Source: theblemish.com

Here are a few more shots of Eva Longoria vacationing in St. Tropez in a bikini. While a lot of them are unclear, the blurriness does enhance the stalker effect of the photos. Um, I mean, if you’re into that kind of stuff.

Source: theblemish.com

It’s that time of year again. Eva Longoria and Tony Parker have hit the St. Tropez waters. Here are some shots of Eva and Tony jumping overboard into the ocean. Presumably to distance themselves from the dead body they woke up next to that morning.

Source: theblemish.com

Eva Longoria is all about sisterhood. Ra ra sis boom ba and all that. The Desperate Housewives star told Glamour that if she caught any of her friends’ boyfriends cheating, she would report them immediately. In addition, she would also try to provide photographic evidence.

“I would probably take a picture with my camera phone first,” she says. “It’s tough, because sometimes people kill the messenger. But I think the truth always comes out, regardless of who tells us.”

Uh oh, this could spell trouble for, um, who is she friends with again? Does she have any? Well, whoever she’s friends with, their boyfriends better watch out. Eva has one of those fancy 3 megapixel camera phones and once she figures out how to use the stupid thing, she won’t be afraid to use it. Now, the camera program has to be open before a picture can be taken? Wait, okay, got it. Can you put your tongue down her throat again?

Source: theblemish.com

Eva Longoria and her double-chin went out on the town last night with no makeup. Thankfully, she looks much better than the last time she was seen without any. The Daily Mail says Eva was dressed for comfort. Which is ironic since this makes my libido very uncomfortable.

Source: theblemish.com

Eva Longoria addressed those pregnancy rumors on Tuesday in an interview with Le Grand Journal. Eva told the magazine, “I’m just fat.” As Eva sat there braying like a donkey, her husband, Tony Parker, “chuckled nervously.”

To make Gabrielle look like she has two kids, Longoria has said she ate “everything in sight! Pasta … pizza.

“Tony and I went crazy this summer!” the actress, who also stopped working out, told Entertainment Tonight.

Her other secret for looking heavier? “I have butt pads, I have thigh pads, I have stomach pads!”

When you’re wife/girlfriend starts talking about their weight, you may want to run away. Anything you do will be viewed as criticism. Tony probably wasn’t sure what to do. Laugh at her joke and admit that she’s put on a few unsightly pounds or not laugh and imply what she said wasn’t funny. Either way, he loses. In this  situation, he might as well have gone all out by laughing really hard, grabbing Eva’s jelly rolls and yelling, “Look at this fatty!” You know, make the next two sexless weeks worth it.

Source: theblemish.com

There have been a wealth of rumors over the past few weeks claiming Eva Longoria is pregnant which she has been neither confirmed nor denied. So, do these photos of her on the set of Desperate Housewives offer any confirmation? I don’t know. What I do know from these photos, however, is that Eva has dark nipples. Like, really dark. Does that help solve the mystery?

Source: theblemish.com

The creator and executive producer of Desperate Housewives, Marc Cherry, so desperate for ratings (hehe, see what I did there? I’m awesome) has revealed that Eva Longoria is trying to get pregnant with Tony Parker. There are rumors that Eva is already pregnant, but Marc said those pictures of Eva looking ugly and fat are part of the storyline for the show’s next season.

“Gaby is having a very tough time being the mother of two overweight, hyperactive children,” Cherry revealed of the show’s next season, which advances five years. “But Eva is having a marvelous time playing her!”

If Eva ever gives birth, that thing will take one look at her without makeup and claw their way back into her womb. But, knowing Eva, she’ll grab it by the leg and drag it back out to have their picture taken by the surrounding paparazzi. I wouldn’t be surprised if Eva told them to get closeups of her dilated cervix.

Source: theblemish.com

Everyone is speculating that Eva Longoria might be pregnant and use these pictures of her vacationing in Portofino, Italy as evidence. They say she has a slight “bump.” Whatever. This chick isn’t pregnant. The only thing festering inside of her is a a bizarre belief that she’s hot.

Source: theblemish.com

It seems Tony Parker hasn’t been satisfying Eva Longoria. /Puts hand over mouth and giggles

Source: theblemish.com

This was a couple of days ago, but a genius fan brought a cardboard cutout of Eva Longoria to the Spurs vs New Orleans game and put it up when Tony Parker was shooting free throws to distract him. It worked. Tony Parker missed his two free throws before security took the guy away. And the Spurs lost. Ha, you suck.

Next time they should bring a cardboard cutout of Eva Longoria with no makeup. Freak out all the Spurs. Instead of free throws, the Spurs will just be chucking the ball at Eva’s head in a futile attempt to kill her. When that fails, they’ll probably curl up in the fetal position and start sucking their thumbs.