Source: theblemish.com

Every year David Beckham takes a holy journey to watch the Lakers try and make it to the NBA finals. At the same time, every year Victoria Beckham asks how the Lakers game was and David always looks at her confused and asks, “Game?” Then Victoria surfs to The Daily Mail and sees these photos. And then she weeps into her hands. And David sees this sobbing, skeletal figure, sighs, shuts his eyes and thinks of Laker girl #4’s ass. It’s become sort of a tradition.

Source: theblemish.com

Victoria Beckham and husband David have been indulging in Geisha facials, here on in to be known as bird poo facials. Victoria, having long battled with acne, says she discovered the miracle beauty treatment after learning the local Japanese women achieved their unblemished complexion by smearing nightingale feces over their faces. When Victoria returned to the US, she found a few salons in New York that offered the $200 facials. The Daily Mail reports, “She tried it and loved how great her skin looked. She also uses a cream derived from nightingale poo at home.”

Did Victoria actually see the Japanese women putting this on their faces or did they just tell her the most ridiculous thing they could think of. Was there stifled laughter when they described in broken English that covering their face with bird crap was the best thing they’ve ever done? Did they at any point after she left chuckle, “Heh heh heh. Stupid wanker.” Because these are all signs that they might not have been 100% honest.

Source: theblemish.com

Ever since those David Beckham Armani ads were released, women have been wondering if they were digitally retouched or not. Well, DJ Kyle Sandilands of Australia confirmed that he’s a huge pervert who checked out David Beckham’s penis while using the urinals at Villa nightclub in LA. Kyle told listeners of his radio show:

“I was in the toilet at Villa nightclub in LA and there’s only two urinals in there, it’s very small.

“Somebody comes in behind me, and I hear a soft voice say ‘Hello, how are you?’ I turned around and think: ‘Holy s***! It’s David Beckham!’

“I’m midway through and I think, I’ve got to slow this down. I couldn’t help myself, for the first time in my life, I glanced down to the left and had a look.”

Asked whether Becks was a big boy, Kyle replied: “There’s two types of penis.

“There’s the one that’s the same size all the time and the other one changes in size.

“Let’s just say he looks like he’s got it going on whether it’s happy or not.”

Oh and of course Kyle would like to add, “No homo.” Seriously. Kyle would only check out David’s package. C’mon guys. You gotta believe him.

Source: theblemish.com

Last week, David Beckham went to Macy’s in San Francisco to attend the unveiling of his gigantic Armani poster. It was greeted with high pitched shrieks from throngs of women and quiet whimpering from their boyfriends. David Beckham, yesterday, took to his website to express his surprise over the amount of attention the poster is receiving.

Well I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures but last week I went to San Francisco to see the unveiling of the new Emporio Armani campaign I shot a while back. To be honest I was amazed by the huge billboard poster outside Macy’s department store, but even more amazed by the amount of people who turned up to see it! I’m always surprised by the amount of attention certain things create, but the attention this campaign has created is pretty incredible. It was great to meet some of the people who’d come out especially though, I’ve always wanted to visit San Francisco, so it was a great to finally get there…

Of course, David is probably well aware that women are focused mainly on his package. To that I say, oh yeah? Well… well… I have huge… muscles. Admire me! Look! I can open a jar of mayo with my bare hands. Grr. I’m strong.

Source: theblemish.com

Jeanne Kelly and her sister, Diane, both bid $7,000 at a Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy charity auction for their sons to have a meet-and-greet with David Beckham. The package was supposed to include round trip flights to LA, hotel accommodations, VIP field seats at Friday’s Galaxy game and the chance for their sons to meet David who was supposed to sign a jersey for them. On Tuesday, Kelly and her sister both received calls from Darren Brown from Charity Sports Auctions that the event was canceled because David had a breach of security and isn’t doing it anymore. Page Six explains:

Brown told us Charity Sports Auctions got the Beckham package from the LA-based entertainment group ACE. Max Soto, the president of ACE, told Page Six the event has just “been postponed,” adding, “It was never intended to be promoted on David alone. There were internal issues.”

Beckham’s agent, Jeff Raymond, says neither Beckham nor the Galaxy was even informed of the event and, “It’s unfortunate they lost their money. David would never not honor charity he was supposed to do.”

This is why I don’t donate to charities. Too much heartache. And that whole giving to those less fortunate thing. Plus, Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy? I’m not even sure how to pronounce that. Are you sure they didn’t just make it up? Maybe it’s worse than it sounds like Rhinovirus sounds menacing, but it’s just a cold. Can’t they walk it off? I mean, I’ve stubbed my toe on more than one occasion. It hurt a lot, but no one donated to my Hurt Toe Foundation.

On an unrelated note, people say I have a lump of coal for a heart, but I like to believe I never had one to begin with.

Source: theblemish.com

A huge poster of David Beckham in his underwear for the Emporio Armani campaign was unveiled on the side of Macy’s in San Francisco yesterday. This video taken from ONTD shows the expected shrill screams from the throngs of women. What was unexpected in this video was the disproportionate amount of men gawking at the poster as well. In their defense, David does have a nice set of abs they’re totally gay. Yea, um, the second one. I meant the second one.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

A crazed fan bum-rushed David Beckham on the field Monday, hugging and high-fiving the LA Galaxy star.

Beckham looked surprised as the guy was flattened by teammate Chris Klein and then held down by security.  Once Becks realized the ballsy fan didn’t mean him any harm he helped the guy to his feet.

“I was slightly concerned when I first saw him running at me because he didn’t have a smile on his face and he didn’t have a Galaxy shirt on.  So I didn’t know if he was going to come and give me a hug or something else.  These things happen in games all over the world. Luckily, he just wanted to give me a high five and that was the end of it.”

Source: theblemish.com

The Sun has a photo of David Beckham sneaking a peak at one of the Laker girls yesterday and suggests this is why he often attends their games. Give this guy a break. If I was married to Victoria Beckham, I’d stare at a raccoon in the same way.

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

David Beckham got a minor traffic ticket in Hollywood on Tuesday.

And it’s on the AP wire today.

“There was a traffic incident that took place,” said a rep for the police department. “It was a minor offense and David complied with the officer.”

Yeah. Today is going to be boring.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Part I

Part II