Source: theblemish.com

Jessica Simpson wants to tell you guys something. “Glub, glub. Glub. Glub glub. Glub glub glub.” Well said, Jessica.

Source: theblemish.com

Ashlee Simpson celebrated her 24th birthday last Friday with a white-trash themed party at her home in Encino. Ashlee wore “Daisy Dukes and platform flip-flops with a bathing suit and a fake tattoo around her belly.” Which is pretty much Jamie Lynn Spears’ daily attire minus the tattoo. Ashlee’s dad, Joe, wore “a cut-off muscle T-shirt and a mullet wig.” Her sister Jessica, probably not realizing there was even a theme, showed off a lot of cleavage in a leopard print dress. The menu consisted of corn dogs, macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers and French fries. Security said they had to tase an overzealous Britney Spears before she ate everything.

Jeez. Why not just call this a Spears themed party. They can have party games like pin the condom on the penis and abort the baby. Then at the end they can lay waste to the rest of their lives by doing something stupid like having unprotected sex in a tractor or driving home drunk.

Inside Ashlee’s ‘White-Trash’ Birthday Bash [PEOPLE]

Source: theblemish.com

Jessica Simpson has become known as the living curse for the Dallas Cowboys. So, imagine how thrilled Cowboys fans will be to know that Tony Romo and Jessica have been shopping for diamond rings and are looking to do a winter wedding. Is that the sound of shivs sharpening? Still, there’s a bright side. The Sun-Times says the wedding won’t be until after the end of the NFL season, including the Super Bowl if they make it. That’s something, right? Guys? Where are you going with those torches?

Source: theblemish.com

You’ve seen Jessica Simpson’s underwhelming performance on Good Morning America, now see her ass. That one second upskirt made waiting outside in the sun for eight hours all worth it. At least, that’s what fans told themselves to keep from crying.

If you didn’t know, click through for larger.

Source: theblemish.com

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Jessica Simpson went on Good Morning America this morning to perform her single With You. How did it go? It was a beautiful disaster. About 30 seconds into it, Jessica stopped the performance saying, “Hold on, I know this is live TV, but I can’t hear anything. Do it again. 1, 2, 3.” Then a minute later, she messed up again.

Okay, she jacked up her set, but none of that matters because I didn’t pay to hear Jessica sing. I paid, well, tuned in to watch her jump up and down. Bouncy bouncy. *Giggles*

Source: theblemish.com

Rosie O’Donnell vs Donald Trump, Lily Allen vs The Media and Amy Winehouse vs Random strangers on the street. Now add Carrie Underwood vs Jessica Simpson to that list of famous feuds. In a war that has been brewing ever since Jessica hooked up with Tony Romo, Carrie has finally laid down some offense by calling Jessica fat.

“She finds Jessica’s love of putting her life on display pretty desperate,” a pal of the “Before He Cheats” singer tells OK!. “She laughed at the People cover, because it’s the same one Jess did about John Mayer — same smile, same look, except she’s a little fatter.” (Comparison of the covers here via Celebitchy)

Oh no she di’nt. *Snaps fingers* I’ve said it over and over again. The only logical way to settle disputes between two hot chicks is to put them in string bikinis and throw them into a pool of Jell-O. You could argue that I’m sexist, but you gotta admit, I have great ideas.

Source: theblemish.com

Jessica Simpson was walking around somewhere and she looked amazing. Take note, women. If you’re hot and have big tits like Jessica, you should dress like this and just walk up and down the street. My girlfriend does it all the time and she even makes conversation with random motorists. Sometimes they even give her money. People are so nice!

Source: theblemish.com

Who says Jessica Simpson can’t act. Here she is in concert showing a wide array of facial talent. I’ve compiled a list of expressions she made. See if you can match the number to the picture:

1. I had Taco Bell the night before face
2. BJ face
3. I’m in deep thought face
4. Bitter beer face
5. Your grandpa is an old fool face

Source: theblemish.com

Jessica Simpson was relaxing at a pool in Miami when she decided to seduce me with her ample bosom. It’s like she knew I would be staring at her. What a sexy temptress. Oh, alright. I accept your offer, Jessica. Meet me in room 203. Please don’t keep me waiting like those other four times I followed you to your hotel and got an adjacent room by you.

Source: theblemish.com

Jessica Simpson recently released her debut country single to a lukewarm response. Her live performance was no different. Opening up for Sara Evans Saturday night at the Country Thunder, Jessica’s performance drew both cheers and boos, but according to this article, mostly boos.

After the show, audience members were asked about her performance. They commented that her vocals “lacked a southern sound” and were irritated about Jessica’s crossover to country because they believe she’s only trying to capitalize on the recent popularity of the genre.

“Just because she’s dating Tony Romo it doesn’t make her country,” said Mike Rodriguez, 31, from Lake Geneva. “She doesn’t fit in with country, and I’ll have to drink a lot of beer to sit through her concert.”

Yea, I agree. Jessica Simpson sucks and has really big tits. She should use her vocal talents for porn. But, really Kenosha News, you call this reporting? There are more pressing questions that need to be answered. For example, was Jessica Simpson jumping up and down on a trampoline sans bra? The public has a right to know.