Source: theblemish.com

Lindsay Lohan was bored the other day so she decided to hit up Twitter and post a topless photo of herself with only her hair covering her breasts. I love bored attention whores. Lindsay says it’s an old photo from the Forina ad she did. Don’t remember that commercial which made no sense and gave everyone a seizure? It’s for the best.

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Source: theblemish.com

According to Holy Moly, police are planning to question Lindsay Lohan regarding $49,000 worth of missing jewelery from a magazine shoot she did in London. Sources say Lindsay seemed a little too interested in them during the shoot.

“She kept going on about the jewels asking if she could have them. We all thought she was joking!”

After realizing their stuff was missing, the jewelers contacted the magazine who told them they had no idea what happened to them. They then contacted Lindsay’s reps two weeks ago, but have heard nothing since. Now they’re handing it off the police.

Lindsay probably stole it. There was a report earlier this month that Lindsay is so poor that she’s been pawning rings, watches and other jewelery at shops like the Beverly Loan Company aka the “pawnshop to the stars”. She probably stuffs it all in her vag so no one notices. Like, she’ll be walking out and there’ll be all this clanking coming from her uterus and security will ask her what that sound is and she’ll tell them it’s her belt and security will say, “But you aren’t wearing a belt,” and then the last thing they’ll hear is “clink clink clink” as Lindsay runs off.

Here’s Lindsay Lohan at the AXE Lounge. Don’t even ask me what she’s wearing because I have no idea. My best guess is she forgot she was going out and on the way there kicked a 9-year-old’s ass for that shirt.

Source: theblemish.com

Lindsay Lohan flew to London in a bid to stalk her ex, Samantha Ronson, and somehow convince her that she’s not a complete lunatic and that they’re relationship deserves another shot. Surprisingly, this didn’t end with Lindsay standing over Samantha’s body with a knife weeping, “What have I done?” It actually worked. Stalkers everywhere have been vindicated!

The Sun writes: “However she finally pegged Sam down for crisis talks at her South London hotel on Saturday night and it appears that her persistence has paid off, as the DJ invited Li-Lo over to her LA pad yesterday afternoon.”

Lindsay even Tweeted: “Leaving London but with my favorite favorite!!!-travel buddy & great news to share!! Maybe….”

Let this be a lesson to you kids. Persistence in the form of stalking your obsession halfway around the world pays off and may not lead to an extended sentence like the judge told you. Although, I don’t see how Lindsay had to work so hard for Samantha’s affection. Sam is fugly and Lindsay isn’t. Don’t the laws of attraction say that Sam should be the desperate one? Sam must have a ten inch penis.

Source: theblemish.com

Lindsay Lohan was at London’s Cuckoo nightclub last week and Dean Piper of the Mirror was sitting right next to her. He was not impressed. In fact, he was a little worried. He described Lindsay has having straggly hair all over her face and looking detached from reality. She repeatedly kept mumbling: “I feel so, like, caged. Totally caged.”

She spent the better part of the night texting Samantha Ronson who seemed to not return the same loving sentiments she was giving. Everyone started worrying about her as she kept repeating how she felt so, like, caged. Then at some point during the night, Lindsay then “squirmed around as if trying to hide in a ball on the floor.”

Whatever. She’s just being melodramatic. You don’t see actual kids in cages being sold on the black market saying how they feel so, like, caged. Possibly because it’s implied, but mostly because they’re not big whiners. Lindsay can learn a thing or two from these kids being forced into slavery. They don’t get paid thousands of dollars for an appearance, yet, they’re still extremely grateful when you give them a sandwich for dinner.

Source: theblemish.com

If she’s not stalking her ex across the world, she’s getting wasted at clubs. Here’s Lindsay exiting Cuckoo club in London looking like she’s one step away from passing out in a gutter. If you gave her a breathalyzer, the machine would start counting from .001 to infinite really quickly before exploding.

Source: theblemish.com

Not only has Lindsay Lohan ruined her own career, she might ruin designer Esteban Cortazar’s. Lohan, who is unemployed, is in Paris talking to the House of Emanuel Ungaro about working as a creative consultant for the line. Head designer Esteban is none too pleased with that considering Lohan’s foray into fashion has only included leggings outfitted with kneepads and a spray tan and has threatened to walk if Lohan is hired.

According to our source, “Ungaro thinks Lindsay is going to bring the company new energy and new buzz, but she is going to be the nail in the coffin. Nobody will take them seriously ever again.”

If it hasn’t happened already, then whispers of “sex tape, sex tape” must be permeating her brain by now.

Source: theblemish.com

According to The Daily Mail via NYDN, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson may be back on or at least friends again. Lohan was spotted leaving Ronson’s home Monday morning. Presumably after spending the night and having angry lesbian sex.

This wasn’t the first time the two have been spotted together. In early May, Lohan tried to sneak out of Ronson’s home at 6:30 AM.

It’s clear Lindsay isn’t over the break-up as seen by the crazy, psycho ex-girlfriend statement on Ellen which pretty much claimed they were meant to be together.

I’m not even sure what Ronson has to offer that makes Lindsay keep coming back. Money? Fame? Power? Understanding? An emotional bond? A 10 inch penis? Which is it?

Here’s Lindsay looking completely whacked out coming back from a bar where she supposedly found Sam.

Source: theblemish.com

You will pick that up now.

On Tuesday it was reported that police responded to a security alarm at Lindsay Lohan’s home to discover what seemed to be a ransacked house. They later discovered Lindsay lived like a pig. Today, however, it’s been confirmed that two people really did attempt to gain entry into Lohan’s house.

Two men, one wearing a baseball hat and bandanna around his face and another, a driver of a four-door gray station wagon, tried to break into her home just before 3 PM. Yes, these criminal masterminds tried to rob a celebrity in the middle of the day and failed to even pry open a back window or a door. They gave up and drove off soon after. Most likely into a pole after they tried to unstick their Creed CD from their stereo. Later, we’re going to find out the bandanna he was wearing wasn’t to hide his face, it was just that he was going to a rave right after.

Source: theblemish.com

Police responded to a security alarm at Lindsay Lohan’s house at 3 PM on Tuesday. There they found evidence of a break-in and burglary. Or so they thought. Upon further investigation, they discovered that there was no break-in, it was just that Lindsay lives like a pig.

Police determined no one entered the home and nothing was stolen, but the mess inside the starlet’s home prompted officers to ask, “Is it normally like this, or did the intruders do it?” said Los Angeles police Officer Karen Rayner.

Imagine all that junk on the floor. Crushed cans of Neuro, used condoms, a bunch of day after pills strewn about, slices of pizza and cigarette burns on the upholstery. Trying to get someone to step in that tornado of nastiness would be like trying to force a cat into a swimming pool.

Source: theblemish.com

One of the more ridiculous rumors today is that after she broke up with Samantha Ronson, Lindsay slept with about two dozen guys in the past two months resulting in an unplanned pregnancy. A “friend” of Lindsay swears she’s pregnant and is “going through big emotional turmoil. She’s not sure if she’ll have it or go through with an abortion that she booked to have in the next few days.” They also say Lindsay doesn’t know who the father is.

I call BS along with everyone else. The rumor is too perfect. There’s no guy to confirm it and if she doesn’t look pregnant in the next few weeks, it’s because she had an abortion so the source always ends up right. Plus, with Lindsay’s experience she knows about birth control and condoms. By now, she’s probably developed some crazy talent of retracting her own egg from incoming sperm. Not to mention there’s no way a baby could survive in that womb. I’d think a fetus would need a few more nutrients than can be gotten through Vodka, Neuro energy drinks and sperm.