Source: theblemish.com

I’ll give it to Jennfier Aniston. She may be boring, fugly and still obsessed over Brad Pitt, but at least she knows how to self-deprecate with the best of them. At the Women in Film Awards last Friday, Aniston was presented with the Crystal Award for Excellence in Film and gave a jokey acceptance speech.

“I have a strange parallel with movies I was doing and my life off screen. First, it was The Good Girl…which evolved into Rumor Has It, followed by Derailed. Then there was The Breakup followed by the lighter side, Friends With Money which I thought was on the nose. If anyone has a movie called Everlasting Love With an Adult Stable Man, that would be great! I’m at table six, and my agents are at table 12.”

Actually, that’s true when you think about it. Her last movie was He’s Just Not That Into You. Then she has The Baster which is in post-production and is a pretty accurate glimpse into her future. In development is The Divorce Party which sounds ominous. I mean, it would if anyone could stand her boring ass long enough to marry her again.

Source: theblemish.com

Courtney Cox is supposedly best friends with Jennifer Aniston but she was caught having a gay old time chatting up the enemy at a Chris Cornell concert Sunday night. Cox with husband David Arquette were at the Willtern Theater when they ran into Brad Pitt.

“Instead of ignoring him, Courteney chatted away with Brad all night. The three were in great spirits and seemed really happy to see each other.”

Traitor! Cavorting with the enemy, are we? Jennifer is going to have something to say about this. And don’t think she won’t drop Brad Pitt’s name a few times during the conversation and emphasize how over she is about the whole Brad Pitt dumping her for Angelina thing. Because she is. The only reason she talks about him all the time is to let everyone know she’s fine and that shrine she keeps of him in that spare bedroom is only there because it’d take way too much work to tear it down. Like, an hour, at least.

No, but really. You’re dead to Aniston now, Courtney.

Source: theblemish.com

I think John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are broken up. Truthfully, I haven’t been following this. She’s ugly and he’s a annoying so why would I? But judging by this new report by the National Enquirer, I assume they’re broken up for good.

NE says that John Mayer can’t stop talking about Jennifer. Most likely because he thinks dropping her name makes him famous by association and acts as catnip for the ladies even though it actually makes him a douche bag.

“John’s been recording in a studio and coming on to almost every woman in the vicinity,” a close source told The ENQUIRER.

“He goes on and on to these women about how clingy and needy Jen is. He says that when they got back together after their first breakup last August, it was agreed she would back off on the smothering.

“When someone tries to change the subject, he goes back to Jennifer, claiming she was so emotionally dependent and demanding that he couldn’t take it.”

What a catch. Complaining about your ex really turns women on. Other things that turn women on: telling them they’re fat, pushing them into a puddle and asking them to make you a sandwich. I found these out as I thumbed through John Mayer’s book titled “Things That Turn Women On According to the Delusional Mind of John Mayer.”

Source: theblemish.com

The National Enquirer is reporting on a story most likely leaked to get publicity for Jennifer Aniston’s new movie The Baster. A source tells NE that this movie mimics Jennifer Aniston’s life story in that no man wants her so she’s become desperate enough to inseminate herself with backup sperm in order to get pregnant.

“But the real shocker is that she says her top candidate for artificial insemination is David Schwimmer!”

“Jen isn’t afraid of raising a child on her own. She says David is perfect father material because he’s the whole package – handsome, tall, smart and with a full head of hair!”

The second insider added: “The funny thing is that Jen said when she and David were still starring on Friends, they made a pact that if they were both single at 40, they’d elope and start a family together!”

Not even Aniston’s baby could stand her fugly ass. Once that kid develops hands and feet, he’s going to crawl out of her womb in the middle of the night and make a break for it. The only way Jennifer could keep the baby is if she put up steel bars around her uterus like they do in prisons.

Source: theblemish.com

More surprising news today. Jennifer Aniston is acting the diva on the set of her new movie The Baster.

“Jen kept mostly to herself,” one on-set source reveals. “She didn’t talk to anyone during the breaks.”

In the morning, the cast and crew had to wait to start filming without Jen because she asked for extra time to finishing blow-drying her hair,” reveals one source.

And when the lunch bell rang, not only did Jen not deign to eat her Cobb salad in the company of her new co-workers, she actually had herself driven to her trailer so she could eat alone!

“Jen refused to walk even a step outside the restaurant during the break for lunch,” says an insider. “She had her car pull up right next to the restaurant so she could be driven less than a block to her trailer to avoid photographers.”

Jennifer’s head gets a little bigger each day. God forbid she find mega success and win an Oscar. You’ll never hear the end of it. She’d never get off the toilet until someone lifted her up and wiped her ass. The only way you’d get to talk to her is if you too won an Oscar, otherwise, she’ll just roll right past you in her physical bubble/modified hamster ball.

Source: theblemish.com

Jennifer Aniston broke up with John Mayer because he twittered too much. That’s the news coming from Star (via Telegraph). Friends of Aniston say Mayer spent hours on Twitter despite telling Aniston he was busy with work.

“John suddenly stopped calling her or returning her emails and when she would finally catch up with him, he’d say: ‘I’ve been so busy with work. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to call you back.”

The source added: “Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn’t have time for her and yet his page was filled with Twitter updates.

“Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he’d update with some stupid line. And in her mind, she was like ‘He has time for all this Twittering, but he can’t send me a text, an email, make a call?’.” 

It’s simple. Jennifer is boring and Mayer was only using her for publicity. He didn’t want to actually spend time with her. That would be asking too much. Hanging out with Aniston must feel like slow death. You can probably feel a piece of you die every time she opens her mouth. By the time you finish a conversation with her, you’ll look like one of those mummies that archaeologists discover.

Source: theblemish.com

Since John Mayer hasn’t yet fully exploited his relationship with Jennifer Aniston, he’s going to write a tell-all which would share the “intimate” details of their relationship and will be whoring it out for $10 million. According to Star, John knows “all about her obsessive exercise regime, embarrassing TV viewing habits, devotion to astrology and numerology and has witnessed the actress throw fits!” He also plans to write about that time Jennifer called him “Brad” while they were having sex.

Yea, didn’t you know? Jennifer may still be hung up on Brad Pitt. Brad has moved on with his 9 or 12 children, but Jennifer still believes that one day they’ll be together. It’s written in the stars and the tea leaves in her afternoon tea. Or is that the face of Jesus in her tea? Jen can never tell.

Source: theblemish.com

E!’s Marc Malkin claims Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have split again, further cementing the prophecy that Aniston will be alone for the rest of her life. Sources say John Mayer may have ended it last week after Aniston finished her European tour for Marely & Me.

One friend notes that this has happened before and they’ve gotten back together so don’t assume John Mayer has the wherewithal to latch onto another actress’ fame so quickly.

God. By now, Jennifer Aniston’s eggs must look like that sandwich you left in the fridge six months ago. You probably need an ice pick to tear them apart because they’ve all crusted together. Her biological clock must be ticking so loudly that she mistakes it for her morning alarm.

Source: theblemish.com

Jennifer Aniston has spent an estimated $56,000 a week to have her hair stylist, Chris McMillan, accompany her on her Marley & Me tour. Chris’ job is an important one. Every day he has to quickly blow dry her hair and squirt it with hairspray. This costs $2,000 per day.

McMillan accompanied the 40-year-old on a first-class flight from Los Angeles to London at an estimated cost of over $20,000 each before being treated to a seven-day all expenses paid stay in several top hotels for around $14,000 and a second flight to Paris costing $5,600.

In addition, his daily fee is said to cost another $2,000 per day, pushing up his paycheck up by another $14,000.

$56,000 may seem like a lot, but keep in mind, celebrities have no concept of money and are incapable of doing anything themselves. If you told Aniston to style herself, she’d probably come to the Marley & Me premiere with a lollipop stuck to her hair and a chopstick jutting out from the right side of her head.

Source: theblemish.com

While Angelina Jolie is being nominated for her fancy awards, Jennifer Aniston is promoting Marley & Me in Germany by eating dog biscuits. Point, Aniston.

Aniston and Owen Wilson showed up on Wetten Das on Saturday where they were asked to participate in “canine games” which included eating doggy treats. Aniston commented that they were “a little dry.” Also, that it left her with an empty feeling. Although, that could have been from the part of her that just died.