Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Howard Stern ruined any chance of ever copping a feel on Dolly Parton after he spliced segments of her new audio book and made it sound as though she were hurling disgusting racial slurs – and other, well, pretty f*cked up stuff!

[Head over to Defamer to listen to the audio.]

Stern edited Parton’s voice to make it sound as though she were talking about things such as how much she loves (n-word) cock, she accuses Kenny Rogers of pissing into (*ugh*) young boys a**holes, and says she had sex with Minnie Pearl’s dead corpse.

Ok, now I have a pretty wicked sense of humor, can hang with the boys and talk like a sailor, but I don’t find this bit to be very funny. It’s incredibly juvenile and sounds like something 14-year old boys would splice together. And I can never find a justification in using the N-word. I’m surprised Robin, as a seemingly strong black woman, puts up with that sh*t. Funny what people will do for money and fame..

Let me add that I am against censorship, so I am not going to start screaming about how Howard should be banned and all that bullsh*t. Dolly’s a big girl, I think she’ll handle herself just fine on this one.

Speaking of, she released a statement regarding the bit, and of course, she is embarrassed and pissed.

“I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life. I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this….If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it’s going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this.”

Someone should make a tape of Howard’s girlfriend talking about her loose vag, or of Robin talking about how much Howard c*ck she chokes down in order to keep her job. Or maybe of Artie sucking another fat guy off for a baggie of blow. Hmm…now that would be funny!

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Do you recognize these stars as they were in 1977?

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Do you recognize these stars as they were in 1977?

Source: www.celebitchy.com

I do love a celebrity who can poke a bit of good-humored fun at themselves, and Dolly Parton is certainly one of those. I actually didn’t realize that she was a singer when I was a child. I just kind of thought she was a woman who made appearances for comedy effect, like Coco. We didn’t listen to much country music in our house.

It seems that Dolly has had to postpone her upcoming Backwoods Barbie tour. Great name, see what I mean about her being able to poke fun at herself?

The tour–in support of DOLLY’s BACKWOODS BARBIE album, due out February 26 on Dolly Records–was set to kick off February 28 in Minneapolis, MN. DOLLY apologizes to all her fans for this inconvenience and hopes that her fans will be patient until the dates can be rescheduled for late April through May. Tickets will be honored for the new dates.

In a statement, DOLLY said: “I know I have been breaking my neck and bending over backwards trying to get my new Backwoods Barbie CD and world tour together, but I didn’t mean to hurt myself doing it! But hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don’t have back problems. Seriously though, the doctors said I will be good as new in a few weeks, and I can’t wait to get back out there. See you soon, Dolly.”

Dolly Parton

I’m actually really glad that Dolly is only suffering a bit of back ache, she’s 62 years old and could have something much more serious. I know that being in your sixties isn’t exactly elderly, but most people are retired by then. Dolly looks really good for 62, although she happily admits to having plastic surgery, saying “If I see something sagging, bagging and dragging, I’m going to nip it, tuck it, and suck it!” and “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”

She also admits that her breasts aren’t real anymore, but prior to her weight loss in the 1970’s they were real. Now she says ‘They’re mine, bought and paid for!”

I think I might be a fan. I always did like her versionof I Will Always Love You best. (link leads to video)

Picture note by Celebitchy: Dolly Parton is shown at the Thanksgiving Day Parade on 11/22/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Source: seriouslyomg.com

Source: seriouslyomg.com

Source: www.celebitchy.com

next image >>

Source: www.celebitchy.com

<< last image</a>    

Source: www.celebitchy.com

<< last image</a>    

Source: www.celebitchy.com

Dolly Parton is one crazy cookie. I remember her in her days when “9 to 5” was hot. She was also in a Christmas special I loved to watch. But she is sporting more plastic than Barbie and going on tirades about hookers and her open marriage. Now she wants to package all that crazy-making into a biopic.

“Dolly wants the very best people in town to work on the project and is naturally very excited. And we hear the blonde legend wants American beauty Scarlett Johansson to play her.”

[Daily Star]

Good choice by Dolly. If Scarlett stuffed a couple of bowling balls into her bra she would be on the money. Parton’s most notable assets have been her best weapons since, I am guessing, birth. After she passes into the great big plantation in the sky she joked that her chest would live on.

“I can just see two big mountains growing up out of my grave, and people going around on mule rides to look at them. Throughout my whole career, I’ve been known for two things – I’m talking about my music and my lyrics!”

Parton is also trying to sell her idea to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. She is desperate to have the TomKat team produce the biopic. She feels that Tom, Katie and Scarjo would be the best-of-the-best to bring her film to life.

My guess is that the hard-core Dolly fans out there will make a yearly pilgrimage to see the temple erected in her honor. Perhaps they could take those donkey rides to the top and find inner piece or a buffet of grits and a shrine made of acrylic fingernails dedicated to her memory.

Note by Celebitchy: I doubt this story is true, but with Dolly talking so much smack lately you never know. I was thinking they already have a sort-of shrine to Dolly Parton. There’s an amusement park in Tennessee called Dollywood, and checking out the website I can say that I would go there with my family if I had any other reason to be be in Tennessee. It looks like it pays homage to Tennessee’s past along with having modern rides and family shows. Have any of you ever been there and was it fun?

Scarlett Johansson is shown on 5/3/2007 at a Louis Vuitton party for Oxfam. Dolly Parton is shown on 6/7/07 at the Songwriters Hall of Fame Ceremony. Thanks to PRPhotos.

Update: I am using a Vodaphone connection temporarily, one of those mobile connections that you plug into a USB port, as I just moved and don’t have Internet at home yet. It does this weird thing where it doesn’t download the entire image data, and just shows fuzzy images. I thought it was just happening on my computer and that you guys would see clearer images, but it’s also affecting the images I download from PRPhotos. I found a workaround for newer posts than this, but I just wanted to let you know that there are fuzzy images on this post and on other posts with pictures from PRPhotos for the last week or so, and that I didn’t figure out what was happening until now.