants her to break it off with him. Of course, this glances over the fact that no one wants to listen to Jessica’s dumb music or watch her equally dumb movies and puts the blame squarely on her boyfriend for her failing career.
Face it. The only way Jessica is going to be relevant again is if she bounces naked on a trampoline or she gets fat and then skinny again. Barring that, Joe’s out of luck. Anyway, he’s probably just mad Jessica brings Romo to her photo shoots instead of him. Those tits are really fantastic, you know. Especially when they “accidentally” slip out of her dress which oddly enough, happened all the time when Joe was there.
Source: theblemish.com
Excuse me, miss. The bathroom is over there.
Jessica Simpson’s gained a little weight over the past few months so what better time to use that fact to get some free publicity? L.A.’s FBE Holistic Health & Fitness has offered Jessica Simpson a lifetime membership valued at $21,600 per year. Their enthusiastic doctor already came up with a program for Jessica which includes a bunch of scary words like “gluten free,” “ratios” and “Whole Body Vibration Machine.” Oddly enough, no mention of exercise which I hear is highly overrated. Why work out when a machine can do it for you?
That doctor pretty much wasted his time, however, as Jessica told them to get off her case (of donuts). A source says Jessica’s happy the way she is. They attribute the weight gain to being in Texas and eating comfort food and also being content and in love. The source adds, “And with Tony on hiatus, they’ve been eating out more and just enjoying life together. When she has a guy, Jessica just seems to accept herself and stops obsessing over her body.”
Another reason why I was glad to be born without a heart. Love can never make me fat because I can’t feel. Better luck next time, “emotions.”
Here’s Jessica performing at Madison Square Garden.
Source: theblemish.com
Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo headed to the Waverly Inn on Valentine’s day and words cannot describe how kick-ass her rack was. The crazy thing was her earrings were almost as big as her boobs. You could light them on fire and train a dolphin to jump through them.
