Source: theblemish.com

Adriana Lima is pregnant. Married on Valentine’s Day, she and husband Marko Jaric are expecting to deliver in the winter. Lima claimed to be saving her virginity for marriage. In hindsight, that was a good idea. It sounds like Marko’s penis barely touched her and she got pregnant.

“Adriana and Marko are overjoyed that they are expecting their first child together and are excited to share the happy news and start their family together,” say reps.

A lot of people say Adriana Lima is one of the hottest Victoria’s Secret models, but I don’t see it. She looks a little rat-like. Not like Alessandra Ambrosio or Heidi Klum. What I’m trying to say is don’t expect their baby to be blessed with supermodel looks. Especially since Marko looks like the village idiot. At best, expect a 7 foot awkward, gangly creature that the government banishes to the sewers.

Source: theblemish.com

Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima has long professed that she is a virgin and will be until she is married. It took a while for her NBA boyfriend Marko Jaric to figure it out, but he finally married her on Valentine’s Day in a small ceremony attended by close friends and family. Lima wrote on her MySpace:

An IMPORTANT blog, MARRIAGE

Hello!

By this point, some people know about my big news! Yes, I like to keep my life personal but I did become married on Valentine Day to the love of my life. I am SO happy inside and I want to spread my love!
The marriage was very small and not most friends and family could attend because it was a quick decision. Luckily, we will be having another wedding this summer that will be a bigger event!
We have not decided where it will be because my family is in Brasil and Marko is from Serbia. It will be great no matter where!
And finally, there are rumors of me pregnant. I just cannot say.. YET! .

beijos!!!
adri

If the rumors of a pregnancy are true, that either means it only took her one week to get pregnant or she had sex before Valentine’s Day thereby violating her sacred vows. That or Marko tricked Adriana into thinking “sex” meant something completely different. Like, one day he pointed to a donut and said, “This is sex.” Which could explain why they never eat donuts anymore.

Source: theblemish.com

Every year, Victoria’s Secret has their lingerie fashion show and every year I check my mailbox for an invite and every year I find a reminder from the court telling me to stay 500 yards away from all Victoria’s Secret models. Next year it’s going to be different. Watch out Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Ana Beatriz Barros, Heidi Klum, Selita Ebanks, Doutzen Kroes, Miranda Kerr, Izabel Goulart and all the rest. This sexy beast is coming for you. So, please, don’t warn the cops and don’t even try to hide your underwear. I’ll find it eventually. I’ve been practicing with my Where’s Waldo books. A few more after the jump or click any photo for the full gallery.

Source: theblemish.com

This was labeled as some sort of behind the scenes Victoria’s Secret bikini shoot featuring Marisa Miller, Alessadra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima and Karolina Kurkova. But I think we all know what’s really going on here. My fantasies have finally materialized! And once again, I’m on the outside looking in. Just like in my dreams.

More hotness after the jump.

Source: theblemish.com

I’m not arguing Adriana Lima doesn’t look pretty good in these pictures of her on the set of Ugly Betty, I’m arguing that, normally, she’s weird looking and that sex with her would be the most surreal experience. Mid-coitus, your penis would be all, “Fuck yea, supermodel!,” but your brain would be all, “Wait a minute penis, I have a direct link with the eyes and he’s telling me he’s not too sure about this.” Then your penis would be all, “Screw you brain. Supermodel!,” and eventually, your brain will acquiesce because your penis has made a very convincing argument.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

• Naomi Campbell’s drunk ass was photographed on the Italian Isle of Capri the other night. She was so wasted she couldn’t even stand up! Naomi, 38, was seen being caught by an unknown female in the middle of a street with other party goers surrounding her. Now Campbell’s publicist is insisting that the evil supermodel was not intoxicated, instead she says Naomi was playing a “trust game” where you fall back into your friend’s arms. Yes, the same game you played in elementary school. The not-very-smart publicist said, “It was just a bit of fun and not down to drink. Naomi was playing this trust game, where you fall into a friend’s arms. It’s very hot there, so that could also have had something to do with it.” Someone hit that bitch upside the head with a blackberry..

• Sorry boys, Victoria’s Secret hottie, Adrianna Lima, 27, is engaged to Minnesota Timberwolves basketball star Marko Jaric, 29.
  Jaric’s publicist confirmed the news saying, “He asked and she said yes. They are both incredibly happy and couldn’t be more in love.”
  Jaric said in March, “I was not the person to fall in love easily. I am a difficult person from that standpoint. Now, it’s a little different situation.”
  The couple have been dating for four months.

• Coldplay singer and husband to Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin, walked out of a recorded BBC interview nine minutes into it. He was asked whether his new album, Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends, was a morbid reflection of the band’s lyrical obsession with death. For some reason he didn’t fancy that question. “I wouldn’t agree with you there at all, no,” said Martin. “I’d say you’re journalistically twisting me into saying something I don’t really mean.” The band’s drummer, Will Champion, was left to answer questions until Martin got over himself and returned for one last question about their music moving in a different direction, to which he replied, “Um..yes. Yes, yes. Exactly.”

• Angelina Jolie’s father, Jon Voight, will join the cast of ‘24′ as he has landed the role of the villainous nemesis of Kiefer sutherland’s character, Jack Bauer. This is Voight’s first series role in 40 years. The character will be introduced during “24’s” two-hour Season 7 prequel and will be featured heavily in the latter half of the season. The prequel, now shooting on location in South Africa, is slated to air Nov. 23, with Season 7 of the Imagine TV/20th TV-produced series kicking off in January.

Source: theblemish.com

Marko Jaric, 29, has proposed to Adriana Lima, 27, after 9 months of dating. The Minnesota Timberwolves star’s rep tells PEOPLE:

“He asked and she said yes. They are both incredibly happy and couldn’t be more in love.”

Thank God. If Adriana asked me one more time to have my babies, I would have lost it.

Source: theblemish.com

Marko Jaric of the Minnesota Timberwolves has been dating Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima for the past six months and may be thinking about marriage. Marko says rumors of him shopping for a wedding ring have been greatly exaggerated, not that he isn’t seriously considering it.

“I am not shopping right now,” Jaric, 29, tells PEOPLE. “But I could start tomorrow. I am that close. I’m definitely not yet engaged, but it doesn’t mean we’re not thinking about it.”

“I was not the person to fall in love easily. I am a difficult person from that standpoint,” he says. “Now, it’s a little different situation.”

Adriana has long professed her virginity and maintains that she won’t lose it until after she’s married. Which makes this as good a reason as any for Marko to wed. Sounds easy actually. Other models want it all before they’ll willingly sleep with you. Romantic dinners, trips to Paris and drinks not mixed with GHB. Very high maintenance. If all it took to bang a supermodel was a ring and ceremony, I’d have had sex with twice as many models as I’ve already had. What’s two times zero? Carry the one… is it five? It’s five isn’t it? Oh my god, I’m awesome.

Source: theblemish.com

Here’s another interview Adriana Lima did with GQ. This one is from a while ago. This goes to show how blah this girl is. No sex until after marriage. Go to church every Sunday. She won’t even give out her age (26, as of this writing).

Adriana on what she wanted to be when she was a kid:

Did you always plan on being a supermodel?
When I started, I was too young to know what I wanted. But today I would like to be a doctor. I want to be a pediatry…how do you call it, pediatrician?

Yeah. Pediatrician. So you like kids?
Not really. Depends. If they act well behaved, yes. When they start screaming, I don’t like them. But this is my plan. I might change my mind. For now, God has given me a lot of work.

Me too. I couldn’t care less about people and their problems, that’s why I wanted to be a therapist.

Adriana on sex before marriage:

Look, I’m Catholic, too, but there’s a lot of things about the church that make it hard to date within its rules, don’t you think?
Like what?

Birth control, premarital sex…
Well, you know, sex is just for after marriage.

Say what?
Sex is for after marriage.

I bet she’s a tiger in the sack. Rawr.

Adriana on what she finds attractive in a guy:

So except for the man you’re so in love with, who is your idea of a really hot guy?
My man.

Besides him.
I can’t look at another guy! I can’t. I swear. I’m blocked. I cannot look.

Boooooring.

Adriana on what you should do to approach her:

But how do guys—when you’re out and you’re at a club or a restaurant or an event, how do guys approach—
Don’t approach me.

They don’t approach you?
No, I say: Do not.

Ok, ok. Calm down. I won’t approach you! But, can we compromise? Let me at least jack off to you outside of your window. No? Whoa, no need to dial 911. Jeez, why are you so uptight.

Source: theblemish.com

Adriana Lima recently gave an interview with GQ about life, love and how demanding she really is. She also has tips about how to date a runway beauty like her *cough*. For those of you who don’t think she looks rodent-like, take note. You might just score a date with her. And a few years down the road, you might even get to second base!

#1: Usually, guys are nervous. I think they are afraid of me. I don’t think I look scary. Be however you are. Don’t try to be what you’re not. If you’re nervous, be nervous. If you’re shy, be shy. It’s cute.

#2: If you’re having dinner with friends and they’re always on the phone or always texting, it’s just impolite. Unless it’s something important—like someone is in the hospital or something—don’t do it. It’s not attractive. It’s a girlie thing. It makes you seem like a teenage girl. Especially if you’re talking about parties and which clubs you’re going to and who’s going to be there…it’s just silly.

#3: I like jealous men. I love jealousy. I do. Everything has a limit, of course, but once in a while you have to stand up and say, “I love this person.”

#4: It’s never okay to defend my honor by beating someone up. You have to control yourself, even if the other person is drunk and crazy. Just say, “Let’s go home. Let’s leave.” You don’t have to say a thing to him. I never have to see that person for the rest of my life. I don’t like fights. I don’t like aggressive people.

#5: Don’t hit on my girlfriends. Don’t treat them like a piece of meat. Don’t flirt with them! We’re not competitive. It has happened before, and it never works.

#6: When we’re traveling together for the first time, we sleep in different rooms. That’s the number one thing. And you should plan the whole trip. Buy the ticket, get the car to the airport, organize everything so I don’t have to think about it. And yes, carry my bags. I don’t travel light, either—at least two bags. Always.

This bitch is asking a lot. You want me to carry your bags and not hit on your friends? Good luck with that. If I was out with Adriana and her friend Alessandra Ambrosio came by, the moment she looked down I’d be humping Alessandra’s leg so hard that her femur might break. The only thing we see eye-to-eye on is not defending her honor by beating someone up. Generally, I like to run away crying.