Source: theblemish.com

Shock! Kim Kardashian may not be the hot shot she makes herself out to be. Last week at Miami beach for the reopening of Fontainebleau, Kim, her sister Kourtney and Kristin Cavallari were milking the paps for attention when they were told “tits or GTFO” by security guards to make room for the Victoria’s Secret Angels photo call. The three realized going up against heaven on Earth was a losing battle and bounced to a nearby pool. Once they were out of camera sight, photogs began shooting the 30 Victoria’s Secret Angels that descended upon the beach. See? These stories do have happy endings.

Source: theblemish.com

What’s amazing is how Kim Kardashian has retained her popularity without ever doing anything remarkable since her leaked sex tape. Researchers could find a cure for cancer, but if Kim Kardashian were to walk around in a bikini on the same day, the next day’s paper would read, “Breaking: Kim Kardashian shows her lady lumps and nerds do something with cancer. Mutate it? Look, I don’t know. It’s Kim’s ass!”

Source: theblemish.com

In Kim Kardashian’s version of Wonder Woman, she doesn’t rope people with a golden lasso or deflect bullets with her magical bracelets, she sits on people’s faces. And instead of fighting crime, she fights erectile dysfunction.

Source: theblemish.com

Kim Kardashian was kicked off of “Dancing With the Stars” last week as a result of sucking hard. It turns out, however, Kim may get a second chance to show just how hard she can suck. If you’re one of the weirdos who are really into this, you’d already have read that Misty May-Treanor ruptured her Achilles tendon and will not be able to continue.

“I was actually really excited, because this was the first dance I was going to do in sneakers, so go figure,” May-Treanor, leaning on crutches, said ruefully. “I am out, but I’m not out of cheering on the competitors and keeping in touch with everybody.”

E! says Kim is back in. Although, Kim is being sly, only saying, “If they ask me to, I’m available. I’m back home tomorrow. We’ll see!”

Bringing Kim back is pointless. She’s like a bear who just balances on a ball in a funny party hat. A one trick pony. The only thing she does well is shake her ass and that basically happens whenever she takes a step. You could get more variety out of Charles Manson.

By the way, I have no idea what that last line means.

Source: theblemish.com

In hopes of proving people wrong and generating more pageviews, Kim Kardashian posted a bikini shot of her stacked at age 14 to defend against the claims that she’s had plastic surgery.

This is a picture of me when I was about 14 years old in a bikini. I hope after seeing this you guys will never ask me a plastic surgery question again! I have had a size C since I was 11 years old! So one day I will definitely get a lift, but I am waiting until after I have kids. Until then I rely on a great supportive bra! LOL!

All the butt implant rumors are just so not true and now just silly to me. I have answered dozens of times “no I do not have butt implants,” but people just don’t seem to want to believe it!

That’s pretty impressive, but I have a strange feeling Chris Hansen is frothing at the mouth right now, waiting for his chance to come to my house and ask me a few questions. Still, no way is this Kim at 14. Her head looks 14, but her body looks 24. I may have to examine this further to see if this all checks out. In the name of science. Also, laff at the first comment.

beautiful picture. but I’ve been wondering since people have been talking about it so much.. why you only dates blacks boys.

Kim is already digging through her photo album trying to find a picture of her with a non-black guy at age 16. In a bikini of course.

Source: theblemish.com

Having served her purpose, Kim Kardashian will no longer be appearing on Dancing With The Stars. She and her partner Mark Ballas were voted off. On the 5th anniversary of her dad’s death no less.

“The real Kim is very shy and reserved and not outspoken and loud like everybody assumes she is,” she told Usmagazine.com. “This was the perfect opportunity to show the real Kim.”

Whatever. She can’t dance anyway. Watching her perform is as awkward as watching Rosie O’Donnell use a fork instead of a mini-shovel. Kim should stick to stuff she knows like reality tv, shopping and being peed on by black guys.

Source: theblemish.com

I now understand why producers of Dancing With the Stars asked Kim Kardashian to be on the show. This. Make no mistake, Kim will be kicked off sooner or later, but they at least found a way to jiggle her ass on national tv before she left.

And when Kim says she finally knows how to shake it? She’s lying. She doesn’t. If she shook it like she was supposed to, she’d topple to the ground because of the incredible weight transfer taking place behind her. Proof below.

Source: theblemish.com

This is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. An update on Kim Kardashian’s life. Oh, the excitement is palpable. Are you ready?

In addition to competing on Dancing With the Stars, Kim Kardashian will also be a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice along with Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. This brings the total to two. Two reasons not to watch Celebrity Apprentice.

Also, similar to other D-list fame whores, Kim would also like to put out an album.

“I would be down, if it was something fun. I love music, so it would just have to be the right thing. I’d say a little bit Michael Jackson in there. I would love to work with, like, Timbaland as a producer and maybe Justin Timberlake.”

I’d rather listen to the death rattles in a hospital trauma center than hear another “leaked” track from these retards. Every time Paris Hilton’s or Heidi Montag’s music comes on, I look at my window and contemplate jumping out of it. Ultimately, I don’t and I go downstairs to make a sandwich instead. Sandwiches are yummy.

Source: theblemish.com

Earlier it was reported Kim Kardashian sliced her toe on a piece of glass and a source said it resembled a murder scene. Well, pictures have come out and it’s odd that there would be that much blood because, as you can see, she did what any normal, sensible person would do: Apply direct pressure to stop the bleeding Get a camera and take pictures. Good thinking Kim. Now Doctors no longer have to wonder what type of marble floor your bathroom has.

Source: theblemish.com

Kim Kardashian was hospitalized at New York Presbyterian Sunday night after she cut her foot open on a glass coffee table in her hotel room. A hyperbolic source tells TMZ that there was “so much blood, it looked like a murder scene.” Sure it did. I’ll let Robert Kardashian be the judge of that.

While no official announcement has been made, it was assumed Kim would be on next season’s Dancing With the Stars. Many believe the accident could jeopardize her appearance. Others — me — believe they should still let her on because they really want to see if when she falls and lands on her ass, will it be so bouncy that it will shoot her right back up? Sort of like a Gummi Bear?