Source: theblemish.com

Every year Spike TV holds its annual Scream Awards to celebrate hot chicks in horror movies. At least I think that’s what it’s all about. Look, I just know that through all these pictures, I’ve only seen two guys, Anthony Hopkins and that guy from American Pie. Sure, I could have dug a little deeper and maybe checked around a few sites to see what it was actually all about, but that would have taken time away from me making out with this 8×11 black and white printout of Kate Beckinsale. A lot more photos after the jump.

Kate Beckinsale

Kristen Bell

Alex Vega

Amanda Righetti

AnnaLynne McCord

Carla Gugino

Jamie King

Liv Tyler

Milla Jovovich

Paz Vega

Rosario Dawson

Winona Ryder

Malin Ackerman

Julie Benz

Source: theblemish.com

I’ve been told that if you stare hard enough, recite ten incantations and spin around in a circle three times, you can see Kirsten Bell’s nipples in these screenshots from the Blu-Ray version of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” I haven’t tried it yet so don’t blame me if instead of sexy nipples, you see a less sexy bloody murder victim in your monitor. On the flip side, if the dead person turns out to be a hot naked chick, then we’re back in business, baby. Pictures could be NSFW.

Source: theblemish.com

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard were making out at the beach over the weekend. Well, it’s not so much making out as it was Dax Shepard trying to see how far he could shove his tongue down her throat. He considers that foreplay.

I hope this relationship is part of an elaborate joke that I don’t get. Maybe it’s building up to something big. Like, they’ll take a romantic stroll down a pier, alone, and while they admire the vicious waves crashing into the jagged rocks below, Kristen will push Dax in, laugh and gleefully shriek, “You got Punk’d!” That makes more sense than this.

Source: theblemish.com

I bet Kristen Bell was thinking the same thing I was thinking. Motorboat!

Source: theblemish.com

While the ogre-like Dax Shepard was looking away, Kristen Bell seized the opportunity to flirt with me. Actions speak louder than words and if you translated Kristen’s bent-over-on-all-fours message, it would read in all caps, “Hey, I’m available. Call me, sexy. Kisses.”

Source: theblemish.com

This is Kristen Bell’s ass on the set of When In Rome. I don’t mean to brag, but my ass is much tighter. Better luck next time Kristen.

Source: theblemish.com

Kristen Bell attended the premiere of her new film Forgetting Sarah Marshall which was blasted a month ago, but is now getting decent reviews and is being declared by some as another Judd Apatow hit. And why wouldn’t it be? Kristen Bell is pretty. Pretty like a fairy princess riding a rainbow-maned unicorn galloping across an air stream of fairy dust while cupids dance around her head shooting arrows at the sky. Or is that just what I’m feeling right now? Well, whatever.

Source: theblemish.com

Kristen Bell performed in A Night at Sardis at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I don’t go to live theater because it’s boring and I’m not gay therefore I have no idea what’s going on here. I just figured Kristen Bell was in a low cut dress again so, eh why not? It’s this type of enthusiasm that has allowed me to become the successful businessman that I am. Brokering multi-million dollar deals and having imaginary tea parties with prospective clients. Do you want a refill Mr. Bun-bun?

Source: theblemish.com

Kristen Bell made an appearance at the Alzheimer’s Association’s “A Night At Sardi’s.” Here’s where I make a joke about her cleavage being unforgettable or how the people with with Alzheimer’s will always remember her boobs despite easily forgetting where they live and that you go poop in a toilet, not on the floor in the middle of a supermarket. You’d groan at the obvious joke, but chuckle at the same time because it’s sort of funny that old people are forgetful. Then I’d say, “Aww, thanks for giggling. You’re too kind,” and we’d hold each other’s hands whilst we spin around in a field of daisies.

Source: theblemish.com

Apart from the their red lipsticks making them look like common circus clowns and Kristen Bell’s donkey-like braying sending Hayden Panettiere into a state of confused shock, these pictures are pretty hot. Kristen Bell, Sophia Bush, Hayden Panettiere and Blake Lively together? Touching? On the arms AND shoulders? Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this could happen. It’s as if God wrangled all the sexy ladies from my head and said, “Today, I’m going to tease you with thinly veiled lesbianism and burritos.” Fantastic, I say, but I ask you God, where are my burritos?! More after the jump.