Source: theblemish.com

Katie Holmes filmed a guest appearance for So You Think You Can Dance yesterday in what “seems like a huge Broadway production.” To anyone who is tricked into believing this was all spontaneous, Us writes:

Holmes — who was also spotted rehearsing at CBS Studios yesterday — “has been working on this for a long time,” the source says. “She is working with the choreographer Tyce Diorio. They want it to seem like she waltzed in and put it together very quickly, but that’s really not the case. This has been a longtime in the making.”

Other sources say she’s “killing it.” Since I’m not hip to all this urban speak, I’ll assume that means she’s doing good.

Execs are trying to save the performance for the show’s 100th episode on July 8th, but as news has started to leak, they may air the performance as early as this week.

It would be funny if after all this hype, it ends up being a one minute clip of Katie Holmes twirling around like a little girl pretending to be a ballerina. And then she falls on her ass. And then runs away crying.

Source: theblemish.com

Katie Holmes has already signed on to Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, which is reportedly really making Tom Cruise sad because he wanted to have sex and have another baby. That’s what straight men do, right?

“But Katie was such a hit that she right away landed a film role in The Extra Man, and that led to another movie project,” said the source.

“Katie feels she had to strike while the iron is hot career-wise. Since she’s only 30, she feels there’s plenty of time for more kids,” said the source, especially since she turned down reprising her role in bat-sequel The Dark Knight.

Another hurdle they have to overcome besides the time thing is the lack of foreplay. Tom caresses her naked body like you would a snotty napkin someone left on your table.

Source: theblemish.com

Katie Holmes looked stunning at the premiere of Valkryie earlier this month in Japan. Especially her long, luxurious hair which was the toast of the town. But her new look was more than just $2,983 worth of extensions. To turn her from an androgynous Tom Cruise love doll, Katie went through $10,123 worth of spa treatments and had $28,921 of tooth veneers. When all was said and done, her total cost of improvements which took 48 hours to achieve amounted to $43,000.

A small price to pay to look dazzling. Prior to this, she was just depressing to look at. Her soulless eyes staring off into the distance reminiscing about what her life was like before she was brainwashed. Now she kind of looks like she wants to be there. Almost. Good job, guys.

Source: theblemish.com

Lohan shot a Madonna-themed photo shoot which she assumed would be on the cover much like her naked Marilyn Monroe-themed shoot was the cover of NY Mag. Now she’s pissed at Katie Holmes because Glamour chose her to be on the cover.

The photos of Lindsay are actually part of a spread that pays homage to American icons which other celebrities also posed for.

“Her Marilyn Monroe shoot for New York Magazine seemed to make her relevant when she did it, she thought the same would happen this time. Only she wasn’t on the cover, Katie was, and she’s mad at her now.”

Another insider says that the cover was never part of the plan. “If that was Lindsay’s impression, it was a mistake. She was always going to be inside the magazine.”

Lindsay better step up her game. As far as horny teenagers are concerned, this is very underwhelming. The only time she’s relevant these days is when she’s naked and she’s already done that. What Lindsay needs now is an even more shocking shoot. Maybe one of her spread eagle stuffing doves in her vagina. I don’t know. I’m just throwing ideas out here. What do I look like? Some fancy photographer?

Source: theblemish.com

Victoria Beckham’s new lingerie ads for Armani came out today. The adverts show her sprawled out on the floor in polka dot bra and panties. The other shows her sitting on the edge of the bed. The perverts at The Daily Mail says you can almost see a six pack. Although, they do suggest she may have been airbrushed. She looks good though. Especially when she isn’t talking.

Meanwhile, Katie Holme’s ad for Mui Mui was leaked on the same day as her friend Victoria’s. For whatev creepyer reason, Katie looks exactly like Posh Spice. God, I hope Tom Cruise doesn’t do a Mui Mui ad ala David Beckham. The last thing I need is Tom Cruise splayed out on the floor in nothing but tighty whities looking at me seductively. Not again, man!

Source: theblemish.com

Egads, way to ruin another fantasy of mine, Reality. Katie Holmes had a herpes outbreak the other day in NYC and Suri seemed to be at a loss for words. In this photo it looks like she’s mouthing, “Awk-ward.”

Source: theblemish.com

In the NY Times piece on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Cruise said that he “knew I wanted to marry Kate when I met her.” Katie Holmes sort of shared the same sentiment admitting before that it was her dream as a little girl to become Tom Cruise’s brainwashed indentured servant, er, wife (?). In fact, Cruise was so convinced they were destined to be together that he bought an engagement ring after their first date. Creepy.

“At one point, I thought she was going to ask me to marry her first and I put her off by changing the subject,” Cruise adds. “I wanted to ask her.”

Tom Cruise must have been pretty charming to pull that off or he must have spent a lot of money to hold Katie’s family hostage. I bet their first date went something like this:

Tom hands phone to Katie over the dinner table

Katie: (Smiling) Hello? Who is this?

Cat meows over the phone

Katie: Kitty?! (Jubilation turns into fear)
Tom: Yes. Kitty. Now, you will be wise to answer “yes” to what I have to say next.

Tom gets on one knee and proposes

Source: theblemish.com

I don’t know what magic aging filters The Daily Mail has in their arsenal or why they chose to use them on her, but it’s your move Katie. Make it count.

Source: theblemish.com

Katie Holme’s reasons for her busted grill:

1. I ran into a door
2. It was my fault, I shouldn’t have overcooked the chicken
3. He only gets like this when he’s drinking
4. I should have explained to Tom that that wasn’t where his fist was supposed to go

Feel free to suggest other possible reasons. For comparison, here’s Katie earlier this year.

Source: theblemish.com

Sigh, Tom. No matter how many suits you dress Katie in or how short you cut her hair it still doesn’t change the fact she doesn’t have a penis. Can you let her grow her hair long again and wear clothing appropriate for women of her stature? Maybe something low-cut? Because this K.D. Lang looks is starting to freak me out.