Source: theblemish.com

Paris Hilton is currently in London filming her reality series Paris Hilton’s My New BBF and is very happy there. In fact, she loves London so much that she’s considering living there permanently. Paris told her friends,

“I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here.

“I love guys with English accents.

“I have met a really cute English guy, but it’s early days.”

Our sincerest apologies London, but Paris is your problem now. And no, we won’t take her back. We can only offer this helpful hint on dealing with the heiress. Wear gloves and gas masks at all times. Over the years, her VD’s have developed the unique ability to flutter en masse out of the chasm that she calls a vagina. This is known in the States as The Paris Hilton Effect.

Source: theblemish.com

Paris Hilton hasn’t yet learned from her Stars are Blind days that no one wants to hear her sing. People would rather tie a T-Bone to their genitals and have Michael Vick’s dogs sicked on them (timely reference!). I’m pretty sure people made her cry by telling her to her face as well.

Apparently, she chose not the listen because here she is with a new single called “My BFF” which is undoubtedly being released to promote her new MTV reality show where she sorts through a bunch of mentally unstable sycophants to find a new best friend.

Coincidentally, this is also how I find my best friends. I force a group of strangers to complete pointless tasks and exercises involving lie detectors and fecal matter. How else would I know they really want it?

You can listen to it here, here or down below.

Source: theblemish.com

On Wednesday, two of Paris Hilton’s dogs were killed after a coyote attack. Paris is said to be grief stricken and has been crying the whole day. If you remember, Paris Hilton has a ton of pets including dogs, cats and many exotic animals. She probably can’t even keep track of them all. In fact, she’ll likely have them replaced in a couple of days by a pair of puppies or something equally as cute and she’ll be all giggly again. By next week she won’t even remember this happened. When you ask her about this in a month, the only thing she’ll say is, “What’s a coyote? Is it that thing that gets you really high? Do you have any?”

Source: theblemish.com

Paris Hilton has been been sued by the distributor of National Lampoon’s Pledge This! for failing to adequately promote the film. Paris was paid $1 million and made executive producer, but according to the suit, part of her contract required her to advertise it.

Oh, she starred in it alright, playing sorority queen Victoria English. But, per the lawsuit filed today in U.S. District Court in Miami, Hilton—who was also listed as an executive producer—owes $75,000 in damages for failing to provide “reasonable promotion and publicity” for the movie.

It’s not clear what the distributors were expecting. A viral marketing campaign rivaling that of The Dark Knight’s? Paris’ idea of film promotion is to stand on the red carpet, shove a banana down her throat and proclaim, “That’s hot.” That’s what she calls her “full service treatment.” I’d be surprised if she even remembers she was in a movie. I’m convinced she begins every day with only a rudimentary knowledge of life and must relearn basic things like why you can’t eat steak with a spoon and that breathing lets you not die.

Source: theblemish.com

Last week, John McCain ran an ad which called Barack Obama a bigger celebrity than Paris and Britney and questioned his readiness to lead. Kathy Hilton, pissed because she donated to the McCain fund, criticized the ad calling it “frivolous, a waste of money, a waste of time.” Yesterday, Paris Hilton also criticized the ad in her own way; by making a video! Listen to the orangeish Paris Hilton try to sound smart. Hearing her talk about offshore oil drilling is like watching a chimp figuring out how to use tools, in that, you’re left silently stunned that this bit of insight is coming from that lazy-eyed primate.

Source: theblemish.com

Soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo has dumped hot piece of ass Nereida Gallardo. A friend says it’s because he grew “bored” with her like a cat with a ball of yarn. Nereida, of course, is in denial.

“This is all nonsense. I spoke to him today, like always. We are together. He told me he loves me and I him.”

Poor thing. You’re free now Nereida. Run along.

In other desperate gold digger news, Paris Hilton, who’s dating one of the Madden brothers, made a play for the now single Ronaldo at Villa Wednesday morning. As expected, she was neither subtle nor discreet

‘Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table. At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him. But Ronaldo clearly wasn’t interested in Paris. He turned his back on her.’

I’m impressed Paris kept some dignity and didn’t make one last ditch effort by attempting to blow Ronaldo right then and there. She probably would have misjudged the length of the table and split her head open. Anyway, Ronaldo would have none of it. He just dumped a girl fifty times hotter than Paris. Getting a bj from her after getting one from Nereida would be like going from having sex with Jessica Alba to sticking your penis in a vacuum cleaner.

Pictures of the ex below.

Source: theblemish.com

Page Six reports on Paris Hilton’s ever increasing jealousy of the attention her best friend Nicole Richie has been getting over her baby. To combat this, Paris has devised a diabolical scheme to place herself back in the public eye. Get pregnant too.

“A baby would put her back in the news.” Hilton, who’s only dated Madden for six months, is already doing what she’s never done before - swearing off drugs and booze in an attempt to try and spawn.

Paris’ whoreishness may be her own undoing. By now her uterus looks like the outside of an old metal trash can; covered with dings and dents from being poked by hundreds of penises and foreign objects. She’d need one of those suction machines they use on damaged cars to make her womb look normal again.

Source: theblemish.com

Paris Hilton, inspired by Dina Lohan’s and Denise Richard’s reality series, has pitched her own show which involves gossip targets like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Tori Spelling — as well as Richards, Hilton and her former ”The Simple Life” co-star, Nicole Richie — in a two hour special telling people what it’s like to be them. Bravo and Lifetime are reportedly interested.

Paris Hilton with an idea is rare which is what makes this story fascinating. Could you hear the rusted gears in her head grind together as she began to think? Did cartoonish smoke rise out from her ears? Did she feel pain when it happened? As synapses fired off throughout her head, were her first words, “Ow, what is this new sensation. It’s like menstrual cramps in my brain.” Do tell. People would love to know.

By the way, this show is a great idea because people will love coming home from their 9 to 5 to watch a bunch of spoiled celebrities complain about the constant attention they receieve from tabloids and paparazzi. After this, people will probably have more compassion and respect for them. “I may stare at a computer screen all day praying for death, but at least I don’t have ‘celebrity’ problems. What with their disposable income, paid appearances at clubs, free iPods and clothes… gah, who wants to deal with THAT?,” they’ll ask themselves.

Source: theblemish.com

Hospital officials said Paris Hilton made an “extremely generous” donation towards the construction of a medical building at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, but didn’t specify the amount.

“The children I have met through my involvement with Childrens Hospital have truly touched my heart,” Hilton said in a statement. “I am proud to make a donation and lend my name to the fundraising effort to help children who are facing terribly serious illnesses.”

They put “extremely generous” in quotes. Am I supposed to conclude Pairs Hilton blew all the construction workers at the building site or merely gave them hand jobs? Tell me FOX News. Inquiring minds want to know.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

• Paris Hilton’s “dog friendly” reputation has gone down the shitter with numerous rumors of her neglecting pets, and apparently the employees at The Puppy Store on Melrose Avenue were aware of this. Last weekend Paris was headed to a photo shoot and decided, out of the blue, that she wanted a puppy because she thought the pictures would be “cuter”. The dumbass went into the pet store, probably strutted around the room a couple of times and quickly decided she wanted a Yorkshire Terrier. The store’s employee, not wanting to see an animal go to someone who would make such a decision on impulse, refused to sell the dog to her. Paris blew a gasket, screaming, “I love my puppies! I want my baby!” and left without a dog.

• Rumor has it Ed McMahon’s wife of 16 years, Pamela McMahon, is spending her husband’s money hand over fist. She loves to shop and apparently acts completely unaware of their financial problems. Just on one AmEx card alone they owe $750K. Although many of Ed’s friends and colleagues would like to help him out financially, they worry that it will only encourage Pamela to keep spending freely. Sadly, Donald Trump is using Ed’s money problems to gain publicity for himself, announcing loudly to the public that he wants to help the 85-year-old. However, he has only said this to the cameras . . not Ed. A source close to Ed hinted, “people who are talking publicly aren’t necessarily the ones who are helping.”

• Queen Latifah, 38, who has been a Jenny Craig spokesperson since January, is inspiring plus sized women to lead healthy lifestyles. She says she initially signed up, not to get skinny, but instead to get healthy. “My intention was to lose five to 10 percent of my body weight because it makes a difference with health related issues, and I achieved that goal in a couple of months. I’m excited about this weight loss.” Latifah is also going to the gym five to seven days a week, switching between the treadmill or elliptical machine. “My jeans are looser, I feel more energetic. People dig it. They come up to me and say ‘I’m glad you’re talking about the health side of it.’ People get that message, which is important too. They see that I’m doing this for the health reasons but also say, ‘She’s still representing for the big girls. She hasn’t abandoned us!’ This is me doing something for me, but if I am going to be a role model I hope people can catch on.”

• Gavin Rossdale recently said that his pregnant wife Gwen Steffani is under tremendous pressure by the media to lose the baby weight once she gives birth. Gwen is due with the couple’s second child this summer. Gavin says he feels terrible that his wife has to worry about it. “Yeah, she does (feel under pressure). I mean, she’s just so dedicated and she’s just amazing with that stuff (weight loss). It’s very hard because everyone’s so judged the whole time.”