Source: theblemish.com

Megan Fox made her way from Berlin to London for another premiere of Transformers. I think me and everyone else have already covered the fact that she’s pretty and young and virile and the complete opposite of Jennfier Aniston. If I ever had the opportunity to talk with her, my mind would go on auto-pilot and I’d start humping her leg. Which would be the least embarrassing thing I’d do. You probably couldn’t even understand me saying, “I love you Megan Fox,” through the buckets of drool coming out of my mouth.

Source: theblemish.com

Good news. My fantasies are starting to become reality. Those visits to the shaman are finally paying off.

Megan Fox told The Sun that she dumped her fiance Brian Austin Green. Again. But supposedly for real this time. In Berlin promoting Transfomers: Revenge of the Fallen, Fox said, “I’m currently what you would call single I guess.”

Asked who she wanted to eff next, she said: “Oh I don’t know. There is this Korean JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE named RAIN and I’m really on his situation now. I’m trying to fix this up. I’m working hard.”

I hope she wasn’t joking about being single. That’d be pretty mean of her. I don’t like it when she teases me like that. What you got to do that for, baby? Plus, I already sent her a “Congrats on your break-up. Want to have sex?” cake. It’s made of chocolate and Rohypnol.

Anyway, she looked gorgeous at the Berlin premiere of Transformers. It was almost enough to make you forget about the creepy toe-thumbs. If there’s one good thing about breaking up with Megan Fox, it’s that you won’t feel like you’re being jacked off by a three-toed sloth anymore.

Source: theblemish.com

Famed writer/director Pedro Almodovar (Volver, Talk to Her) is at Cannes right now promoting his new movie Broken Embraces, which is one of ten movies up for a Palme d’Or top prize. At a press junket, he told everyone one time he went down on an actress in order to show an actor what’s up.

‘I play all the roles on set,’ Almodovar said at Cannes where he is attending the premiere of his latest oeuvre ‘Broken Embraces’.

‘In a film I made a long time ago … I even performed cunnilingus on an actress to show the actor how to do it,’ he said at a press conference as he sat next to Penelope Cruz, who stars in his new movie.

Bam! And that, my friends, is why I want to be a director.

Source: theblemish.com

According to The Sun, there’s an onset feud brewing between Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett is hogging the spotlight what with her natural sexiness. Additionally, not only was Gwyneth anticipating working with Emily Blunt instead of Scarlett, but now she has put up with being dressed in pants suits while Johansson is running around in the movie wearing catsuits and carrying guns which is how it should be.

One Hollywood source revealed yesterday: “Gwyneth has become very frustrated with Scarlett.

“They come from different worlds and have completely different styles.

“Gwyneth has found Scarlett very demanding of the attention of the crew. It’s not a happy set.”

Gwyneth’s had to live with that and she has been very professional, but she and Scarlett haven’t developed a friendship on the shoot, which is almost at the half way point.

Is it any wonder that Gwyneth Paltrow hates Scarlett Johansson? She’s young, has big tits, hot and is basically the exact opposite of Paltrow. If they were to eat a hot dog, Scarlett would be the one deep-throating it and Gwyneth would be the one cutting it up with a fork and knife. Because she’s a humorless bitch, you see.

Source: theblemish.com

At least it isn’t as campy as the last one where Bumblebee started weeping fluid when Shia told him he’s not taking him to college. And of course there’s a gratuitous scene of Megan Fox posing/writhing on a motorcycle and the promise of a webcam. That’s hot because we all know that girls like to get naked for their boyfriends on those internet video things and eventually those recordings are leaked onto pornographic websites. That’s not going to happen in this PG-13 movie, but the possiblity is there and that’s pretty exciting.

Source: theblemish.com

Keira Knightley showed up to the premiere of Cheri at the Berlin Film Festival looking like Liam Gallagher from Oasis. Her pants suit and flat chest didn’t help either. If you took her home, you’d probably be disappointed to find out she didn’t have a penis. Also disappointing? No refunds.

Source: theblemish.com

For the second weekend in a row, Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail has won out at the box office with $16.9 million, proving that white people really do like his movies. And, according to the numbers, they like them a lot more than they like those youth-grouping 3-D Jonas’s, who disappointed on week two with a pussified $12.7 million.

Looks like Tyler Perry is almost to the bottom of his life checklist:

1.) Stop being homeless. CHECK.

2.) Include my entire name in the title of everything I do until I get that respect. CHECK.

3.) Get that respect. CHECK.

4.) Take my name off of everything I do ’cause I got that respect.

Almost there, TP. Almost.

(Incidentally, that checklist is called Tyler Perry’s Life Checklist.)

Source: theblemish.com

AnnaLynne McCord showed with 3 inches of fabric on to the premiere of her new movie, Fired Up (initials “FU”, snicker). Not sure the premise of the film, but I hear it’ll be great. The best thing since Schindler’s List. “I haven’t been this excited for something since Baskin Robin’s free scoop Tuesday,” said Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times.

Source: theblemish.com

I’ll be taking a break from regular posting, but here are some quick hits.

There will be no third Narnia: Disney has decided to sever ties with Walden media effectively ending the Chronicles of Narnia series which it had hoped to be its own Harry Potter. At least until Walden can find someone else to co-finance and co-produce the film. This is a lot like high school when you asked a girl to prom but found out she didn’t put out so you dumped her at the last minute and went with someone uglier, but much sluttier. In this case, you’re Disney and Walden is the first girl. The slutty girl is any animation with a celebrity voiceover.

Watchmen still in trouble: A judge has ruled that Fox owns the rights to the Watchmen which is currently slated for release in March 2009 by Warner Bros. Fox seeks to stop the release of the film. Probably until they’re given a percentage of the profits. In other news, comic book nerds everywhere have fallen to their knees and screamed in agony to the heavens.

Michael Lohan says Lindsay is faking it: Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan blogged about her dad’s infidelity and illegitimate child. Today Michael denied those claims and said that there is a 99% chance that post was written by his arch-nemesis Samantha Ronson. Michael also insisted that the Illuminati were after him. After which he whispered, “Illuminati means minorities, right?”

Kim Kardashian denies it: Kim Kardashian has come to her brother Rob’s defense after the often incoherent Courtney Love made an accusatory post about him. Courtney claimed Rob punched her employee in the nose and shouted homophobic epithets at him. Kim says this never happened and Courtney will be hearing from her attorneys soon. Another thing Courtney will be hearing? The orderly pleading with her to take her meds.

Source: theblemish.com

While everyone else knows nothing about the next Batman movie, The Sun is sitting in their high chair laughing at those peons chasing their tails. You see, they are in the know and are well aware of exactly who’s going to be in it. Are you ready for the big news? Hold on to your mind because it’s about to be blown.

The Beverly Hills Cop star, 47, has been signed up by British director CHRISTOPHER NOLAN to reprise the role played by JIM CARREY in 1995’s Batman Forever.

Execs have also signed up rising Transformers star SHIA LABEOUF, 22, to play Robin.

Meanwhile, Brit RACHEL WEISZ is said to be up for the Catwoman role.

Congratulations, The Sun. You are the winner. It only makes sense that Shia LaBeouf will play Robin since he recently played Harrison Ford’s sidekick in Indiana Jones. And of course Eddie Murphy will play The Riddler since he, um, loves wearing costumes? As long as we’re throwing names around, how about have William H. Macy play The Penguin and Jennifer Aniston play Batgirl? It makes just as much sense as the Eddie Murphy and Shia LaBeouf thing.