Naomi Watts, 39, is four months pregnant with her second child after only giving birth to Alexander Pete 10 months ago. She was last seen in the US remake of Funny Games and is set to star in the Alfred Hitchcock remake of The Birds. Up until two years ago, she made regular appearances in my fantasies, pleasuring me with naked lap dances and complex math equations. Now she just mopes around in my dreams bitching until I throw a donut at her. So, I think I speak for everyone when I say, “Fuck you Liev Schreiber.”

Thus continues my posting of “kids sticking fingers in their mom’s mouths” banner pictures. Except, this time it looks like the kid is making Naomi do the blowjob motion making it even more weird and awkward.

It’s been a while since Naomi Watts was seen anywhere. Plus, the police came over this morning and said this site needed to be sexier. Like me. Aww, you’re too kind officer.

Former personal trainer to the stars and unnecessary consonant enthusiast, Robb Parr, has a new book coming out titled “Star Quality.” In it, he tells of how celebrities like Demi Moore, Madonna and Naomi Watts were unshapely beasts before they met him.

“[Demi] lacked a defined waist, carried too much meat on her thighs, and was, by movie-star standards, thick overall. To taper her waist, we decided to accentuate her shoulders, creating a V-shape. We trimmed her thighs, shaving off some of the excess fat from above her knees, and accentuated her butt, further emphasizing her waist.” As for Madonna, whom Parr also whipped into shape, “When [she] and I started working together, she was very soft . . .” As for Aussie cutie Naomi Watts, she came to Parr “fleshy, and we needed to trim and tighten so that she would fit the mold of a bikini-clad babe.”

And when exercise didn’t work, Demi Moore got plastic surgery. Oh, snap!

By the way, was it Robb’s plan to make Madonna look like She-Hulk? I bet even her cooch is buff and that people parise her all the time for her vaginal dexterity.

“My face requires me to have expression. If it’s frozen, what right do I have to play that part?”

- Naomi Watts has no plans to try Botox.

Source

Maxim magazine has released a list of the ‘Hottest Pregnant Women, Ever’. Which seems a big call as, in order for the species to continue, women have to keep on making babies. Rather adorably, my husband emailed me this list, saying I should be on it. This was very sweet, particularly since I spent my whole pregnancy with bloodshot eyes from vomiting. Although I do wonder why the Maxim webpage isn’t blocked, what is he doing at work looking at this?

The Hottest Pregnant Women, Ever
1. Halle Berry
2. Christina Aguilera
3. Heidi Klum
4. Brooke Burke
5. Gwen Stefani
6. Angelina Jolie
7. Naomi Watts
8. Jaime Pressley
9. Monica Bellucci

[From Maxim]

Looking at the pictures, I’m guessing that most of these women spent their pregnancies with a personal stylist maintaining their sexiness, which is maybe how it should be for all pregnant women’s self esteem. Could we get some kind of government assistance for that?

Halle Berry is shown on 10/25/07 at the Things We Lost in the Fire premiere, thanks to Splash. Christina Aguilera is shown at the launch of Kitson men on 11/12/07. Heidi Klum is shown at the Emmy Awards on 8/28/06. Brooke Burke is shown at the Enchanted premiere on 11/17/07. Gwen Stefani is shown on 5/27/06. Angelina Jolie in Paris photos are from late May, 2006. Naomi Watts is shown at the opening of an Escada boutique in early May, 2007. Jamie Pressly is shown on 1/28/07 at the SAG Awards. Thanks to WENN, Splash and PRPhotos for these pictures.