Source: theblemish.com

George Clooney, while in Miami filming Up in the Air, hit up Blade nightclub at the Fontainebleau through a secret underground passage. Sources say he was “drinking vodka and Patron, but it looked like he had enough.” They allege that Clooney, at the resort’s other nightclub LIV, vomited in the VIP area.

Clooney told Gatecrasher that he was sitting next to someone who barfed. Welp. That clears everything up. Why would Clooney lie? His handsomeness and gentlemanly ways prevent him from doing so. Plus, he’s an actor. Actors don’t deal in deception like us normal folk.

Source: theblemish.com

The crazies over at PETA have vowed that you will be eating tofu flavored with George Clooney’s sweat once they’ve perfected the recipe. The “CloFu’s” scent is said to be harvested from a towel soaked in Clooney’s sweat that someone picked up in a DC gym which will be processed by high tech gadgetry to convert it into a flavor.

“We believe CloFu would be delicious served by itself or over rice with a light soy sauce and sautéed collards, in a casserole with melted vegan cheese and olives,” said PETA head Ingrid Newkirk.

George Clooney responded that “as a mammal, I’m offended.” The NYDN also makes a good point that this might not even be Clooney’s towel and might really have been used by a hairy slob to wipe his ass crack with. In essence, if you wanted the same effect right now, simply go to your local gym and run your tongue along a random dude’s taint.

Source: theblemish.com

Reports indicate that Paris Hilton may be banging George Clooney. The two have been spotted out together a couple of times. The first being at the Whiskey Bar in West Hollywood. Sources say: “Paris and George sat and talked together for ages. They didn’t seem to be aware of anyone else in the room.”

The two were next seen together at Dan Tana’s in some type of “bizarre business meeting.” Described as such because sitting next to them was Ridley Scott, Marvel studios chairman David Maisel and Brittanny Flickinger, Paris’ manufactured BFF.

Clooney must have a deathwish. Doesn’t he know his immune system isn’t prepared to deal with Paris? Putting his penis in her will be like sneezing on someone who lives in a bubble. Paris’ vag must be happy though. It gets to feed again. I even heard someone mention that they heard an eerie, “Muahahahahaha!,” coming from her crotch when she went to fix herself up in the Whiskey Bar’s bathroom.

Here’s Paris and her BFF in Australia.

Source: theblemish.com

Dating George Clooney isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. After he inevitably dumps you, no one will ask you out again because no one wants George’s sloppy seconds. According to Lisa Snowdon, one of his ex’s from three years ago,

“I’ve been celibate for a year and starting to think I may never have sex again.

“It’s not something I planned but I just don’t get asked out any more.

“Men seem to look at me and think, ‘She went out with George Clooney, what chance have I got?’ ”

“The hardest thing is dealing with people who think I was going out with George to further my career. In fact, offers almost totally dried up. People assumed I wouldn’t be interested in modelling again.”

Oh really? Lisa Snowdon, would you like to go on a date with me? See how I just invalidated her claim? Sounds like Lisa’s just being too picky. You’d think after a year of celibacy she’d jump at the chance of someone like me showing up at her door in a ski mask holding a 24 pack of condoms, grinning, drooling and hard.

Source: theblemish.com

Cindy Crawford was in France with her husband Randy Gerber doing supermodely stuff like yachting, swimming, jet skiing and climbing out of the water in slow motion. Not surprisingly, George Clooney showed up because rest assured, wherever there are supermodels, George will be there to hit the surrounding men with a pool noodle.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

I’m not sure I believe this one. At least I don’t think it led to the absolute demise of George Clooney and Sarah Larsen’s relationship, but then again, who knows.

Sources are saying that one of the reasons that the couple broke up is because George didn’t like Sarah’s new boobs!

The former cocktail server had them done in May despite Clooney expressing he wished she didn’t.

“George really didn’t want her to get the boob job. She asked George if she could do her recovery at his house and he agreed,” a source told In Touch Weekly.

As for the breakup, Larsen never saw it coming.

“They had a huge fight and he left the house. Sarah read in the media that they’d broken up and freaked out because George hadn’t told her anything. He had to explain himself because she’d found out with the rest of the world.”

Apparently Sarah loves her new boobies and is hoping to pose for Playboy (of course) now that she is single and trying to claw her sorry ass to the top . . or even the bottom rung.

A friend says, “She likes her new body so much that she would consider posing for Playboy. Now that she’s famous, she’d never go back to cocktailing.”

Source: theblemish.com

George Clooney is said to have dumped Sarah Larson last month, who supposedly found out about it through a magazine, because she ignored his advice on not getting a boob job. In Touch Weekly writes:

“George really didn’t want her to get the boob job. Although she asked George if she could do her recovery at his house and he agreed.”

“She likes her new body so much that she would consider posing for Playboy. Now that she’s famous, she would never go back to waitressing.”

I read this as “man dumps pretty girl with big boobs.” This is madness. This can’t be. People don’t dump attractive females because they have big breasts. It… it was probably an ill conceived excuse to move on. “I have to end this. Your, uh, boobs are too big.” “My boobs are too big?” “Wait. No.” At that point, George’s penis probably put its hands on its face and shook its head in disbelief and whispered, “You idiot.”

But, Playboy, huh? Aim for the stars I guess. As they say, today, Playboy! Tomorrow, irrelevancy!

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Sarah at the Palms Saturday, 5/31

George Clooney, who has sworn he will never marry again, broke off his romance to Sarah Larson with a swift kick to her ass – so to speak.

Larson is reportedly shocked and devastated at the sudden breakup. She’s moved back to Las Vegas, where she lived before her whirlwind romance with Clooney.

Larson boldly stepped back into the public eye last Saturday at the Palms Place Hotel & Spa’s grand opening party – the same casino she worked in only a year ago.

She had been living with Clooney, who when he decided it was over pulled the rug from under her feet, moving out of his own home until she had gathered her things and left. I always figured he’d be a dick like that. He’s George Clooney!

One of Sarah’s friend’s dished, “She’s totally heartbroken and doesn’t deserve this. It came out of nowhere. They had made all these plans.”

I guess we’ll see how strong Larson is, and if she can manage to pull a Kim Kardashian and achieve fame by association.

Source: theblemish.com

George Clooney’s split with Sarah Larson was sudden and unexpected. Sarah thought she and George were going to marry, but George had other plans. Namely, banging a bunch of other women.

“She thought they were getting married. Instead, she got dumped,” a friend said. “She’s really upset. Devastated.”

“She’s totally heartbroken and doesn’t deserve this,” a friend said. “It came out of nowhere. They had made all these plans.”

Adding insult to injury, friends say, is this month’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar, which features Larson posed on a motorcycle, clad in Dolce & Gabbana.

The headline reads: “It Girl: Sarah Larson. Don’t hate her because she’s beautiful, fearless … and dates George Clooney.”

Hmm, marry Sarah Larson or bang a bunch of models each day of the week. This really is a tough decision. Let’s consult Captain Obvious. *Gasp* In an astonishing twist of fate, Captain Obvious says to go with the models. I am shocked. Just. Shocked.

Source: theblemish.com

George Clooney has finally bored of that cocktail waitress he picked up at the Whiskey Bar in Vegas last year and kicked her to the curb. Mmm hmmm. *Snaps fingers* That’s not to say his relationship with Sarah Larson wasn’t significant. No, it certainly was. Sarah was the first girlfriend to ever attend the Oscars with him. They were also both injured in a motorcycle accident, but not even skeletal fractures could keep these two together.

“George is relieved to be single again,” says an insider. “He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her.”

The big loser in all of this is Sarah because she has to go back to Vegas to her old job as a hired gun for “special events.” She’ll have to constantly deal with horny frat boys and dirty old men hitting on her and she’ll have to take it because that’s what they pay her for and one day a guy will probably be so brazen as to grope her ass, but don’t worry, I’ll be there waiting to defend her honor or, you know, shout, “show us your tits!”