Source: theblemish.com

DMX showed up in Maricopa County court where he decided it’d be much easier pleading guilty four times to three different cases right then and there instead of having to shuffle back and forth. The breakdown of the three cases are as follows (according to TMZ):

1. Guilty to one count of cruelty to animals and one count of possession of narcotic drugs.
2. Guilty to theft.
3. Guilty to possession of marijuana.

DMX, real name Earl Simmons, will be sentenced on Jan. 30 where he is expected to be given 90 days in jail with no credit for time served. Any probation violation could net him 10 years in jail.

Sources say that when DMX left the courtroom, he was shouting something about how two wrongs made a right and that meant he was doubly right and that the judge could suck it. I’m not sure how well that worked out, but if those tasers that made him to go into convulsions were any indication, then not good.

Source: theblemish.com

The last time Lindsay Lohan was in a bikini she was in Mexico and she seemed pretty hot. Now, not so much. She still has a fantastic rack, but apart from that, it looks like someone stuck two water balloons on a coat rack. Lindsay must have gone through a lot of changes these past few months. For instance, instead of eating real food, Lindsay’s diet now consists solely of Monster energy drinks and Samantha Ronson’s labia. And now, instead of worrying about fitting into a dress, she has to worry about falling down the shower drain.

Source: theblemish.com

Well proportioned (read: big tits) Kelly Brook and a guy I don’t know took a romp in the Caribbean the other day. This is newsworthy for two reasons, er, three reasons. The first two reside on her chest. The third is something I completely forgot. Hey, did I mention her breasts? They’re big!

Source: theblemish.com

Police in Scottsdale, Arizona pulled over former NBA player, 45-year-old Charles Barkley, for running a stop sign. They realized Barkley was acting a little weird and asked him to take a breathalyzer. Barkley refused and was taken to the station for a blood test. Cops cited him for driving while impaired and released him. Results of the blood test will be known in about a week. Until then, Barkley is free to look like a cracked out homeless guy whose swift brand of justice includes throwing human feces at passing motorists.

Source: theblemish.com

This is a little better. Beyonce and Jay-Z spent the day swimming, jet skiing and doing whatever it is rich people do in the Caribbean. Here they are on their fancy boat diving into the bluest of oceans. The only thing missing from this vacation is a hooker and Jay-Z running out of the cabin screaming, “Oh my god, oh my god, she’s dead. Help me throw her overboard!”

Source: theblemish.com

Viacom has figuratively taken their ball and left. Radar reports that contract negotiations between Viacom and Time Warner have stalled resulting in 19 channels going dark on Jan. 1st. These include Comedy Central; CMT: Pure Country; Logo; Palladia; MTV; MTV 2; MTV Hits; MTV Jams; MTV Tr3s; Nickelodeon; Noggin; Nick 2; Nicktoons; Spike; The N; TV Land; Vh1; Vh1 Classic; Vh1 Soul.

Viacom wants a higher fee for letting Time Warner air its content and claims its justified based on the increased profits Time Warner sees from their stations. The cable company, on the other hand, argues that customers will foot the bill. Thus, Viacom and Time Warner are at a standstill.

Interestingly enough, Viacom thinks more brands want to advertise on their networks. Apart from The Hills whose viewership is declining, they have nothing of major interest unless you really love watching reruns of CSI on Spike (maybe Comedy Central for South Park and Colbert). The only inconvenience to me is that I have to reprogram my TV to skip those channels. In any case, Viacom can go F themselves. Not because they’re forcing 19 channels off the air, but because The Hills and Sweet Sixteen are abominations which should have been killed off much like the Spartans did with their deformed babies.

Above is a Viacom sponsored video telling you to bug Time Warner to get your channels back. I’m sure those five calls Time Warner receives will be really effective.

Source: theblemish.com

Dane Cook’s half-brother, Darryl McCauley, has been in charge of Dane’s finances since the 90’s, but today he’ll in all likelihood no longer hold that esteemed position. That’s because according to TMZ, Darryl was arrested and charged with three counts of larceny and forgery. Darryl allegedly faked a $3 million check and gave himself an early or late Christmas present. The Boston Globe goes into more detail saying Darryl bilked Cook out of his money over the past 18 months.

As business manager, he would manage his client’s financial affairs, including the receipt and payment of bills, and the receipt and deposit of income and revenue from various businesses his client controlled.

Between July 2007 and December 2008, prosecutors say, McCauley stole millions of dollars from his former client’s business accounts by transferring funds to his own personal accounts. In one instance, he allegedly forged Cook’s signature for a $3 million check from the entertainer’s account to himself.

McCauley used the money for personal use, Coakley’s office said, and an investigation is ongoing.

Darryl probably didn’t even need to steal from Dane. They seemed pretty close so Dane would have given him whatever he needed. Maybe not $3 million or however much he was stealing, but maybe another cheeseburger to go with his extra value meal. But absolutely no supersizing. Let’s not get too crazy.

Source: theblemish.com

God, what is up with these old and/or pregnant women in a bikini. Is it too much to ask for shots of a somewhat attractive celebrity. Say a Jessica Alba or more Katy Perry. I’d even settle for Avril Lavigne at this point. Ugh, how am I supposed to masturbate to this stuff?  I mean, I guess I can try, but I’ll tell you this. I won’t like it. Not one bit at all.

Source: theblemish.com

Police are always getting into your business. First you can’t be within 100 yards of a high school and now you can’t drive recklessly down the highway. Case in point. Matt Dillon was ticketed for speeding by Vermont State Police who clocked him going 106 mph in a 65 mph zone on Interstate 91 on Tuesday night. His court date is scheduled for January 21.

If I were Matt, I’d tell the judge I had explosive diarrhea and was rushing to the nearest bathroom instead of the real reason which was to try and get as far away as he could from that dead bicyclist. Matt swears it was an accident, man.

Source: theblemish.com

You were probably just thinking about those topless Lily Allen pics from last week and hoping for more. You and I must be on the same wavelength because here are those very shots of that disproportionate hot bitch at the beach you wished for. This day is turning out great. Donatella Versace, a lactating Billie Piper and now more Lily Allen. It’s like if you took a carton of ice cream, a stick of cookie dough, a bag of chocolate chips, mixed them all together and heated the concoction up in a microwave to turn what could have been a tantalizing Tuesday into something that remains rather low on your list of best days ever.