Source: theblemish.com

In shocking news of the day, Lindsay Lohan has a secret sister. And I don’t mean “sista”. I mean biological sister. Lindsay’s father, Michael, told OK! that while married, but separated, he carried on a relationship with another woman who had a child. This woman convinced Michael that only he could be the father. The girl’s mother, figuring this is the most opportune time to strike, has told Michael to take responsibility (monetarily).

In fact, OK! has seen letters Michael wrote to the girl’s mother where he says that his secret daughter “is beginning to look a lot like Linds, with a mix of [younger brother] Cody, believe it or not.” He also sent his daughter a photograph of himself while he was still in Collins Correctional Facility which he signed “Love Daddy.”

Out there right now is a little Lohan girl who has not been damaged by the combined efforts of Dina and Michael Lohan. It is hard to imagine such a mythical creature. Is she addicted to coke? No? Has she flashed her vagina? No? How many bj’s has she given? None? What? We’re talking about a female Lohan, correct? This is a miracle. Sort of like finding a white gorilla in a field of poo-flinging monkeys. We may have a discovered a normal Lohan! Let us capture and study her.

Source: theblemish.com

Lindsay Lohan was walking around the set of Labor Pains showing off her flat stomach the other day. Right now I’m walking around my room with my pants off holding a bagel. Your move Lohan.

Source: theblemish.com

Lindsay Lohan took a page out of Katherine Heigl’s “How to be a Bitch” playbook, albeit with a lot less bitch, and dropped her name from the pool of possible Emmy Award nominees. Lindsay made a brief appearance on Ugly Betty last season, but decided to wait until she returns next season for a longer stint to be considered for an Emmy.

Did Lindsay ever have a chance of being nominated? This is like me saying I’m pulling out of the race for the presidency. I just don’t think our country can handle a leader as sexy and charming as me. Meetings would consist of secretaries flirting with me and diplomats playing footsies with me. How can I possibly get any work done? It just isn’t feasible.

[Lindsay on the set of Labor Pains. Image via Splash News]

Source: theblemish.com

When you’ve fallen from grace like Lindsay Lohan, the best way to get back on top is to have some guy grab your boob and make-out with you. Take note, ladies.

[Lindsay Lohan on the set of Labor Pains. Image via Splash News]

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Ok, so this has been on YouTube for a month or so, I was just slow to get around to it.

It sucks. Just like I thought it would. Suck, suck, sucky!

Source: theblemish.com

The only way Lindsay Lohan could expose herself to the sun and not burst into flames is with SPF 100 sunscreen. She’s so pale even ghosts think they’re being haunted by a dead relative. All their ghost friends call them crazy, but they “swear to God, man, she’s there.”

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Lindsay has the exact same expression in every photo!

It’s a sort of, “What the f*ck are YOU lookin’ at!?” sort of look! But hey, nothing sells fashion like snobby twats!

Visa Swap is something pretty cool that the credit card company is putting together over in London. A sort of clothing-exchange.

Customers can donate clothing they no longer wear to the Covent Garden shop over a period of three weeks beginning June 21, and then have the value of their clothing — in points — put onto a Visa card. During the weekend of July 19, customers can then exchange the value of the points on their cards for others’ second-hand items.

Super cool idea! So why does Lindsay look so pissed off?

Source: theblemish.com

In the bathroom. Actually, The Sun says it was in a toilet. I’m going to assume they mean a stall and not a toilet toilet because in my experience having sex ankle deep in poo contaminated water is a turn off. Bobby Brown’s son Brandon says:

“Me and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together. I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in.”

Unsurprisingly things didn’t work out, although Brandon says: “I’m actually trying to get back in touch with her – really soon.”

You read that right. Bobby Brown has a son. If he’s anything like his dad, he’s probably exaggerating. When he says they got together, he means Lindsay’s hair grazed his arm and when he says Lindsay followed him into the bathroom, he means she walked in not knowing the bathroom was occupied, said sorry and left. I refuse to believe Lindsay knew who Brandon Brown was without a 10 minute lecture about who his dad is and what he did. “Bobby who? Whitney what? I’d like to leave now, please. You’re scaring me.”

Source: theblemish.com

Lindsay Lohan hopes to turn her life around with her new movie, Labor Pains, about a young woman (Lindsay) who pretends to be pregnant so she doesn’t get fired. Now Lindsay is one step closer to realizing her dream as she has found someone to insure, albeit with a lot of vouching from the film’s producer, Rick Schwartz. Rush & Molloy call the script hilarious and exclaim that this could bring Lindsay’s career back on track.

According to the screenplay we’ve obtained, Lohan plays a young woman who pretends to be pregnant so she doesn’t get fired. She thrives on the attention she’s getting despite “carrying a volleyball around on her stomach.” We don’t want to be spoilers, but the script is hilarious.

The movie will be made whether or not there’s an actors strike, since the union gave Schwartz a waiver, Variety reported.

Lindsay was never that great of an actress. She’s not some fallen star who has a chance at a great comeback. The one decent movie she was in was Mean Girls and that movie sucked. After that, it was all downhill. Herbie, I Know Who Killed Me, Georgia Rules. Lindsay’s body of work belongs more in sadomasochistic rituals than in AFI’s top 100.

Don’t even ask me what she’s doing with Dennis Hopper either. I have no clue.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Ok, so this isn’t the first story about Lindsay Lohan supposedly porking some guy’s brains out in a bathroom, but at least it wasn’t in rehab this time.

Bobby Brown’s son Landon is blabbing to the world that he stuck it to the freckled actress in a public bathroom.

He says,

“Me and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together . . . I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in.”

Hmmm . . .who actually believes this dude? For some reason I think he’s full of shit! I mean, I know Lindsay is a dirty little whore, but I’m not buying it.

Landon also made it known to the National Enquirer that he wouldn’t mind tapping that a second time. He says, “I’m actually trying to get back in touch with her – really soon.”

Good luck with that, dude.