Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Thank gawd I am not famous.

I could not stand to have paparazzi around me like Lindsay Lohan has in this video. I think I would lose it! I’d seriously have to come out swinging nunchucks or a heavy ball and chain and shit. I kid not, there would be blood!

Source: theblemish.com

Lindsay Lohan realizes she isn’t as big a draw as she once was and with no significant work in the near future, meaning no income whatsoever, she’s sunk to selling her own exclusives to magazines. The first of which was supposed to be a $1 million story to OK! Magazine detailing her lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson. However, Page Six leaked the story and now Lindsay is having second thoughts since it might “jeopardize future exclusives.”

“She might not have wanted to do a cover before when it was actually news (that she’s dating Samantha Ronson), but she wants someone to do the story now, she needs the money,” said the source. “Of course a deal isn’t going to work now, after so many pictures of the two of them have already gone public.”

Not only is Lindsay having fame problems, but so are the rest of the Lohans. They’re being bested by the Spears.

“She can’t believe Britney Spears got so much attention for ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and no one cared that (Lohan) was on ‘Ugly Betty.’ Even Jamie Lynn (Spears) has managed to steal the little-sister spotlight from Ali (Lohan) by timing the end of her pregnancy with the start of ‘Living Lohan.’ It’s not an auspicious season for the family.”

When you can’t even sell your own exclusives to magazines, that’s when you know you’re an idiot. Lindsay was probably sitting around looking at pictures of her kissing Samantha and thought she could make money by exclusively telling a magazine that she and Samantha are gay for each other. This is the equivalent of buying an iPhone and the next day going to the patent office to get some sort of copyright on it. On an unrelated note, one time I went to a patent office to tell them about my cool new phone idea. I couldn’t realy make out what they said through all that laughter, but I think the answer was “no.” Whatever.

Source: theblemish.com

A gust of wind blew up Lindsay Lohan’s dress as she made her way down the red carpet of the 2008 MTV Movie Awards. The wind later apologized saying he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing.

Thanks Capt. Cornhole fro the heads up.

Source: theblemish.com

Michael Lohan, Lindsay’s psycho attention whoring father, showed up at the Penninsula Hotel on Wednesday where Lindsay’s girlfriend Samantha Ronson was deejaying and staked out the lobby waiting for Lindsay to arrive. A source revealed to Page Six:

“It was freaky. He was sitting on the steps and texting like mad, and looking very upset that she hadn’t arrived.”

Lindsay supposedly learned about her dad’s ambush and steered clear of the hotel, opting instead to have lunch with her mom and sister. A wise choice because Michael Lohan is crazy. He’s the kind of guy who professes his love for god, but a week later police find twenty dead bodies piled up in his basement all dressed in evening gowns, their hair bleached and wearing whorish makeup and spray on tans.

Dina Lohan, on the other hand, is less of a psycho, but still a horrible parent. At least according to a few critics who caught a glimpse of her reality show on E!. Viewers were appalled when Dina Lohan showed Lindsay Lohan’s alleged sex tape to 14-year-old Ali.

“Last time I checked, allowing a child to watch porn is against the law,” one viewer commented on GlossLip.com. Another asked on Trashwire.com, “Does anyone besides me think it’s weird that Dina showed her daughter [such images]?”

It’s true, Dina is a pretty awful at raising children, but still, by the time I was 14, I’d already seen sites like Goatse.cx, Rotten.com, Stileproject and Orgish (now LiveLeak). This was actually pretty tame. Knowing how Lindsay turned out, Ali’s probably already doing Kegel exercises when she pees. She could probably grip a bowling ball with her vagina by now. A 6 pound one. She hasn’t yet reached the expert level of 14 pounds like Lindsay. One day, though. One day.

Source: theblemish.com

Summer is almost here which means a bunch of burnt out celebs, 80% of which will hail from MTV reality tv, will be hanging around the pool or beach in their bikinis. To start it off, here’s Lindsay in hers with a notable decrease in breast size. What gives? Has the almighty Zeus taken that away from her as well? Why would he be so cruel as to leave her with no discernible talents?

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Even though Lindsay Lohan’s mother and sister deny that she is romantically involved with Samantha Ronson, Lindsay’s blabbermouth father, Michael, has no problems outing his famous daughter.

Michael spoke with Usmagazine.com about the lesbian relationship between Lindsay and Sam. He says, “it’s evident to anyone with half a brain.”

Even though he was so eager to publicly announce his daughter’s sexuality, he says that it’s something he really doesn’t want to know about. “Just like the Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn’t want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false.”

Michael also used the opportunity to slam Lindsay’s mother, Dina, saying she exploits her children and that the family has basically gone to hell since their split. He says, “Maybe her mother’s life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn’t. I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don’t deceive or exploit my kids. But I will say this: While we were a family, you never even saw or heard a negative thing about any of us. But since the separation, look at everything that has happened!”

So, did I hear that right? He’s not into exploiting his children, but yet he continually runs to tabloids to spill the family’s personal business. Dina and Michael are both equally nuts! And as you know, crazy + crazy = Lindsay Lohan!

Yes, the relationship is obvious, but for Michael to out his daughter just goes to show you how classless this family is.

Source: theblemish.com

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson were in Cannes at P. Diddy’s yacht party on Thursday where guests say the two best friends looked like they were in love. The Sun has pictures of Lindsay nuzzling Samantha’s neck and another where they almost seem to be kissing.

“And they didn’t care who saw them draped over each other. “If they are together then it’s a nice vision of their love.”

Rumors of a romantic lesbian relationship between these two have been floating around for years. I can see why. Lindsay is young and somewhat attractive while Samantha Ronson looks like a Gremlin. One of the ugly ones. Not Gizmo. This has hot lesbian sex written all over it. Personally, I’d trap Samantha in a burlap sack and throw her in the furnace, but the heart wants what the heart wants. And if that’s some creepy Gollum-like creature who shuffles behind you when you go out, then so be it.

PEOPLE posted a better picture.

Source: theblemish.com

A haggard Lindsay Lohan was walking down Robertson Blvd on May 9, grabbing lunch at Cuvee Cafe when eager fans tried to get her attention by shouting, “Courtney! Courtney!” Yes, they thought Lindsay was Courtney Love. Haha, bitch. A source told Star,

Wearing black Ray-Ban sunglasses and bright-pink lipstick similar to what Courtney sometimes wears, she was a dead ringer for the rock queen. “She was also looking extremely pale,” the source adds. “You know things are going downhill when you get mistaken for an ex-druggie plastic surgery disaster who’s twice your age!”

This is pretty bad. I actually feel a tinge of sympathy for Lindsay. Even Courtney Love is offended when people mistake her for Courtney Love. Courtney Love looks like she was about to be bashed in the face with a shovel, but escaped unscathed only because her attacker felt that making her uglier just wouldn’t be fair. Being mistaken for Courtney Love is probably the worst thing to befall anyone. I’m not exaggerating when I say you might as well kill yourself if this ever happens to you.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Dina Lohan and daughter Ali are still out pimpin’ their upcoming reality show, Living Lohan.

Although I can’t stand Dina, I’ll be watching. I love to hate her, I suppose. And Ali, well, I can’t get over how much she reminds me of her sister, except Lindsay looked and seemed a lot younger at 14-years-old than Ali does. Ali is 14 going on 30! At least Lindsay didn’t look 30 until she was like, 17.

Source: theblemish.com

Two weeks ago, a Columbia University student by the name of Maria “Masha” Markova claimed Lindsay Lohan stole her $11,000 mink coat. Masha said she put the coat down at a party next to Lindsay and when she got back she was gone. Later, she discovered Lindsay was wearing it while browsing through gossip rags. After calling the club to complain, the coat ominously made its way back to her.

Still, Masha knows an opportunity when she sees one and is now filing suit against Lindsay. She originally wanted $10,000 for what can be described as a rental fee, but now she’s seeking much more in punitive damages. According to the lawsuit, the plaintiff, Masha, has been injured by the defendant’s, Lindsay’s, actions. The Post writes:

We are seeking punitive damages, which can be substantial, especially if it turns out that the underlying facts amount to a crime, even though we’re seeking a civil, not criminal remedy,” said Markova’s lawyer, Merrill Cohen.

The lawsuit implied that Lohan looked good in the mink coat and benefited from paparazzi snapping off pictures of her in the fur - all while Markova nervously believed the family gift was lost.

“Throughout this time, defendant used plaintiff’s blond mink coat for her own benefit and deprived plaintiff of her rightful possession and use of her property,” the lawsuit claims.

Lindsay should pay for this, but screw you Masha. It’s not like Lindsay raped your dog. She took a mink coat and gave it back, albeit with some coercing. Just go up to Lindsay and punch her in the face a few times. Maybe kick her in the ovaries. Suing over this is retarded. If this ever makes it to court, I hope Markova loses and her punishment for filing this retarded suit is to be thrown from a car going 50 mph into a cactus farm.