Source: theblemish.com

Reps for Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston insist that the break-up rumors posted by The National Enquirer are “not true.” There you have it. Brad and Angelina are still as perfect as ever with the perfect multi-cultural family and millions of dollars in the bank. So, wipe that big grin off your face and get back to making those chai lattes knowing that there are people out there who lead perfect lives and that you’re not one of them. You’ll probably never be one of them. Aww, what the hell. You might as well kill yourself now.

Source: theblemish.com

Big unconfirmed news of the day coming from a source with a spotty track record. The couple that is the glue that binds Hollywood together and that every regular couple dreams of being have “officially” split. They add that the appearance at Cannes was just a show. The National Enquirer has gotten a lot right before, but also a few wrong, so who knows. They write:

Brad and Angelina are going their separate ways with the hope of reuniting in the future if they can repair their volatile relationship, disclosed an insider.

“They will make it official. It looks like Brad will be shooting two movies in California and in the Amazon, while Angelina is retreating to their French chateau with the rest of the family.

f the strong-willed couple can’t find a way to get back together, sources say the breakup could turn into an ugly court battle over their $200 million fortune and the custody of their six children.

The deciding moment for the pair came when they had strained words with each other while in Cannes, France, for the screening of Brad’s new movie Inglourious Basterds.

So, what the NE is saying is… I have a chance?! Best. News. Ever! Oh and yea, it’s a shame about those kids, yadda, yadda, yadda. Sorry, I’m a little preoccupied imagining different ways to trick Angelina into having sex with me before she gets too old.

Source: theblemish.com

While filming Salt in Long Island, Angelina Jolie hit her head on something and received a nick in between her eyes. Blood was drawn and of course she was rushed to the hospital. I’m surprised they didn’t MedEvac her out. Her manager says she’s fine. The statement from the production company reads:

“This morning while filming an action sequence… Angelina Jolie sustained a minor injury. As a precautionary measure, Ms. Jolie will be taken to the hospital and examined. Production on the film has resumed.”

Celebrities are babies. I bet they’re going to put a band-aid on it, give her a lollipop and send her home. If this happened to a member of the film crew, they would have been told to hold out until lunch. Their leg could be severed below the knee and bleeding out and the most they would get is one hour to drive themselves to the hospital and back.

Source: theblemish.com

If you believe Star, then you’ll believe that Angelina Jolie is pregnant for the third time. According a “family insider,” Angie and Brad have been trying for months.

A source close to the actress confirms that Angie is about two and a half months along. “She’s thrilled. She said she knew she was pregnant before the test confirmed it!” But she kept the news from Brad, only telling him when he returned from a trip to New Orleans at the end of March.

It must be like a clown car in Angelina’s uterus. Just when you think she’s done, 10 more pop out. She’s like a damn circus. They should start charging admission and maybe erect one of those tents above her vagina.

Source: theblemish.com

Much like the fainting goat, Angelina Jolie stiffened up and collapsed on the set of her latest movie Salt. Producers say she’s fine and doctors have cleared her, but friends say she’s overworked and exhausted.

”She’s just doing too much,” a longtime associate of Jolie said Tuesday. ”Angie’s trying to be a supermom, a superstar actress and a super partner [to Brad Pitt] — and it’s just getting overwhelming.”

They add that Angelina is way too thin. Thinner than what Angelina considers thin. Which is thin. Trust them. She’s also been skipping meals and opting for diet shakes instead.

I know how Angelina feels. If I even have to go downstairs to fix myself a sandwich, I need a 10 minute cool down before I can even undo the twist-tie for the bread. I can’t imagine giving the six children she has hands-on care and filming a movie. If it were up to me, I’d lock the kids in a closet before leaving for work. Oh and I’d give them a bowl of water in case they get thirsty. I’m not a complete monster, okay?

Source: theblemish.com

Angelina Jolie hasn’t finished her multi-cultural adopting spree just yet. The Sun says Angelina confided in ten-year-old Azharuddin Mohammed (Slumdog Millionaire) that she’ll be adopting an Indian orphan soon.

Angelina should just join the Babies of the Month club like I have. It was supposed to be Beers of the Month, but I marked the wrong check box. Anyway, to the foreboding quote:

In November 2006 they visited an orphanage in Pune and spent more than an hour meeting children and handing out toys.

The adoption centre’s chief said at the time: “Brad and Angelina were lovely and adore kids. Every move and every look of the couple was filled with love for our children and we were floored with their genuine affection.

“It was great excitement not only for our kids but for our staff as well.”

It would have been cool if Angelina told Mohammed she’s adopting an Indian kid and then said, “Surprise, it’s you!” and then told him she was just kidding and then pointed and laughed. Wait. Did I mean to say cruel instead of cool? No, I meant cool. Definitely cool.

Source: theblemish.com

Coming Soon has the first look at Angelina Jolie in Salt, “a spy thriller about a rogue CIA operative who tries to clear her name after she is accused of being a Russian sleeper spy.”

The role was originally meant for Tom Cruise whose character was called Edwin A. Salt, but Cruise pulled out last summer which caused them to change the character to Evelyn A. Salt and cast Jolie.

Does anyone else see a striking resemblance to Jennifer Aniston. Not because of the blonde wig, but because of the air of desperation that seemingly surrounds this sad and lonely woman?

Source: theblemish.com

Last night, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie finally met. Kind of, sort of. Aniston presented Best Animated Feature with Jack Black while in Jolie and Brad Pitt’s direct line of sight. Gasp! Tension you could cut it with a knife.

When Black made a joke about how all Pixar films win Oscars, Aniston said, “I apologize Mr. Katzenberg [Jeffrey Katzenberg is the co-founder of Dreamworks], I don’t know why we let him out of the house.”

The camera then panned to Jolie, who laughed.

When Aniston announced the nominees, she moved to the center of the stage, right in front of Jolie and Pitt. When the lights were down, Aniston smiled directly at Pitt, but not at Jolie.

Aniston then presented Best Short Film; both Pitt and Jolie kept huge smiles on their faces the entire time.

As Aniston walked off stage, Jolie and Pitt both clapped.

So they politely smiled at each other. Why is this being reported? Next, they’ll be comparing Aniston and Jolie’s bowel movements. “Aniston’s was soft and slimy indicating an unhealthy diet of fast food, but Angelina’s was firm with a healthy brown color indicating a healthy diet of rainbows and virtue, said our expert medical doctor.”

Anyway, here’s Jennifer Aniston at the Oscars. She looks confused and nervous as always. She seems out of her element surrounded by the likes of Sean Penn, Kate Winslet and Heath Ledger’s ghost. You could take a fish out of water and it’d feel more at home than Aniston did at the Oscars.

Source: theblemish.com

Last Sunday saw Sean Penn win for Best Lead Actor in Milk, Heath Ledger win for Best Supporting Actor in Dark Knight, Kate Winslet for Best Lead Actress in The Reader, Penelope Cruz for Best Supporting Actress in Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Slumdog Millionaire win for pretty much everything else.

We also found out that acting is the most important profession in America today. The level of skill required to read lines off a script is on par with being a rocket scientist.

Also discovered was that Angelina Jolie is still doesn’t look too bad. It’s like every night she sucks the youth out of Jennifer Aniston. You’d probably find closets full of shriveled up Aniston effigies if you ever looked through her house.

Source: theblemish.com

If there were ever a movie made about female race car star Danica Patrick, she would prefer if Angelina Jolie played her. Not Jennifer Aniston though. That would be utterly ridiculous.

“I’ve always said Angelina Jolie would be great because she’s an action star,” Patrick, 26, told a group of Canadian bloggers.

“Although I don’t quite look like her,” Patrick goes on.

What about Jennifer Aniston?

“I don’t think that’d be age appropriate,” she says of the He’s Just Not That Into You star, who just celebrated her 40th birthday. “She’s older than me!”

Note that Danica Patrick is 26, Angelina Jolie is 33 and Jennifer Aniston is 40. Seems strange that another 7 years makes that big of a difference. Danica should just come out and say what we all know she’s thinking. Aniston is an old, withered cow and shouldn’t be in anything unless it premieres on Lifetime or the 10′clock news.