Source: theblemish.com

Scarlett Johansson is in the new issue of Allure and here are some outtakes along with the published photos. They should have considered using the outtakes. It may have marked the first time I could open up an Allure without being judged by the Von’s stock boy.

Source: theblemish.com

Back in 2006, Lindsay Lohan was a raging, pantiless crackhead screwing everything in site and had more white powder up her nose than Santa Claus when he fell off his sleigh. It was during this downward spiral that Lindsay asked another guest at the Dark Room in New York for a Sharpie so she could scrawl, “Scarlett is a cunt,” on the bathroom wall. Scarlett Johansson remembers the incident to this day and is still confused as to what started this feud. In an interview with Allure, Johansson ponders:

“I don’t know what the motivation was. I remember it was something really vulgar - I mean shockingly so, like, ‘Whoa, what, who are you?’ “I don’t really know that person. I only met her, like, three times.”

Many chalk it up to professional jealousy. Lindsay may have beat Scarlett out for the lead in The Parent Trap but Scarlett ended up the eventual winner in life. Although there were rumors of Scarlett’s rampant whoredom circulating through Hollywood, she kept it classy. Lindsay, on the other hand, decided to be a club scene fixture, drinking the nights away, using eight balls as nasal decongestant and flashing her vadge. Scarlett married Ryan Reynolds and has a blossoming career. Lindsay turned lesbian to become Samantha Ronson’s girlfriend and has no career. As you can plainly see, it’s point, set and match, Scarlett.

Source: theblemish.com

Congratulations nerdalinger, your wet dreams have come true. This month on the cover of the monthly geek bible, Wizard, your Joker or Iron Man or whatever comic book character you fantasize about daily has been replaced by a busty Scarlett Johansson. As an added bonus, there’s also a promise to undress the Silk Spectre which I’m told will be much better than that time they undressed Thor.

A word of warning though. Be careful to hide your raging erection from your mom when retrieving this issue from your mailbox. You don’t want to be given “the lecture” again, do you?

Source: theblemish.com

Scarlett Johansson showed up at a Parkinson’s benefit dressed like this. At least now everyone is getting the shakes. Plus, there’s no better way to raise awareness for Parkinson’s then to show some cleavage. Like my grandpa always used to say, “TIts!”

Source: theblemish.com

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds wed on Saturday night at a wilderness resort outside of Vancouver in front of a small group of friends and family.

If you were planning on stopping this wedding ala Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate, you can forget about it. That sneaky bitch Ryan Reynolds kept the wedding under wraps. I’ll get you for this Ryan. Your good looks, chiseled body and charming personality can’t keep Scarlett and I apart forever.

Source: theblemish.com

Did I say humorless? I meant humorful. Is that a word? I don’t think so because it’s being underlined in red. I’ll have to look that up. Anyway, in an effort to generate more publicity for his new movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Woody Allen wrote a fake production diary for The New York Times. He touches on various subjects including, but not limited to, Javier Bardem’s need for direction, flirting with Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz and a three-some which almost became a four-some, but turned back into a three-some.

JUNE 15

Work finally under way. Shot a torrid love scene today between Scarlett and Javier. If this were a scant few years ago, I would have played Javier’s part. When I mentioned that to Scarlett, she said, “Uh-huh,” with an enigmatic intonation. Scarlett came late to the set. I lectured her rather sternly, explaining I do not tolerate tardiness from my cast. She listened respectfully, although as I spoke I thought I noticed her turning up her iPod.

AUG. 20

Made love with Scarlett and Penélope simultaneously in an effort to keep them happy. Ménage gave me great idea for the climax of the movie. Rebecca kept pounding on the door, and I finally let her in, but those Spanish beds are too small to handle four, and when she joined, I kept getting bounced to the floor.

Woody Allen is 98 years old and had this diary not been filled with self-deprecating humor, it would have turned creepy really quick like that one time my parents left me alone with some old guy who kept giggling and asking if I wanted a lolli. Dude, I’m nine. I’m over lollis. But if you have a ring pop…

Source: theblemish.com

Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz star in Woody Allen’s new comedy Vicky Cristina Barcelona and I don’t know the synopsis or anything, but Scarlett and Penelope have a make-out scene which is more than enough reason to go see it. And since the movie is opening soon, here’s Scarlett promoting it.

When they shot the scene, “there were like 60 crewmen [sitting around] eating salami sandwiches!” Johansson said at the movie’s Los Angeles premiere Monday. “It’s really the least sexy thing you can ever imagine!”

Besides, she added, “these characters are in love with each other! Oh my gosh! People are so conservative!”

Tsk tsk. Those are very poor promotional skills Scarlett. You should have said, “At first I wasn’t into it, but when our pouty lips touched, we felt a surge of excitement rush through our bodies and we just had to stick our tongues down each other’s throats. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.” You would have had me at pouty. By the time you got to the tongue thing, my boner would have torn through my pants. Alas, you said something about being surrounded by a bunch of men and salami sandwiches, which isn’t that bad since there’s a joke in there somewhere. It’s just… I couldn’t find it and I don’t think I want to.

Source: theblemish.com

The latest issue of Life & Style claims Jennifer Aniston had her co-star, Jennifer Connelly, booted off the Marie Claire cover shoot for their new film, He’s Just Not That Into You. Drew Barrymore and Ginnifer Goodwin, however, were allowed.

Connelly… will not be included in an upcoming cover shoot for Marie Claire magazine that will feature Aniston… and her other co-stars from the October comedy, Drew Barrymore and Ginnifer Goodwin. “Word is, Aniston threatened to pull out if Jennifer was part of the cover,” says an insider familiar with the movie’s shoot. “It was all about getting Jennifer Aniston front and center and looking as sexy as possible.”

Of course. Scarlett Johansson is notably absent from the approved list as well. This is the equivalent of a bride getting two fat cows to be her bridesmaids at her wedding so she can look good by comparison. if I was shooting the cover, I’d tell Jennifer Aniston to shut the hell up and shove Aniston’s face in between Jennifer Connelly and Scarlett Johansson’s breasts to piss her off. When people go to check out the movie because of the cover, they’ll probably start wondering where the hell Jennifer Aniston came from.

Source: theblemish.com

Scarlett Johansson showed up at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute Gala last night and pimped out her new engagement ring given to her by Ryan Reynolds. However, as always, her breasts were once again in fine form and overshadowed the blinding diamond on her finger. Dammit breasts. Why do you always have to steal the spotlight?

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

You’ve probably already heard the news, Scarlett Johansson, 23, and Ryan Reynolds, 31, are engaged.

No wedding date has been set yet - apparently they aren’t in any rush to get to the alter. Scarlett specifically. Which, good for her, she’s a bit younger and I think it’s a great thing she doesn’t want to rush into it. Too bad everyone isn’t like that. :cough: Pam Anderson :cough:

Anyhow, a source told Ok! magazine, “Scarlett doesn’t want to get married anytime soon. So expect it to be a long engagement.”

“She has said time and time again that Ryan is the one who she wants to spend the rest of her life with.”

It will be the first marriage for both.