Source: theblemish.com

Mariah Carey is in Snoop Dogg’s forthcoming video and if her huge breasts are any indication, it’ll be amazing. “This is more exciting than walking on the moon,” exclaimed Buzz Aldrin and his boner. More after the jump.

Source: theblemish.com

Star Magazine credits diet and exercise for Britney’s new bikini body. Amazing because their world exclusive photo shows the same Britney everyone has been staring at for the past two years.

And while she’s not there yet, she has dropped 20 pounds, the cellulite is gone and her dancer’s legs are back!

Pick up the May 5 issue — on newsstands right now! — to see the amazing photo spread. Plus, find out how she beat the cellulite, dropped 20lbs in just 30 days and get the skinny on her diet and workout secrets.

Dancer’s legs? The only way Britney can dance with those tree trunks is if they reinforced the stage with titanium. Maybe they meant elephant’s legs. Yea, that’s probably it. Although, that’d be pretty insulting to elephants everywhere.

Source: theblemish.com

Street Kings over Smart People, 21 over Smart People: Simply for the fact that no one likes smart people. Or was that a smart ass?John Travolta loves the theatre: John Travolta took his daughter to see The Little Mermaid where he enthusiastically sang along along to Under the Sea. Possibly at the same time yearning for a place like that where no one would judge him. Afterwards, he took his daughter and her 26 friends backstage where he touched all the costumes and generally acted like a five year old girl. Once again, all the while envisioning this magical kingdom where no one would judge him. Word of advice: It doesn’t exist Johnny.

Lindsay won’t be doing full frontal: That’s okay because we’ve already seen it.

Britney wants to do the reality thing: Britney Spears is keen on starring in her own reality show where she can make money while doing nothing. Watch Britney eat a three course meal at a fancy restaurant. It’ll be the most exciting five minutes of your life.

Source: theblemish.com

Trista Sutter, best known for just now being mentioned on this site, recently had a baby with Ryan Sutter. With that, MomLogic.com asked Ryan to pen a column titled “10 Things You Don’t Know About Dads,” because apparently depositing your sperm in a reality tv star makes you an authority on being a father. Regardless, Ryan informed women, “even when you’re about to breastfeed, we get turned on because we’re guys and we just see boobs.” He also wrote that dads feign ignorance at soiled diapers so the mother will find out and change it and that he checks out 25-year-olds through his sunglasses.

Ryan basically gets turned on by anything including babies sucking on nipples, checks out other women constantly and tricks his wife into changing diapers. I’m sure this reminded Trista as to why they fell in love. Maybe for the 11th fact he can write “dads get headaches too” and then for the 12th, “dad’s masturbate to the Victoria’s Secret catalog while their wives are out with the kids” and for the 13th, “I drink to forget.”

Source: theblemish.com

21 and The Ruins over Leatherheads: Why do I suck at guessing the box office?

Kathleen Turner was wrong: Kathleen Turner took back her story about Nicholas Cage stealing chihuahuas after Nic won his lawsuit. One small step for Nic. One giant leap for chihuahuas. Or something like that.

Jay-Z and Beyonce may be marrying: Like, right now.

Lauren Conrad takes a stand: Lauren Conrad wants you to club sandwiches not seals. Someone should inform Lauren clubbing sandwiches doesn’t make you feel as big a man as when you club seals. Especially baby seals.

Source: theblemish.com

Something is growing on Paris: The Daily Mail calls that thing on her foot an “unsightly throbbing bunion.” I call it freaking disgusting.

Horton Hears a Who over 21 and Stop-Loss: Can this lovable children’s film about an elephant triumph over card counters and patriotism? I was unquestionably wrong last week so… probably not.

The Hills movie a possibility: Lauren Conrad recently hinted that a Hills movie was likely. Speaking with MTV blog, Lauren said, “We have kind of talked about it,” she said with a big smile that seemed to say, “we have ABSOLUTELY talked about it.” MTV has already begun the long drawn out process of filming Lauren’s pensive stares to use at the end of scenes.

Katie Holmes to make her Broadway debut: The Daily Mail strikes again. This time revealing Katie Holmes eagerness to star in the Broadway revival of All My Sons. So if you’ve ever wanted to see a robotic, subdued performance from the former doe-eyed and energetic Dawson’s Creek star live onstage, then you’re in luck.

Source: theblemish.com

Anonymous strikes again: Anonymous released the video Scientology doesn’t want you to see via The Pirate Bay. Distribution of The Profit was banned in the US courtesy of the Church of Scientology, but with the power of the internet, Captain Planet and Voltron, anyone with 5 gigs of hard drive space and loads of free time can watch it.

The film was described by its producers as a work of fiction, meant to educate the public about cults and con men. It was widely seen, however, as a parody of the Church of Scientology and its founder, L. Ron Hubbard. The main character L. Conrad Powers leads an organization called the “Church of Scientific Spiritualism”, and many elements about both the Church portrayed in the film, and Powers’ life have been compared to Scientology and Hubbard. The film was mainly produced and shot in Tampa Bay, Florida, and the cast included actors from the area and cameos from a few Scientology critics.

Suck on that Scientology.

Weekend Box Office: Drillbit Taylor over Tyler Perry and Shutter. By the way, who’s Tyler Perry and how does he come out with all these movies? Are they really as bad as they sound? My intuition tells me yes and coincidentally, so do the voters on IMDB.

21 feels a lot like The Last Casino: True, both of these are loosely based on the book Bringing Down the House about counting cards with 6 MIT students and a financial backer. Except, The Last Casino debuted in 2004 and tells the story of a professor recruiting 3 students to count cards while 21 comes out next week and tells the story of a professor recruiting 4 students to count cards.

Source: theblemish.com

Christina Aguilera gave birth at Cedars-Sinai today. Life & Style confirms. I’m told the baby came out covered in body hair. Husband Jordan was heard grunting with joy.

Meanwhile, Nicole Richie also gave birth to a 6 lb. 7 oz. baby girl at Cedars. She named her Harlow Winter Kate Madden which means anorexic whore in French. No, just kidding. I never took French.

Courtney Thorne-Smith also gave birth today. Who? Yea, exactly.

David Alan Grier also welcomed a girl today. Hey, is there anyone else? I don’t want to have to leave just to come back and talk about another stupid baby.

Source: theblemish.com

Britney Spears was playing truth or dare with friends when she revealed her secret crush on Kim Kardashian and called her a horny beast. The Sun says,

“I really love Kim’s butt, skin and hair. Kim is a real women. A real horny beast.”

This is great. No, really. I’ve always wanted to know what it was like when two of the world’s most overrated celebs have sex. I can’t begin to tell you how hot this is. When Britney Spears seductively smears her grease stained lips over Kim Kardashian’s huge ass, it’ll be magic. It’ll probably make that squeaky sound you get when you rub a balloon with your hands. You’ll never look at a kid’s birthday party the same again.

Source: theblemish.com

Go out and celebrate July 4th by becoming obscenely drunk and setting off fireworks in your friend’s pants. It’s what Jesus would have done. I’ll be back tomorrow with more hard hitting news asses in bikinis.