Source: theblemish.com

I don’t know where to begin with this. The fact that Amy Winehouse looked coked out of her mind as she wobbled around on stage, that they seemed to turn down the volume on her mic so no one could hear how bad her vocals were, that thing trying to escape out from between her legs or the near riot that happened after she was booed off stage halfway through her comeback gig. There’s too much negative to focus on so I’ll just say this. At least she didn’t jab herself with a needle and OD in front of everyone. That’s something, right?

Source: theblemish.com

Gollum riding a horse. Frodo called, he wants his ring back.

Wait. This just in. That’s not a horse. That’s Sarah Jessica Parker. My apologies.

Source: theblemish.com

Look! It’s Amy Winehouse and she’s doing something unusual again. Winehouse is like that retarded kid who you always watch to see what dumb thing they do next. If it’s not trying to cut themselves with scissors or crawling on the ground to steal alcoholic beverages, it’s inexplicably climbing over fences. 

The Daily Mail suggests that Amy was attempting to avoid the paparazzi. It worked out great. Her sweats got caught on one of the fence spikes and her neighbor had to help her down.

Amy is very inconspicuous that way. Later on, to continue evading the paparazzi, she ducked out of a restaurant by running through a plate glass window and stealthily escaped in her car by jamming on the gas and running over pedestrians.

Source: theblemish.com

Amazingly sober, Amy Winehouse sashayed into court and plead “not guilty” to assaulting a fan in September 2008 at a high society ball. Outside, Amy happily obliged the paparazzi who were snapping away at her giving them her sexiest poses. Rawr. I dare you not to get sexually confused after looking at that.

Source: theblemish.com

Amy Winehouse has been charged with assault and will appear in court later this month to answer to claims that she punched a dancer at a charity ball last September. Sherene Flash, the victim, said the incident occurred when she asked for a picture with Winehouse. Amy agreed, but when Flash asked if her friend could also be in the picture, Amy punched her in the eye and ran off crying: “Life can’t go on. I can’t do this anymore.”

Total drama queen. Amy does the same thing when Starbucks gets her order wrong which is why half the servers there have black eyes. Sometimes she doesn’t even order anything and just comes in to punch them in the face. Serves them right for doing whatever it was they were doing at the time.

Source: theblemish.com

Upon hearing her husband Blake Fielder-Civil had been released from jail, Amy Winehouse cut short her 71-day vacation in St. Tropez and grabbed the first flight back to London to save her relationship. However, it was not without incident.

Winehouse went off on a guy who she thought was “giving her the eye.” A friend said, “she was nervous about coming back and seeing Blake so it didn’t take much to push her over the edge.” No one knows what “strange looks” Amy was referring to, but you can probably guess the guy was checking out Amy and praying she didn’t come over and kick his ass. A recent poll shows that’s the number one concern among passengers flying with Amy Winehouse. Coming in second was “flying sober.”

Source: theblemish.com

While Amy Winehouse was making everyone in St. Lucia uncomfortable with her unsolicited nudity, two men ransacked her vacated London apartment stealing $21,000 worth of property. The robbers reportedly made off with recording equipment, a flat screen TV and five “irreplaceable” guitars.

Police showed up at Amy’s residence at 4 a.m. when they received a call about a possible disturbance. They discovered the lock on her door had been kicked in and recovered a few items that the thieves dropped on the street.

Amy wasn’t too distressed when they called her. She found solace in the fact that she brought her favorite guitar with her which kept it from being lifted.

I’m worried. For the criminals. Do you think they’re alright? What sort of disease do you think they got? It must be weird contracting gonorrhea from a guitar. Considering you haven’t even stuck it in your ass yet.

Source: theblemish.com

Amy Winehouse is still in St. Lucia irritating the guests any way she knows how. Her latest attempt at making everyone feel very uncomfortable was playing Scrabble topless. The Sun describes:

“While taking a break from her usual antics on the beach, Amy spotted some people playing Scrabble and decided to offer her spelling knowledge.

“But only after whipping off her top!

The look on that woman’s face is one of pure terror. If this were me, this picture would look like one of those cartoons where all you see is Amy’s arm around a puff of smoke in the shape of my body while the Scrabble board wiggled back and forth in mid-air. Photos NSFW.

Source: theblemish.com

Amy Winehouse is currently on a health vacation at the all-inclusive Le Sport Spa in St. Lucia. It’s going well to say the least. Amy starts her day with yoga stretches and exercise rings, then spends the afternoon drinking on the beach and smoking pot and then at night, devolves into a feral alcoholic pest. She’s sort of like Teen Wolf, but replace the cool basketball skills and animal magnetism with alcoholism. A source tells The Sun:

“We keep catching her crawling past bars, or hiding behind chairs. She grabs guests’ drinks and runs off, like a squirrel with a nut.”

She was spotted creeping up behind one woman, asking for a cigarette and then sprinting away with her cocktail.

I thought The Sun was exaggerating and that the photo they posted of Amy sneaking up behind guests like a thirsty, beehived cat had a logical explanation. Then I figured, it’s Amy Winehouse. If anything, The Sun had to understate the facts because they were afraid people would call them liars.

The Sun should have put up all the photos though. The next one was of one of the waiters chasing Amy away with a broom. The one after that was Amy Winehouse biting his arm and giving him rabies. The last one was Amy running around with her hair on fire after knocking down one of the table candles.

Source: theblemish.com

While her husband sits in jail figuring out who he has to fellate for his next fix, Amy Winehouse, 25, is busy hanging out with her new boytoy Joshua Bowman, 21, who she met in St. Lucia. Did I mention Josh is a struggling actor. Shocking, I know, but don’t worry, he’s not using Amy Winehouse for publicity. He said so himself.

‘She’s just a cool girl, very nice, and we’re just very friendly. She’s a good laugh – she is such a lovely girl and on great form.

‘I can’t say much more than that. I have been having a lovely time relaxing. It’s not been all party-party. I don’t drink much at all as it happens.

‘It’s true to say that I’m a budding young actor. But I’d rather get my name out there because of my acting rather than who I’m being photographed with. I wasn’t waiting until there was a photographer on the beach to put my arm around Amy.”

You know how sometimes your friends egg you on even if they know what you’re about to do is really stupid? That’s probably what happened here.

Joshua: Do you think I’ll get famous if I have sex with Amy Winehouse?
Friend: Um.
Joshua: I think I’m gonna do it.
Friend: Well, okay. I mean, she is really hot. 
Joshua: You think so, man? Because I think…
Friend: Oh, no. Definitely. She’s a 9. Almost a 10.