Source: theblemish.com

The sad thing is, these commercials for Japanese Pachinko maker Sankyo have a more coherent plot than any of Nic Cage’s movies.

Source: theblemish.com

“This should put to rest those pesky gay rumors,” Ed told himself as he sashayed across the runway in a plaid man skirt.

Source: theblemish.com

Alyson Hannigan birthed out a baby girl on March 24 in Los Angeles. They named her Satyana which I presume is the long version of Satan. During an appearance on Ellen, Hannigan said:

“I have pregnancy brain, which I never realized was a thing but it is,” she said on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. “I sort of feel like a Koala bear where I’m slightly stoned all the time and say the wrong word.”

Fact: Koalas are stoned all the time. Have you seen them do anything other than sit around giggling and eating eucalyptus leaves? Not I and I watch koalas all the time. On the Discovery channel. When there’s a commercial for 24. So I should know.

Source: theblemish.com

Two alleged former employees, a makeup artist and a fashion stylist, are suing Queen Latifah today claiming she cheated them out of $1 million.

Roxanna Floyd says she’s out $700,000 after Latifah didn’t pay her from July 2005 to February 2008.

Stylist Susan Moses alleges the same thing but says she lost $300,000 during that time.

A spokeswoman for Latifah said the lawsuits have no merit.

That makeup artist and stylist deserve to lose their money. Normal people sue when they aren’t paid after a month. These people worked for three years for free. Either they were huge optimists or huge retards. A good way to see which they are is to tell them the courthouse is located on 123 Fake St. and see if they Mapquest it.

[Image via Splash News]

Source: theblemish.com

Britney Spears reunited with Starbucks the other day and nothing has ever felt so good. The two hit a rough patch before her world tour when her trainer forbade Britney to see her darling Frappucino, but love conquers all. Plus, you don’t want to stand in the way of Britney and her 5,000 calorie cup of coffee. It’s like keeping a lion from a fresh kill.

Source: theblemish.com

Angelina Jolie hasn’t finished her multi-cultural adopting spree just yet. The Sun says Angelina confided in ten-year-old Azharuddin Mohammed (Slumdog Millionaire) that she’ll be adopting an Indian orphan soon.

Angelina should just join the Babies of the Month club like I have. It was supposed to be Beers of the Month, but I marked the wrong check box. Anyway, to the foreboding quote:

In November 2006 they visited an orphanage in Pune and spent more than an hour meeting children and handing out toys.

The adoption centre’s chief said at the time: “Brad and Angelina were lovely and adore kids. Every move and every look of the couple was filled with love for our children and we were floored with their genuine affection.

“It was great excitement not only for our kids but for our staff as well.”

It would have been cool if Angelina told Mohammed she’s adopting an Indian kid and then said, “Surprise, it’s you!” and then told him she was just kidding and then pointed and laughed. Wait. Did I mean to say cruel instead of cool? No, I meant cool. Definitely cool.

Source: theblemish.com

Megan Fox turned her hair curly and, um, she doesn’t look the same. She looks 35. No way can hair make this big of a difference. One time I shaved my head and I still got picked out of a lineup. Must be something else. Maybe it’s because I’m not distracted because I’m not furiously masturbating like I usually am.

Source: theblemish.com

When Lindsay Lohan started driving around in a $100,000 Maserati last week, heads were being scratched wondering how she could afford such a car when she’s basically broke. Turns out she can’t. A “porn king” by the name of Dennis DeSantis is letting Lindsay borrow it. There’s also reportedly no catch.

No word on why Dennis lent LiLo the car — but we’re told there’s no XXX catch to drive the ride. And as for the damage Lindsay’s assistant caused to the whip, we’re told Double D isn’t even sweating it — and will let Linz drive the car after it’s been repaired — an estimated $10,000 job.

They always let you borrow jewelery or a car or a house and say there’s no strings attached, but then one day they call in a favor and what happens? You’re on set, on all fours, waiting for your co-star to put on her strap-on and worrying that the lube is going to run out. You know what? I… I don’t want to talk about it.

Source: theblemish.com

Kendra Wilkinson is coming out with her own line of stripper poles. Now you can be a whore in the comfort of your own home just like Kendra with a signature Wilkinson pole and the accompanying stripper pole workout.

Wilkinson promises hers will be better than Carmen Electra’s because it connects to the ceiling and “you can spin on it and do all that stuff on it.”

Sadly, no dollar bills will be thrown at you, but, you get to increase your risk of concussion now that you’re able to practice your upside down twirly move. Not only that, when your parents come over, you can both impress and profoundly disappoint them with your new found skills.

Source: theblemish.com

A week or two ago, reports began coming in that Rihanna was not cooperating with prosecutors in Chris Brown’s case. Yesterday, the same report sprung up again almost word for word. According to the LA DA’s office, those reports are unfounded. They tell TMZ , “We deal with her attorney who says she is a cooperating victim.”

Either way, prosecutors are used to dealing without a cooperating victim. The leaked photographs and Rihanna’s statement that this wasn’t the first time she was beaten are evidence enough. Unlike that stick figure drawing I made of the guy who robbed me. Apparently, police didn’t “have enough to go on.” Imbeciles.