Source: theblemish.com

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard were making out at the beach over the weekend. Well, it’s not so much making out as it was Dax Shepard trying to see how far he could shove his tongue down her throat. He considers that foreplay.

I hope this relationship is part of an elaborate joke that I don’t get. Maybe it’s building up to something big. Like, they’ll take a romantic stroll down a pier, alone, and while they admire the vicious waves crashing into the jagged rocks below, Kristen will push Dax in, laugh and gleefully shriek, “You got Punk’d!” That makes more sense than this.

Source: theblemish.com

While the ogre-like Dax Shepard was looking away, Kristen Bell seized the opportunity to flirt with me. Actions speak louder than words and if you translated Kristen’s bent-over-on-all-fours message, it would read in all caps, “Hey, I’m available. Call me, sexy. Kisses.”

Source: theblemish.com

Dax Shepard is an average looking guy, mediocre actor and from what I’ve seen, not very funny. Yet, he managed to hook up with Kate Hudson and now Kristen Bell. She even willingly makes out with him in public. All the while I’m stuck here dressing my stuffed animals up like women and failing to even get to third base with them. Fluffles is such a prude. C’mon baby. Just let me touch it. Please?

Source: theblemish.com

Kristen Bell is taking Dax Shepard as her New Year’s date to the Raleigh Hotel in Miami. However, she told the event planners that they could put her name or Dax’s name on the announcements, but they can’t put both. Presumably to not build an event off their relationship.

Wait, hold on. Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell? Dax Shepard must have a magic penis or a really well written ransom note because I don’t see how this guy can get Kate Hudson and now Kristen Bell. He’s from Punk’d and looks like someone sewed a pit bull’s head on a human body. Kristen is from Heroes and looks like if I surreptitiously sniffed her hair, I would be engulfed by a beam of warm light from while angels sang heavenly music in the skies. Dax dating Kristen Bell is like doing it with a weed whacker. Yea, it’s possible, but for the love of God, why?

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

From Page Six:

“HEROES” star Kristen Bell doesn’t want any events being promoted on the back of her latest relationship. Bell has been trying to hide from photographers while out in LA with latest fling, comic Dax Shepard. An insider told us, “Kristen is taking Dax as her New Year’s Eve date to the Raleigh Hotel in Miami.” Bell, who recently kicked her director fiancé Kevin Mann to the curb, is insisting that any promotions for the party don’t list the duo as a couple. Our source said, “She told event people they can put either her or Dax on the party announcements - but not both of them.”

OMG, Kristen. I’m sure you’re a very nice girl, but that’s sort of the problem: You’re a very nice girl. You look nice in a bikini. But it’s not like you’re a mainstay around here, and it’s not like Dax Shepard is all that famous, either. In fact, I can’t name a damn thing he’s done other than bang Kate Hudson for five minutes earlier this year. Why would anyone care?

Or maybe she’s just trying not to rub it in for her ex-fiance. In that case, that’s nice of you, dear.

Source: theblemish.com

Kate Hudson finally realized who she was dating and has ended it with Dax Shepard. Post Chronicle says Kate broke it off with Dax because she realized how much she loved Owen Wilson after his suicide attempt. NYDN says she just got bored. Meanwhile, In Touch Weekly reports on the one that no one cares about. Dax who?

“Dax is devastated over losing Kate. He will do anything to win her back.”

Oh, Dax. Any misdirected attempt at proving your love will only make you seem more desperate and desperation is unattractive. I would know. One time, I tried to win a girl back like John Cusack in Say Anything. Except, I was a little bit more creative. Instead of holding a stupid boombox over my head, I carved “I love you,” into my stomach and pressed it against her window at night while she was watching a movie with her new boyfriend. Surprisingly, she didn’t take me back. Women are such a mystery.