Jake Gyllenhaal has moved in with Reese Witherspoon’s $5 million L.A. home claims Star Magazine and with the relocation comes a few rules Reese has laid down for Jake.
First, the basics: no shoes in the house, empty the trash when three-quarters full, no feet on the coffee table.
Second, the domestic bliss rules: no swearing, if he swears, he must apologize, daily discussions at the dinner table, consult before making plans for dinner or yoga.
Third and final, the more personal rule: leave your balls at the door, you won’t be needing them in this house. Muahahaha.
Honestly, this house sucks. It’s like having your very essence raped over and over again by a strap-on. So, in other words, perfect for Jake.
Us says that Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have moved in together and that Jake is even helping raise the two kids she has with Ryan Phillippe. They also say they are working towards marriage and this is the first step.
“Marriage is definitely what they are working toward. They literally don’t want to spend any time away from each other.”
Did anyone tell Jake they finally legalized gay marriage in California. Jake might want to know before he commits to anything. In particular, anything with a vagina.
These shots of Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal tell me three things. One, Jake’s facial expression is forever frozen in an effervescent smile. Two, Reese Witherspoon is a little dopey. Three, Jake might be gay because no straight man puts a bandanna on their German Shepherd.
OK! magazine is reporting that Hollywood A-lister’s Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are getting married.
Apparently the couple have been talking about it for a little while and they’re saying it’s only a matter of time before Jake pops the question.
The publication quoted the manager of a restaurant where the couple had eaten recently. She went on and on about what a great couple they make, how darling they were, blah, blah, blah.. Then another source claims that Jake and Reese want to spend their lives together and should be formally engaged any day now.
So I guess my point is that they are NOT engaged at the time, nor do they have any official plans for a wedding, so don’t get too excited yet.
I don’t know that there’s a Hollywood relationship I care less about — actually, that’s not true, I care about Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen slightly less — but, for those of you who do care, Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gylllllenhaaaaal were out shopping together in NYC this weekend.
Reese Witherspoon is a marketing genius. She knows exactly how much to say in an interview without giving much away. Reese says “Yeah, my divorce was devastating, but I’m not going to talk about it” and you’ve got your headline, baby. “Reese says divorce was devastating’. Ta da. And the conversation goes back to whatever project the actress is currently promoting.
Reese is currently out promoting Penelope, her latest flick from her production company Type A, in which Christina Ricci plays a woman with a pig’s nose. I’m not giving away any more of the plot, because I am dying to see this (I love Reese) and don’t want to spoil it.
Reese spoke to E! News telling them she wants to shoot someone. That’s headline-worthy right there.
Here’s what she said about shoot-’em-up movies wherein the leading man gets to take down the bad guy. “Why does the guy get to shoot him? I want the girl to shoot him!” she said, laughing intermittently. “I love watching Angelina Jolie kick ass in Mr. & Mrs. Smith, and I can’t wait to see her in Wanted. I would love to shoot someone. In the knee cap or something, just to stop them!”
I would really like to see Elle Woods (Reese’s character from Legally Blonde) go crazy and shoot people. Elle, in a movie with Jason Bourne, where they go around shooting all her ex-boyfriends and members of her sorority. That is an instant movie classic.
Then, Reese told Good Morning America that she wants her kids to get bullied so they’ll have the experience:
“I’ve had movies that were stinkeroos! And then, you know, I think everybody has experience of a being awkward. I was always really short and really underdeveloped and had big coke-bottle glasses … I think, that’s where I got a personality from, though, man. I wouldn’t give any of it back — not for a day.”
Penelope has grown up not only dealing with the shame of her parents, but also with the ridicule of her classmates. Witherspoon sees this taunting as “formative” and says her own experience with failure has helped define who she is.
“I wouldn’t want my children to miss out on any of that teasing and bullying and don’t you think it kind of makes you who you are?” Witherspoon asked Connelly.
“This drives me crazy about today. Everyone wins the award and then, you know, everybody’s an MVP? No! They’re not! Okay? I distinctly recall the two weeks of crying because I didn’t make the softball team. It made me interesting, you know?”
Gee, why don’t you just put a couple of ‘kick me’ signs on their backs as you drop them off to school Reese? You don’t think they’re going to get picked on? All kids get picked on, and famous kids probably more so. Reese was actually talking about this in the context of her new movie, where the title character has a pig’s nose and I suspect would get some teasing. And when I say ’some teasing’ I mean ‘relentless teasing’.
Then, she talks about paparazzi and her fear of a butt shot.
The mother-of-two admits the prospect of her bikini-clad bottom gracing the pages of tabloid magazines and internet sites around the world terrifies her.
Witherspoon says, “I hate that the paparazzi takes my picture when I’m on vacation: `Oh my god, did they see my butt? I hope they did not see my butt.’”
Which I totally sympathize with, because even the most bootylicious are afraid to see a photograph of their asses on the cover of a weekly rag.
Now this is all very cute and entertaining of Reese, and makes for good press, but what was the pink elephant in the room she was avoiding talking about? One was the death of Heath Ledger and her (unconfirmed) boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal’s reaction to it. The other was her husband’s latest interview about the divorce and the other woman Abbie Cornish.
Way to go Reese. Penelope is in cinemas February 28th.
Note by Celebitchy: Here’s the trailer for Penelope, it looks so cute!
And here are some stills from the film, thanks to AllMoviePhoto. Also shown are Christina Ricci, James McAvoy and Peter Dinklage. The last three pictures were taken in May, 2006 during filming. Spoiler Alert: The final picture below shows Ricci with her full face for the film, so don’t look at that image if you would rather not spoil it before you see the film.
