Source: theblemish.com

Jessica Alba is either:

A) Getting the world’s greatest massage
B) Having her soul sucked out of her body
C) Attempting to seduce me

Choose wisely. This counts for 50% of your grade. Write-in answers will be accepted on a case-by-case basis.

Source: theblemish.com

Lady GaGay wants to know who stole her shirt. C’mon guys. Give it back. This isn’t funny anymore.

Source: theblemish.com

Khloe Kardashian reveals exclusively on her website that she and Rashad McCants of the Timberwolves are no longer together. Khloe explains that his constant traveling strained their relationship. Khloe will be hard pressed to find anyone who cares what her relationship status is, so, moving on.

Kim Kardashian has again come to the defense of Jessica Simpson. Kim says Jessica is not fat at all and that she’s “offended that people are giving her such a hard time over this.” Kim then throws her big ass in the line of fire by directing the spotlight on her and adds, “I am probably twice Jessica’s size, so what do you guys think of me then???”

Um. You’re fat? I’m sorry, was that more of a rhetorical question or what?

Source: theblemish.com

Evan Rachel Wood is pissed that people would think she’d ever let that monster Mickey Rourke touch her. She told Rolling Stone that she feels “disrespected by the press and by Mr. Rourke.” Wood added that “Just because I’m single doesn’t mean that you can take advantage of me. It’s unfair that the performances might suffer because of all of these distractions.”

And if Mickey still didn’t get the hint, Wood continued, “I’m not attracted to him, he’s too old for me. Nothing ever happened and nothing ever will.”

While reading this out loud, Mickey’s face turned from glowing, to unamused and then to sad. After he finished the article, Mickey was seen sitting in his chair with a gun to his head sobbing, “I’m so grotethque.” Nearby friends couldn’t offer a counter argument.

Source: theblemish.com

Is the economy so bad that Amanda Bynes has to turn to prostitution?

Source: theblemish.com

62-year-old Suzanne Somers, Three’s Company and Step By Step, went on Oprah Thursday to discuss her daily health routine. It involves rubbing a syringe of estrogen on one arm every day, rubbing a syringe of progesterone on the other arm for two weeks of every month and vaginal injections of estriol.

Also, every morning she’ll take 40 pills, 15 of which are mixed in with a thick, yellow smoothie. Before bed, she takes another 20.

While she admits the routine makes her seem “like some kind of fanatic,” she says it has helped her beat the “Seven Dwarfs of Menopause: Itchy, B**chy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up.”

“I wanna be there,” she said, pointing to her head. “Until I’m 110. And I’m going to do what I have to do to get there.”

Holy crap. A cancer patient doesn’t even take that many pills or injections. This bitch is insane. There’s no way I would even bring a needle within five feet of my crotch. If you told me that if I stabbed my penis every day with testosterone, my dick would grow four inches and sex would last longer than two minutes, I’d say no thanks. The laughter, embarrassment and endless crying isn’t that bad.

[Image via Splash News]

Source: theblemish.com

Pete Wentz is the latest celebrity to defend Jessica Simpson against everyone calling her a fatty. Pete offered up a perfect Hallmark moment.

“I think that the media puts too harsh of a spotlight on women in general, and I think it’s a bummer,” the Fall Out Boy told Extra from the NFL Pepsi Smash Super Bowl Bash in Tampa, Florida Thursday, when asked about Simpson’s new curves.

“It’s bad for young women,” Wentz added. “I see it affecting young girls who come to our shows, and that’s a bummer.”

The bassist continued: “Real beauty is on the inside, man.”

Pete should tell Ashlee that “real beauty is on the inside” since she’s the same girl who got her nose done because everyone kept making fun of her. Plus, when was the last time you saw a celebrity dating a “full figure” chick. Never. Does that mean only celebrities think fat girls are ugly inside and out? Probably. Wow, turns out Pete is a real asshole.

Here’s Jessica performing yesterday in leather.

Source: theblemish.com

Madonna has won temporary custody of her kids and will be allowed to take them out of Britain. Rocco, David and Lourdes are all expected to move to New York permanently.

“Everything is going to be resolved in the next couple of weeks.

“Everything is going well. It’s pretty amicable at the moment. Things are progressing.”

Sucks for the kids. Now they have to see this monster every day. Madonna probably walks around her house in skintight Lycra. Every time they invite friends over, they’ll be required by law to issue a coupon for a year’s worth of free therapy.

Source: theblemish.com

Miley Cyrus’ attempts at looking older and more mature are making me fidgety. Now I’m going to sit here all day wondering if the UPS guy knocking on my door is actually an undercover cop. And if he is, maybe I can rattle pots and pans and break dishes on the floor and scream real loud like I’m in mortal danger to scare him away.

Source: theblemish.com

I had to Google how old Ali Lohan is. I thought she was 27, but turns out she’s 15. Jesus. It’s like she has that disease that makes you age faster than everyone else. By the time she’s 18, her breasts will be swinging down by her knees and she’ll be sitting in a rocking chair telling kids three years her younger to get off her lawn. While other kids consider their 18th birthday a milestone because they get to go to strip clubs, Ali will consider hers a milestone because she’ll finally get her AARP card.