Source: theblemish.com

OMG, OMG, OMG! Blurry photos of Kate Beckinsale snorkeling in a black and white bikini? Can this day get any better? If I can find enough loose change underneath my couch cushions to buy lunch from the dollar menu, then yes it can.

It’s like she’s staring right at me in the header pic. Ahh, I’ve been found out.

Source: theblemish.com

Yesterday, a few pictures of Kate Beckinsale in an orange bikini showed up. I’ll admit it was pretty cool, but today, more photos from that set have come out and they’re awesome. Because Kate Beckinsale is hot. This is even better than when we discovered penicillin. Suck on this Sir Alexander Fleming.

Source: theblemish.com

There were a few other Kate Beckinsale bikini pictures today, but they were dotty, not unlike a magic eye poster. I’ll spare you from going cross-eyed staring at them only to find out you weren’t staring at Kate in a bikini, but at a dolphin jumping through a ring of fire (so cool!). Instead, here are a few old ones from earlier this month. Appreciate them… or else.

Source: theblemish.com

Remember a couple days ago TMZ posted a video of Kate Beckinsale’s kid accidentally stepping on her dress, forcing it down and popping her boob out, but the cameraman stepped behind a pole completely blocking the view? Well, it seems no one got pictures of it either. You are all made of fail TMZ and photogs. At least that banner pic makes up for it in a weird, awkward sort of way.

Source: theblemish.com

TMZ has footage of Kate Beckinsale, her husband, their kid and their kid’s friend walking down Beverly Hills the other day when all of a sudden Kate inexplicably pulls down her top almost flashing everyone and then grabs her husband’s junk. Right next to her kid and her kid’s friend. And not one of those grab and let go type maneuvers, but a full on grab and rub. This may be the evidence I need to prove that Kate Beckinsale may be the world’s most perfect woman and that Len Wiseman might be gay because he looks really confused.

Source: theblemish.com

You’d think Kate Beckinsale would be the last to suffer from body image issues. She’s a 10 and I’d pretty much kidnap her and chain her to my basement if it wasn’t already occupado right now. But, The Daily Mail says Kate asked for an ass double for her new film where she was supposed to get sort of naked in the shower.

But a source on her new film Whiteout said: “Kate has a terrible self-image. She thinks she is fat and she is always complaining how certain outfits make her bottom look big. Of course, the reality is that she has the most amazing body.

“The script called for her character to be filmed nude in a shower, focusing in on her bottom and thighs. Kate insisted on a double being hired. She was quite open on the set about not liking her body and said she particularly loathed her bottom and was not comfortable baring it.”

A last-minute call for a double went out on a Hollywood casting website last week for scenes that begin shooting tomorrow.

Silver Pictures advertised for a 5ft 8in brunette, weighing just under 9st. It added: “It’s a shower scene so there is no intimacy.”

“Kate just didn’t want to show her bottom, even though everyone on the set was saying how good it looks in jeans. She said she couldn’t face the thought of seeing her butt up on a big screen. She will have the final veto over who stands in for her.”

Kate Beckinsale is hot, but don’t tell her that because she’ll just think you’re bullshitting her. Apparently, not even poking her in the eye with your raging erection would convince her.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

“I’m the worst wife in the cooking department. I always thought you can’t be good at food and sex, but you can always order the food in.”

- Kate Beckinsale says she is too good at sex to know how to cook.

Source: theblemish.com

Kate Beckinsale told Glamour Magazine that being a good cook and being good at sex are mutually exclusive. Kate, of course, is good at sex.

“I’m the worst wife in the cooking department. I always thought you can’t be good at food and sex, but you can always order the food in. I’d rather he didn’t order in the sex.”

A wise man once said, “I want to bang Kate Beckinsale so bad.” I think it was Confucius. Why can’t thinkers of our generation be as profound as those from yesteryear?

With that, here are some outtakes of Kate from her Mean Magazine shoot. Tons more after the jump.

Source: theblemish.com

Lily Allen wasn’t the only one to attend Glamour’s Woman of the Year Awards. Although, she was the only one to get completely trashed and carried out. Kate Beckinsale also showed up. She might have won something or other, but that really doesn’t concern me. What does concern me is Kate was trying to find me for 10 minutes on the red carpet to no avail. Little did she know I was already at her home disabling her alarm and lying in her bed naked, waiting for her. Just call me Romeo or restraining order #940280. Whichever works.

Source: theblemish.com

The first time I saw Kate, I didn’t take much notice of her. Oh look, another beautiful Hollywood actress. La-dee-da. Then, I saw more pictures of her. I also hear her say things like eating vajajay. I’m hooked and think “Self, you got to hit that”. But how? That’s when I called up my friend who works in the “biz”. We brainstormed and came up with a halfway decent plan. He paid off a couple of paparazzi to let us know when they see her. Not totally original, but it was a plan.

Lo and behold, she stops by in Malibu. We get the call and I rush over there. Just as we get there, she’s in line to buy ice cream. Or candy. I couldn’t tell because her beauty was quite blinding.

“Dude, grab the camera. I’ve got a foolproof way to meet her.”

Friend grabs the camera, I line up behind her. And what you see are pics from the greatest moment of Kate’s life.

“Kate! I’m your biggest fan!” I yell, then pull out my wiener. *click click* The first two pics (here and here) capture her shy, schoolgirl smile at my boldness.

“Seriously, Kate, I’m your biggest fan”. I then pull out the rest of it. *click click* The next two pics (here and here) show quite different emotions from Kate. Shock? Terror? Panic??

I heard her murmur “Oh my”. The rest is fuzzy because LAPD then tasered me. Which is how I ended up here.

Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy