Source: theblemish.com

I can’t decide who I want to bang more: Doutzen Kroes or Alessandra Ambrosio. Sigh. It’s times like these when I wish I had one of those cool voting option things on the site. I always base my unrealistic expectations on the popular vote.

Source: theblemish.com

Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes hit the beach the other day and looked like she was about to hump her boyfriend in the ocean. That is her boyfriend, right? Because I think I can take him. Beating him up is the first step in wooing Doutzen away from him. Also, he might be gay. It looks like he’s checking out another guy’s package in this pic. Yep, this is going to be easier than I thought. His sculpted body will be no match for the fighting skills I learned from Billy Banks. I just have to make sure not to fall in love with those piercing eyes and chiseled abs.

Source: theblemish.com

What is this? The fifth time I’m posting about Victoria’s Secret Model Doutzen Kroes being naked? It’s like she’s the only one reading my letters. What’s up with that, other VS models? I don’t write those things in blood and seal them with a kiss for nothing.

Source: theblemish.com

Newest Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes is seen here at a photoshoot wearing the world’s greatest bra. It’s completely see-through. She might as well have put saran wrap or a plastic bag over her breasts.

Source: theblemish.com

Ever wanted to know what it’s like to have x-ray vision? Ever wanted to bang a supermodel? While I can’t help you with the last one (I don’t like to share), the first is doable. The photos below will give you an idea of what it’s like to see through the clothes of Victoria’s Secret models Doutzen Kroes and Raquel Zimmermann. So put down those glasses you got from the back of your comic book dorkus and start clicking before your mommy walks in on you again and you have to explain to her what you’re doing with that cantaloupe.

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Source: theblemish.com

I don’t know how I missed this, but prior to the fashion show, all the Victoria’s Secret angels hit the beach in their bikinis to taunt us mere mortals with their ungodly bodies. If you felt an earthquake last week, don’t worry, those weren’t tectonic plates, that was just the earth orgasming. As always, more after the jump.

Source: theblemish.com

Every year, Victoria’s Secret has their lingerie fashion show and every year I check my mailbox for an invite and every year I find a reminder from the court telling me to stay 500 yards away from all Victoria’s Secret models. Next year it’s going to be different. Watch out Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Ana Beatriz Barros, Heidi Klum, Selita Ebanks, Doutzen Kroes, Miranda Kerr, Izabel Goulart and all the rest. This sexy beast is coming for you. So, please, don’t warn the cops and don’t even try to hide your underwear. I’ll find it eventually. I’ve been practicing with my Where’s Waldo books. A few more after the jump or click any photo for the full gallery.

Source: theblemish.com

Newest Victoria’s Secret Angel Doutzen Kroes went to NY for a secret Victoria’s Show Fitting. In related news. Victoria’s Secret gave me the wrong directions to this secret fitting. I ended up at a police station. With no models in sight. You guys got me pretty good again. But seriously, how about the real address next time?

Source: theblemish.com

Newly minted Victoria’s Secret Angel Doutzen Kroes hung out at Maimi beach over the weekend. She looks decent, but why is she so shifty? Looking at the picture above you’d think she just farted or killed a homeless guy.