Source: theblemish.com

Gwyneth Paltrow apparently oiled up her legs and slid onto the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien show yesterday. It looked like she was about to make an appearance on the WWE right after. As Defamer notes, her people must have wiped her down between breaks. Her legs are noticeably less shiny towards the end of the interview.

This must have been one of those GOOP things she sends out in her newsletter that no one reads but everyone makes fun of. One of the tips must have been: “wipe your legs with melted butter to help soothe dry skin.” People probably thought that was some big joke, but who’s laughing now?

Update: Now with better pictures

Source: theblemish.com

According to The Sun, there’s an onset feud brewing between Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett is hogging the spotlight what with her natural sexiness. Additionally, not only was Gwyneth anticipating working with Emily Blunt instead of Scarlett, but now she has put up with being dressed in pants suits while Johansson is running around in the movie wearing catsuits and carrying guns which is how it should be.

One Hollywood source revealed yesterday: “Gwyneth has become very frustrated with Scarlett.

“They come from different worlds and have completely different styles.

“Gwyneth has found Scarlett very demanding of the attention of the crew. It’s not a happy set.”

Gwyneth’s had to live with that and she has been very professional, but she and Scarlett haven’t developed a friendship on the shoot, which is almost at the half way point.

Is it any wonder that Gwyneth Paltrow hates Scarlett Johansson? She’s young, has big tits, hot and is basically the exact opposite of Paltrow. If they were to eat a hot dog, Scarlett would be the one deep-throating it and Gwyneth would be the one cutting it up with a fork and knife. Because she’s a humorless bitch, you see.

Source: theblemish.com

Mario “Fanta Pants” Batali has gotten so fat over the years that his friend Gwyneth Paltrow could no longer stand it. Which is why she did this.

“…his pal Gwyneth Paltrow gave him a free membership to the pricey gym that she and her fitness friend Tracy Anderson are opening in TriBeCa this summer, saving him the $4,500 membership fee and monthly bills. An insider said, “Mario is the only fat friend she has, and wants him to change.”

Another thing she could do is, on his birthday, buy him an expensive suit in a slimmer size. Then when she gives it to him go, “Aww, too bad. Looks like you can’t fit in it. Fatty.” And if that doesn’t work, she can ridicule him into losing weight by pushing up her nose and oinking whenever he walks into the room. After all, isn’t that what being a good friend is all about?

[Image via Splash News]

Source: theblemish.com

Gwyneth Paltrow has this website called GOOP. I’m not exactly sure what it’s supposed to be, but it looks like a blog trying to mask its blogginess. She sends out these newsletters every once in a while where she gives advice ranging from how to solve constipation to what hideous clothing she enjoys wearing. The latest mailing focuses on her frenemy.

Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road. So, why does it feel so good to hear something bad about someone you don’t like? Or someone you DO like? Or someone you don’t KNOW? I once asked the editor of a tabloid newspaper why all of the stories about a famous British couple had a negative bent. He said that when the headline was positive, the paper didn’t sell. Why is that? What’s wrong with us? I asked the sages to shed a little light.

Here’s to washing our mouths out with soap…

Gwyneth is talking about Madonna, right? Any other guesses? Can anyone stand Gwyneth Paltrow? This could easily be half of Hollywood she’s talking about. Does she have anything other than frenemies? Is this why I always see her eating alone at restaurants looking sullenly into her plate of lettuce? Poor Gwyneth. Maybe I shouldn’t have threw that water balloon at her. Oh well, what’s done is done. No point in feeling bad about it.

Source: theblemish.com

Gwyneth Paltrow has this website called GOOP. I’m not exactly sure what it’s supposed to be, but it looks like a blog trying to mask its blogginess. She sends out these newsletters every once in a while where she gives advice ranging from how to solve constipation to what hideous clothing she enjoys wearing. The latest mailing focuses on her frenemy.

Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road. So, why does it feel so good to hear something bad about someone you don’t like? Or someone you DO like? Or someone you don’t KNOW? I once asked the editor of a tabloid newspaper why all of the stories about a famous British couple had a negative bent. He said that when the headline was positive, the paper didn’t sell. Why is that? What’s wrong with us? I asked the sages to shed a little light.

Here’s to washing our mouths out with soap…

Gwyneth is talking about Winona Ryder, right? Any other guesses? Can anyone stand Gwyneth Paltrow? This could easily be half of Hollywood she’s talking about. Does she have anything other than frenemies? Is this why I always see her eating alone at restaurants looking sullenly into her plate of lettuce? Poor Gwyneth. Maybe I shouldn’t have threw that water balloon at her. Oh well, what’s done is done. No point in feeling bad about it.

I’m going to put Madonna as option 2.

Source: theblemish.com

Gwyneth Paltrow has taken to her pedestal again and has proclaimed shampoos and lotions to be carcinogenic. The actress wrote on her Goop.com site that she read research concerning “environmental toxins” found in shampoos and lotion. She goes on to explain that these have been linked to an increase in asthma and cancer in children.

She writes, “Fetuses, infants and toddlers are basically unable to metabolize toxins the way adults are, and we are constantly filling our environment with chemicals that may or may not be safe.”

However, professors such as Hugh Pennington, call her retarded and an uppity bitch in the nicest way possible.

“It does annoy me when celebrities use their position to spout nonsense. They have a perfect right to their views, even if they are loopy, but they do hold a position of influence.”

Other experts at British charity Cancer Research UK have also dismissed Paltrow’s theories, claiming there is no evidence to support her assertion that childhood cancer rates had increased “exponentially.”

Looks like Paltrow will believe anything. You could tell her aliens have invaded Earth and are randomly shooting people with cancer guns and the only way to stop them is to pay them $10 million in US currency. The next day, she’d put up a Paypal donate button on her website with a countdown from $10 million.

[Starpulse]

Source: theblemish.com

Gwyneth Paltrow has been naked in a lot of films like Shakespeare in Love, Sylvia and Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle which shouldn’t make her getting naked again in Two Lovers all that momentous. But, here she is, topless, touching herself. And here I am, topless, touching myself.

As long as she’s not talking about bowel movements, it’s fine by me. NSFW screen grabs after the jump.

Source: theblemish.com

A bunch of perverts gathered in a circle and stared at Gwyneth Paltrow’s breasts on the cover of Gotham magazine. They call themselves Gwynophiles and after countless hours of intense scrutiny, they allege she’s had her boobs done. This stems from their belief that it’s impossible for her tits to grow that big by just working out with a personal trainer. One so called expert explains, “She didn’t use to have anything up top. Now she does and they are perky.” Another super fan who’s seen one of Gwyneth’s breasts in her upcoming film Two Lovers says: “It’s like the boob of a 15-year-old girl.”

Here’s Gwyneth last month at the premiere of Two Lovers. She doesn’t look too bad. Although, I don’t have an unhealthy obsession with her breasts so I can’t give any opinion on them. But if you give me some time, a ski mask and a bottle of prescription tranquilizers, I might be able to cop a feel for you. I mean, if that’s what you want.

Source: theblemish.com

Gwyneth Paltrow showed up at the Two Lovers premiere in Paris wearing this see-through dress by Antonio Berardi. Designing looks fun. Once you become famous, you can make all these crazy sheer dresses that celebrities will fawn over even though the main reason you created them was to see what people like Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba and Gwyneth Paltrow look like naked. It seems that the only prerequisites for becoming a designer are 1) Be able to sew clothes and 2) Be a pervert.

Source: theblemish.com

On The Oprah Winfrey show, Gwyneth Paltrow gave sneak peaks of a two-hour workout tape she made. With the help of celebrity fitness instructor Tracy Anderson, who also trains the overly ripped Madonna, Gwyneth goes through the exercises that helped her shed 20lbs of baby weight. The screen shots look pretty gross. She looks like a monster that crawled out of the sewers or like that kid working at McDonalds who’s going through puberty, except less greasy.