Source: theblemish.com

Kendra Wilkinson confirmed to E! that she and her fiance Hank Baskett made a baby.

“Hank and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child together,” she just told me. “We are touched by the outpouring of support by our family, friends and fans.”

In other news, Kendra just pumped her fist in the air and shouted, “Woo-hoo. Guaranteed renewal for my reality show!” That Kendra sure is optimistic.

Source: theblemish.com

Adriana Lima is pregnant. Married on Valentine’s Day, she and husband Marko Jaric are expecting to deliver in the winter. Lima claimed to be saving her virginity for marriage. In hindsight, that was a good idea. It sounds like Marko’s penis barely touched her and she got pregnant.

“Adriana and Marko are overjoyed that they are expecting their first child together and are excited to share the happy news and start their family together,” say reps.

A lot of people say Adriana Lima is one of the hottest Victoria’s Secret models, but I don’t see it. She looks a little rat-like. Not like Alessandra Ambrosio or Heidi Klum. What I’m trying to say is don’t expect their baby to be blessed with supermodel looks. Especially since Marko looks like the village idiot. At best, expect a 7 foot awkward, gangly creature that the government banishes to the sewers.

Source: theblemish.com

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen were recently married in two separate ceremonies. One in Santa Monica and another in Costa Rica. Now Radar claims that Gisele has already told close friends that she’s been knocked up. This will make it Tom’s second child with a supermodel. The first one being with Bridget Moynahan.

Oh, sure Tom. Rub it in all our faces. Not only are you a quarterback for the Pats and get to bang super rich models all day, but now we find out you’re insanely virile. Whatever dude. Fuck you and your fabulous life.

Source: theblemish.com

Shock! Horror! Ashlee Simpson could be pregnant again if this report from Star is to be believed. A source told the mag that Simpson is “just a few weeks along” and is happy, but wants to keep the news a secret for a few months.

Ashlee also thinks this second baby could bring Pete and her closer together, ie. keep him home and not in Vegas dancing with strippers. Pete, on the other hand, isn’t ready for a second child. He values his time with strippers and thinks another kid would tie him down and keep him stuck at home all day which, coincidentally, is exactly what Ashlee wants. Besides, how will Candy with the double D’s pay her way through college without Pete around? Think about it.

Anyway, to purge your mind of that image of Ashlee Simpson pushing out another Pete Wentz baby, here’s Megan Fox in ELLE.

Source: theblemish.com

One of the more ridiculous rumors today is that after she broke up with Samantha Ronson, Lindsay slept with about two dozen guys in the past two months resulting in an unplanned pregnancy. A “friend” of Lindsay swears she’s pregnant and is “going through big emotional turmoil. She’s not sure if she’ll have it or go through with an abortion that she booked to have in the next few days.” They also say Lindsay doesn’t know who the father is.

I call BS along with everyone else. The rumor is too perfect. There’s no guy to confirm it and if she doesn’t look pregnant in the next few weeks, it’s because she had an abortion so the source always ends up right. Plus, with Lindsay’s experience she knows about birth control and condoms. By now, she’s probably developed some crazy talent of retracting her own egg from incoming sperm. Not to mention there’s no way a baby could survive in that womb. I’d think a fetus would need a few more nutrients than can be gotten through Vodka, Neuro energy drinks and sperm.

Source: theblemish.com

For years, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have wanted to add to their family since the miraculous birth of their son James, but science has been unable to recreate the exact circumstances that allowed a human to crossbreed with a horse. Well, these two have finally grown tired of waiting for both science to find a solution and Matthew to get over his fear of vagina. They’ve implanted their ovaries and sperm into a surrogate mother and are expecting twins. EW says:

They had a lot of unsuccessful tries,” says the friend. “They came to the conclusion that this was going to be the best alternative for expanding their family.” The couple turned to a surrogate — whose name and place of residence have not been disclosed — last year. “They’re over the moon and excited as any prospective parents would be,” says the friend. “Their life is about to get a lot busier.”

Is this safe for the surrogate mother? I’ve seen videos of horses giving birth and it doesn’t look easy. One time I saw that they had to yank out the foal by its legs. I hope she’s mentally prepared to see eight hooves come out of her uterus.

Source: theblemish.com

Leaked sketches for one of Heidi Klum’s redesigned couture gowns have some people speculating that Heidi is already four months pregnant. The reason being that the quickly pulled plans show a space for a bump. An insider thinks this is very telling and that Heidi will announce the pregnancy when she debuts the dress.

Another possible reason for the bump in the dress is that it’s going to be used to sneak out with more food than they allow from the complimentary snack table. Bet you didn’t think of that did you In Touch? Let not our first thought be pregnancy, but be of making off with more food than is socially acceptable. Isn’t that what it says in the Bible?

Source: theblemish.com

If you believe Star, then you’ll believe that Angelina Jolie is pregnant for the third time. According a “family insider,” Angie and Brad have been trying for months.

A source close to the actress confirms that Angie is about two and a half months along. “She’s thrilled. She said she knew she was pregnant before the test confirmed it!” But she kept the news from Brad, only telling him when he returned from a trip to New Orleans at the end of March.

It must be like a clown car in Angelina’s uterus. Just when you think she’s done, 10 more pop out. She’s like a damn circus. They should start charging admission and maybe erect one of those tents above her vagina.

Source: theblemish.com

Star Magazine tries to best every celebrity mag this week by claiming Rihanna was pregnant when Chris Brown beat her. Their only proof is that Rihanna went to an ob-gyn at Cedars-Sinai after claiming to tell friends she thought she might be pregnant with Brown’s baby.

Wearing sunglasses and dressed in all black, she appeared nervous and upset. “She was extremely fidgety. She seemed totally uncomfortable,” an eyewitness at the doctor’s office tells Star.

With their relationship already on rocky ground, Rihanna feared a pregnancy could be the last straw and Chris might dump her.

“She was scared he would react badly,” says an insider.

But Rihanna did not get the chance to tell her boyfriend of a year about her trip to the doctor. Before she got a chance to say anything, Chris beat her black and blue after she tried to grab his cellphone to read a text message he had just received.

Last time I went to an ob-gyn, I got kicked out. Apparently, those stirrups aren’t the same ones that go on a horse. Suffice to say, my Lone Ranger impression didn’t go over so well.

Source: theblemish.com

If you can get past the disco skull on Good Charlotte’s Geocities themed website, you’ll find out that Nicole Richie is pregnant again. On Feb. 21, Joel Madden wrote:

What’s better than winning an Oscar? I am so happy to tell everyone that Harlow is going to be a big sister! God has truly blessed my family. Hope your all feeling as good as i am right now………

First of all, no. An Oscar is still better. Second of all, I thought these two weren’t allowed to breed anymore. Between Nicole Richie’s headband obsession and Joel Madden being a douchebag, these two seem like the worst parents ever. There are no possible life skills they can teach their kids except listen to shitty music, weigh 90lbs throughout most of your adult life and there’s no such thing as too much eyeliner. Their kids would have a better chance at life if you threw them in an active volcano.