Source: theblemish.com

Star Magazine claims Jennifer Aniston is readying herself for twins with John Mayer. Nearing 40, Star says her biological clock is ticking away and as a result, she’s frozen her eggs and is undergoing fertility treatments. Jennifer’s even trying alternative methods like yoga, eating cassava root and upping her milk and beef intake to increase her chances of having twins.

“She knows her baby-making years are limited,” says a source. “It’s hard for her to think of anything else — she has babies on the brain!”

Is Star even trying anymore? I can make up salacious rumors too. Megan Fox is thinking about blowing me. She’s even doing mouth exercises with Popsicles and bananas. Sources say it’s true. See, Star? I can do it too.

Still, I wouldn’t put this past Jennifer. She seems desperate enough. I bet she cries everytime she ovulates and hysterically tries to shove the egg back in her with a tampon.

Source: theblemish.com

First there were rumors of an unfortunate (for us) pregnancy. Now there are rumors that Jennifer Aniston might marry John Mayer and that it was Jen who made the first move. Because she’s desperate you see. According to Star:

After a barrage of romantic e-mails from him, “she said that she’d only take him back if they got married, and he agreed,” says a source. “They both know this is it. She wants to settle down, and finally, so does he. They’ve even talked about having a family, and John said that he couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone but her.”

A marriage by way of ultimatum. I like it. Maybe later Jennifer can withhold sex until John beats up Angelina and Brad for her because in Jen’s world, people will do your bidding or else…. *shakes fist*

Source: theblemish.com

NW Magazine is running a story that an unplanned pregnancy is behind the reunion of Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer.

But while friends are scratching their heads about what made Jen take the playboy musician back, the smile the actress has been wearing says it all — she’s pregnant and loving it!

Wait. Are they speculating she’s pregnant based off of her smile? I know Jenn’s life is depressing and she has very little to be pleased about, but come on. That’s like me saying that cute girl at Starbucks wants to sleep with me because she always tells me to have a nice day. Even though she does. You can’t base a wild rumor off of a happy disposition. You base it off of anonymous sources or in my case, the fact that you’re given correct change every time you buy a latte.

Source: theblemish.com

NE claims that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back together after splitting up in August. The two were reunited in Manhattan where they hooked up. They were recently spotted flying in to LA together on Monday.

“They were very lovey-dovey,” said an insider. “They kissed several times and hugged each other tightly.

“John gave her a long, lingering kiss.”

I thought it said “fingering kiss” the first time I read it. Weird. Anyway, this story is boring. Why can’t Aniston and Mayer ever do anything interesting like drown themselves in the ocean? That would be newsworthy. In fact, they should do it right now. *taps foot* I’m waiting…

Source: theblemish.com

The Daily Mail reports Jennifer Aniston is back in contact with John Mayer. The two broke up last month, a few weeks after Jennifer Aniston got lip surgery “to appear more attractive to Mayer.”

‘Jennifer reached out to John first. She had a few glasses of wine - then decided to throw caution to the wind and make the first move.

‘John was pleasantly surprised to hear from her. He says they’ve been in contact pretty much every day since and he’s really looking forward to seeing her again soon.’

Every single rumor out there about Jennifer Aniston makes her seem pretty pathetic. If she’s not whining and bitching about a guy, she’s groveling at the feet of another guy. Is this a move by her PR firm to build sympathy for the girl no one cares about? Or is it more that she really is so pathetic that if you so much as even glance at her, she’ll fall madly in love with you. When you leave for work, does she just sit in front of the door all day waiting for you to come home? Judging by all these testimonials, yes, probably, maybe. Look, I don’t know. Who cares about her boring ass anyway?

Source: theblemish.com

John Mayer may have ripped out Jennifer Aniston’s heart and stomped on it like an angry preschooler, but the joke’s on him because now that he’s no longer with Aniston, paparazzi want nothing to do with him. MSNBC writes:

“He thinks he’s famous as Jen now. Last week he went to a party, tipped off the paps, and even had decoy cars at the ready when he was leaving,” says one paparazzo. “Nice, but no one bothered to follow them, which made John think he ‘lost’ everyone, when really no one bothered to follow him.”

Paparazzi say that pictures of John and Jen used to sell for $20,000. Now, pictures of John alone are only worth $200. Bwahahaha. It must be heartbreaking for him to see paparazzi swarm the kids of High School Musical instead of him. Unless he’s so naive he doesn’t know what’s going on. “I’m so diabolical,” he probably thought to himself. I bet he even rubs his hands together and gives himself a satisfactory nod every time he escapes in his decoy car.

Source: theblemish.com

John Mayer gave an impromptu press conference in New York City on Saturday about his breakup with Jennifer Aniston. It wasn’t very interesting.

“If you guys are going to run stuff and run every lie under the sun, have somebody stand up for somebody,” the singer challenged. “Have me as a man who ended a relationship stand here and write some truth. Have me stand up for somebody and write that Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I’ve ever met.

Mayer snapped at a reporter who asked if he’s dating anyone else.

“Why are you asking me that question? I’m being as honest as I can possibly can be,” he responded. “I ended a relationship because there is no lying. I ended a relationship to be alone because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right. I don’t waste people’s time.

“I don’t do ‘the taper,’” he continued. “I guarantee you [that] 20 percent of the people on this street right now who are in a relationship wish they could get out but they don’t know how. And I’m going to be honest on the way in to my relationships and I’m going to be honest on the way out of my relationships.”

Friends of Aniston say John is an attention whore and was leeching off Aniston, enjoying the movie star treatment the whole time he was with her. This is apparently why Aniston dumped him.

“He has a relationship with certain paparazzi (and) bloggers,” the source said. “He tips them off. He loves the attention. Jen didn’t want to believe it was happening, but it was, and she has no tolerance for that.”

Jennifer won’t be making a statement and if she did, nobody would care. Jennifer could be on fire and people would just shield their eyes and yell at her for being too bright.

Source: theblemish.com

According to Bill Zwecker of the Sun-Times, John Mayer didn’t dump Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer. Bill’s “best Hollywood sources” swears to this. Um, okay.

It was “Jen who decided to move on,” says the friend. “She is very fond of John and has thought he might be the one. She finds him funny, sexy and very talented. … Plus he understands all the aspects of living in a fishbowl. But in the final analysis, she just got tired of his roving eye.”

Apparently, Aniston gave Mayer a “three strikes and you’re out” ultimatum — after learning about his “quickie” flings with a cocktail waitress and a promoter’s assistant for his concert tour.

As I understand it, Jennifer dumped John because John was sleeping with other women. Doesn’t that mean John dumped Jennifer? Maybe they were never together and Jennifer, still suffering post traumatic stress from her break-up with Brad, created this fictional world where she turned her friend with benefits into a monogamous, meaningful relationship or, alternatively, no one wants stay with her dumb, boring ass.

Source: theblemish.com

When John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston first started dating, sources said John thought of it more as a summer fling. Yet, news today that John dumped Jennifer is somehow still found shocking. The Mirror writes,

“There’s been a bit of tension for some time,” says a source close to 30-year-old John. “They initially opted for a break, hoping a trial split might make them stronger. Sadly it doesn’t seem to have worked.

“John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn’t ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved.

“Contrary to reports, Jen didn’t want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together.

“She also wanted him to assure her he would cut down his tours in the future when they did eventually have children.

“Initially, Jennifer was furious when he told her of his decision but now she’s simply sad - not to mention a little heartbroken.

It’s best to end a relationship when your girlfriend stops talking about fellating you on a mini-golf course and starts talking about un-sexy things like timetables. Unless “timetables” is code for two chicks at once, it’s time to leave before conversations become even more asinine. No, you don’t look fat in that. Yes, I slept with your sister. Yes, I ran over your dog. Blah, blah, blah. So, what? Let’s talk about something interesting, like anal.

Source: theblemish.com

After Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie, Aniston developed an irrational fear that every man she dates will leave her for another woman. Which is why Jennifer Aniston had Kimberly Stewart kicked out of a John Mayer concert. Kim and John know each other from clubbing in LA and apparently, Aniston felt threatened by that creepy monster.

“Kim was pulled off the stage and escorted through the Hard Rock VIP tent with a face like thunder, shouting: ‘Why doesn’t he want me here? Is this because of her?’ “She totally embarrassed herself, but Jen looked relieved.”

Other things that might threaten Aniston: Jessica Simpson, John Mayer’s niece, a puppy, a toaster and that 12-year-old John Mayer fan Jennifer punched out in a fit of jealous rage.