Source: theblemish.com

Lily Allen wasn’t the only one to attend Glamour’s Woman of the Year Awards. Although, she was the only one to get completely trashed and carried out. Kate Beckinsale also showed up. She might have won something or other, but that really doesn’t concern me. What does concern me is Kate was trying to find me for 10 minutes on the red carpet to no avail. Little did she know I was already at her home disabling her alarm and lying in her bed naked, waiting for her. Just call me Romeo or restraining order #940280. Whichever works.

Source: theblemish.com

The first time I saw Kate, I didn’t take much notice of her. Oh look, another beautiful Hollywood actress. La-dee-da. Then, I saw more pictures of her. I also hear her say things like eating vajajay. I’m hooked and think “Self, you got to hit that”. But how? That’s when I called up my friend who works in the “biz”. We brainstormed and came up with a halfway decent plan. He paid off a couple of paparazzi to let us know when they see her. Not totally original, but it was a plan.

Lo and behold, she stops by in Malibu. We get the call and I rush over there. Just as we get there, she’s in line to buy ice cream. Or candy. I couldn’t tell because her beauty was quite blinding.

“Dude, grab the camera. I’ve got a foolproof way to meet her.”

Friend grabs the camera, I line up behind her. And what you see are pics from the greatest moment of Kate’s life.

“Kate! I’m your biggest fan!” I yell, then pull out my wiener. *click click* The first two pics (here and here) capture her shy, schoolgirl smile at my boldness.

“Seriously, Kate, I’m your biggest fan”. I then pull out the rest of it. *click click* The next two pics (here and here) show quite different emotions from Kate. Shock? Terror? Panic??

I heard her murmur “Oh my”. The rest is fuzzy because LAPD then tasered me. Which is how I ended up here.

Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

Nobody gives a damn about Kate Beckinsale. We never see pictures of her, we never hear about her, and I bet you didn’t even know she had a daughter.

Then she goes and makes some off-hand remark about how she might eat vagina were the alternative option sushi, and suddenly the photo agencies can’t take enough pictures of her.

Here’s Kate with her husband, director Len Wiseman, and daughter Lily at what appears to be Cross Creek Village in Malibu.

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

Kate Beckinsale was being interviewed by Moviefone for her new film, Snow Angels, and they mentioned that she’d recently told a reporter that she’d rather eat vagina than sushi. They asked her to elaborate on that point. Here’s what Kate had to say:

I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything. At least a vagina would be warm. [laughs] My publicist has literally turned a funny color and is going to go have a lie-down. He’s throwing up now, as well. I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what’s on my mind, and then get nine texts from all my friends going, “What’s the matter with you?” But I haven’t ever made a big attempt to have any particular image. And I don’t really worry about it.

At least a vagina would be warm??? Ew. Have you ever been eating a piece of sushi and thinking to yourself, “You know, this would be better if they’d microwave it first”? No. No one wants warm sushi. On the other hand, dudes always want to play with ice cubes on vaginas. I think Kate has it all backwards.

Source: theblemish.com

Moviefone interviewed Kate Beckinsale and it was all pretty boring until they asked her about eating vagina.

You told an interviewer you’d rather eat a vagina than sushi. When stuff you say makes headlines, what’s the reaction of your publicity team?
I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything. At least a vagina would be warm. [laughs] My publicist has literally turned a funny color and is going to go have a lie-down. He’s throwing up now, as well. I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what’s on my mind, and then get nine texts from all my friends going, “What’s the matter with you?” But I haven’t ever made a big attempt to have any particular image. And I don’t really worry about it.

I think I’m in love. So much so that I wrote a poem for Kate.

“Roses are red,
violets are blue,
won’t you be mine,
because I like vaginas too.
Especially yours.
It’s my number one reoccurring fantasy.
I want to have sex with you.
Like, right now.”

I know the last part didn’t rhyme, but whatever.

Thanks goes to Andie with the rock hard abs.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

“I got into trouble with Len when I said that Adam was my second favorite person after Len. He said, ‘You didn’t have to say that.’”

- Kate Beckinsale upset husband Len Wiseman when she confessed her fondness for Adam Sandler in an interview.

Source

Source: theblemish.com

Kate Beckinsale has a spread in the new issue of Mean magazine. Oddly enough, I’m aroused. She talks about wanting to drop children out of windows, likening raw fish to vagina and orgasms? Wait, what?

On her lack of sleep as a new mother:
“I remember turning up on the set of Pearl Harbor and all the boys had been to boot camp and I had a 14-month-old baby, and had been told that I had to be in the gym four hours a day. On top of the not sleeping and all this physical activity, the boys kept saying, ‘Wow, it was so tough, you have no idea.’ I remember thinking to myself, ‘You went for five days, I haven’t slept in 14 months. You want to go toe to toe?’ ”

On the responsibilities of being a mother:
“Babies show up as themselves. I really do believe you can f*** a person up terribly by being a bad parent, but they arrive kind of 80 percent baked, and that 20 percent is crucial, but they do show up with personality.”

On the appeal of raw food:
“I can’t do raw. I can’t do sushi, even. Anything that has that vaginal quality to it. I’d rather an actual vagina than that, honestly.”

On the inspiration for high heels:
“Apparently, during orgasm, a woman’s feet move like this [makes tiptoe gesture], and that’s the reason they invented high heels. So next time you’re having an orgasm, pay attention to your feet and you’ll see.”

Interviews are usually dumb, but this is awesome. Can you imagine Kate talking dirty? I bet it sounds both erotic and delectable.

Kate Beckinsale: The perfect woman? Yes, Kate Beckinsale: The perfect woman.

Source: theblemish.com

Kate Beckinsale was talking about how she was called a slut when she moved from former boyfriend Michael Sheen, who she has a nine-year-old daughter with, to Len Wiseman. She then goes on to talk about her vagina which she refers to as a Pharoah’s Tomb and says how spectacular it is.

“I was called a sl*t when I split up with Michael and began seeing Len, but I’ve only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh’s Tomb!”

She said: “My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?”

I have nothing to say to this because I’m currently busy running around my room with my pants around my ankles trying to find a box of Kleenex.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

“My best feature is unfortunately a private matter. I’m told it’s spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet, what can I say?”

- Kate Beckinsale on her best asset.

Source

Source: theblemish.com

Between these pictures of Kate Beckinsale and the ones of Natalie and Scarlett below it and Lindsay Lohan below that, I think this President’s Day turned out pretty well. The only low point was Paris Hilton trying to be sexy. At least I got a good laugh out of that one.