Source: evilbeetgossip.com

Ooooooooh, I am going to get in such big trouble for this. Such big trouble.

But I have to tell it!

I came across this photo of Luke and Rick Schroder at the premiere of Leatherheads, and I was like, “Oh my God. It’s time. It’s time for the Rick Schroder story.”

OMG.

You guys ready?

Okay, so I’m like 16 years old, maybe 17. My best friend’s parents are having a dinner party, and my boyfriend and I go to hang out toward the end of the evening. One of the dinner party guests is Rick Schroder’s father. He’s a Born-Again Christian, and he is also trashed out of his gourd.

I’m Jewish. So is my best friend, and, consequently, her parents, the hosts of this party. This does not stop Rick Schroder’s father from going on an extensive, drunken rant about how we are all going to rot in hell for our failure to accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.

This is not the funny part, but it’s important that you have a clear mental image of this holier-than-thou character.

We keep talking, Rick Schroder’s dad keeps drinking. We’re all out on the patio of my best friend’s stunning home, a huge expanse overlooking the mountains in Paradise Valley. People are dressed up. Wine is being served in crystal glasses. It’s all very fancy, like the kind of environment in which you’d want to demonstrate some measure of class.

At some point, I mention that I don’t eat pork, as a part of the whole Kosher thing that’s going to result in my one-way ticket to Devil-land. This prompts Rick Schroder’s mother to turn to Rick Schroder’s father and say, “You should do your fried bacon impression.” And my best friend and I are like, “Excuse me?” And she’s like, “Oh, he does the best fried bacon impression.” And my best friend and I are, once again, like, “Excuse me?” This continues for awhile, until finally, Rick Schroder’s father agrees — without much encouragement from us — to do his impression of fried bacon. It’s the kind of thing you know can’t end well.

OMG.

It’s like 11:30 pm, and we’ve been lectured for HOURS about the importance of accepting Jesus into our little Jew-girl hearts.

And then Rick Schroder’s father stands up, walks to an open part of the patio, lies down flat on his stomach (wearing a suit!), and proceeds to shake his body up and down like he’s having a seizure. His arms are flailing. His legs are kicking. His stomach is rolling. This is, I suppose, sort of like what bacon looks like when it’s fried. The adults are delighted. They’re clapping, they’re excited, “Oh, how funny! Oh, it’s just like fried bacon!” And my best friend and I are just staring at each other, like, “Did that just actually happen? That could not have just actually happened.”

But it did. Oh, it did. And it’s one of the more scarring memories of my childhood.

And that, my friends, is the Rick Schroder story.

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

Here’s Sarah Larson, George Clooney’s hooker of a girlfriend, at the LA premiere of Leatherheads.

The photo agency has taken to identifying her as “Model Sarah Larson.”

WHAT. THE. FUCK?

She is not a model!!! She’s a fucking waitress!!! WHY DOES SHE GET TO MAGICALLY BE A MODEL NOW THAT SHE’S DATING GEORGE CLOONEY???

The world is just one big giant ball of injustices.

Cool dress, though. For a hooker.

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

“I’m in a no-win situation. If I don’t have my children in my show, then people will say ‘Well, she’s really not a hands-on mom.’ If I do have my children, people are saying that I’m exploiting them. And I think there’s plenty of reality shows with families, where you don’t watch them — at least I never did — and think they really exploited their kids.”

Denise Richards, on why she’s exploiting her kids.

Source: seriouslyomg.com

Source: seriouslyomg.com

Source: theblemish.com

This technically isn’t related to celebrities, but whatever. The story is awesome and insanely creepy. During what I presume was a sting operation, hidden cameras revealed F1 boss Max Mosely to be a Nazi orgy loving, sado-masochistic, role-playing pervert. Max is the son of Oswald Mosely who was such good friends with Adolph Hitler that Hitler was the guest of honor at his wedding.

Multi-millionaire Max “plays a concentration camp commandant in a five hour torture chamber video.” In it, he whips two hookers in concentration camp uniforms and at one point hysterically yells, “she needs more of ze punishment!” Later, he is whipped himself until he starts bleeding. Then he and the hookers do a bunch of other weird stuff. Did I mention Max is 67-years-old?

This was reported by News of the World and I’ve quoted the more interesting parts. It’s a long read, but it’s worth it. NSFW video above.

…while brandishing a LEATHER STRAP over a brunette’s naked bottom.

Then the lashes rain down as Mosley counts them out in German: “Eins! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Fünf! Sechs!”

With each blow, the girl yelps in pain as grinning, grey-haired Mosley becomes clearly aroused. And after the beating, he makes her perform a sex act on him.

Before hammering away at the girls he plays a cowering death camp inmate himself, having his GENITALS inspected and his hair searched for LICE—mocking the humiliating way Jews were treated by SS death camp guards in World War II.

Then, head bowed and tied up in chains, he is interrogated by a dominatrix before being chained up and LASHED so hard over a TORTURE BENCH that he WHIMPERS for mercy and has to have a wound dressing put on his backside.

After paying £2,500 in cash, Mosley—a good friend of F1 billionaire Bernie Ecclestone—was ordered by the head hooker to strip as she played out his sick fantasy.

“OK, undress,” she snapped. “UNDRESS! You are going to be punished to be shown how we treat prisoners in our facility.”

As his white Y-fronts hit the floor, the powerfully built blonde barked out her orders: “Head down. Let’s see if they have been keeping you clean at the other facility.

“Hurry up! Lie face down! Don’t look at me!” Mosley meekly obeyed and was chained and manacled before another blonde dominatrix, wearing only a jacket, shirt and knee-length boots, entered the room.

As another hooker ticked off points on an inspection sheet, she roughly scrutinised his head and private parts before demanding his age. “I’m 42,” he whispered, lying to attract a severe beating. He also lied about his name, saying he was called Tim Barnes, so the punishment would be really painful.

He got what he wanted. “You are now going to be punished,” hissed the dominatrix. “You are going to receive 12 strokes of the birch plus another three for not telling me your real age. Then you will receive six strokes of the cane.”

Mosley was then bent over and strapped naked to a leather torture bench. The muscular blonde dealt him 15 savage blows. Towards the end Mosley was whimpering and gasped for breath. Reddened and bruised, he then received a further six strokes with a cane.

His flogging over, he left the room before saying, “Thank you, mistress”. After having his wounds dressed, Mosley makes the transformation from masochist to sadist. Now fully clothed, he bends two blonde girls over the whipping bench, their striped concentration camp-style uniform bottoms yanked down to expose their buttocks.

He converses in German with one girl throughout the torture, loving every minute of death camp role-play, while the other girl pleads: “I don’t know what you are saying, so I don’t know what to do.”

A frantic orgy then begins, as a brunette hooker is strapped to a bench before a dominatrix uses a sex toy on her. Later she performs a lesbian act on one of the blondes. Red-faced and panting, Mosley looks on like a child in a sweet shop, but surrounded by bright red bottoms.

The orgy lasted almost five hours and the five hookers spent the final ten minutes laughing and drinking wine together. One said: “The girls have all had a good seeing-to!”

After the sex marathon, Mosley dressed again and had a quick pit-stop, turning down wine in favour of a cup of tea. At 5.05pm, he put on his overcoat and disappeared into the blustery afternoon to resume his other life as Max the respectable motor-racing mogul who will be officiating at the next Formula One Grand Prix in Bahrain next weekend.

*Scoots assless chaps, laxatives, fist-shaped dildo and midget hookers under bed* Heh heh. That guy’s a freak, huh?

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

But until we get it, here are the pictures of Paris Hilton falling flat on her face in Prague.

The way the incident was talked about, I was envisioning her being chased by swarms of paparazzi, basically being pushed down by them.

No, it doesn’t look like that at all. It looks like she just totally ate shit.

Loves. It.

To see the end result of this fall, click here.

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

Jessica Simpson was in and out of the hospital this weekend, being treated for a kidney infection.

Jess was admitted on Friday and released on Monday. She’s feeling much better, say her reps.

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

Mandy Moore, I’m looking at you.

Andy Roddick got engaged to model Brooklyn Decker.

Andy’s 25 and Brooklyn is 20.

Yeah, this is gonna work out.

Source: theblemish.com

Jessica Simpson is currently being treated for a kidney infection at Cedars-Sinai. She checked in on Friday because of aches and a fever. Her boyfriend, Tony Romo, wasn’t there because he had prior commitments in Dallas. For, uhm, charity. Yea, charity. That’s it.

I’ve always wanted to be a doctor at Cedars-Sinai. That way when Jessica comes in I can tell her that she needs to strip naked to be throughly examined with massage oil. Oh, and I’ll tell her not to worry about me getting naked too. I just need to take her temperature. With my penis.