Source: www.celebitchy.com

There are a few things in life that are truly horrifying. War, famine, crime, and the thought of Michael Bolton reproducing. Seriously, do not argue with me, you know it’s an utterly horrifying thought. That hair? On a baby? Although it could be downright pretty on an eight-year-old. But that eight-year-old would still be the product of a father who thought it looked good on a 40-year-old man, and that’s just not cool. The other horrifying thought? That kid having Nicollette Sheridan’s over-arched evil eyebrows. With aforementioned long wavy Michael Bolton hair. I wish I were one of those fancy digital artists so I could do a rendering of what I imagine this creature might look like.

Nicollette Sheridan is pregnant with fiancé Michael Bolton’s baby, according to new reports. Friends claim the Desperate Housewives star, 43, is expecting her first child as she plans her wedding to the 54-year-old singer.

An insider says, “She’s absolutely glowing and her pregnancy is the buzz of the set.”

Reports suggest Sheridan gave castmates the big hint she was expecting when she started asking her co-stars, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross and Felicity Huffman all about motherhood and pregnancy.

The source explains, “She kept asking Felicity and Marcia about how the pregnancy would change her appearance and if it would make her hair thinner.”

[From Starpulse]

Well that’s a lovely little thought to warm your heart during the weekend, huh? Seriously, despite the mocking, if it’s true, congrats to them both. If the writer’s strike goes on long enough, they can film a “reality” episode of “Desperate Housewives” where Edie gives birth –you don’t need writers for that dialogue.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Nicollette at the “Beowulf” Los Angeles Premiere on Monday. There are over 20 photos of her on PRPhotos throughout the night, and she has her hands clasped in front of her stomach like that in every single picture. I think she’s trying to hide an early baby bump. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Source: www.celebitchy.com

Bill Clinton has done many an inappropriate thing to a many a lady over the years. But who knew he could work his mojo on a lesbian? Well Bill, apparently. Rosie O’Donnell went off on the former prez/ladies man during a stand up act a few years ago, not knowing that Bill was apparently in the audience. You’d think someone would have mentioned that to her. Or that all the security would be hard to miss. But apparently not, because Rosie told the audience, “He disgusts me,” O’Donnell recalled saying at the casino show. “And I know I’m not supposed to say this because I’m a good Democrat, but I didn’t want to [talk] to him because he lied to me when he said, ‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman,’ and then put the scarlet-letter [bleep]-job on her for the rest of her life . . . I still hate you!”

Well Bill, being the guy that he is, actually sent O’Donnell a card apologizing to her, and gave him her phone number.

The sapphic supernova, doing stand-up at the New York Comedy Festival Tuesday night, told the audience how Clinton sent her a card after she slammed him during a performance at the Mohegan Sun Casino Hotel five years ago, The Post’s Mandy Stadtmiller reports. When the corpulent comic called the phone number Clinton included with his note, Bubba himself picked up, she said. “My knees got weak. I was like, ‘Can I [bleep] you?’ No, I didn’t say it, but I felt it – I was like, ‘Whoa! Whoa!’ And he said, ‘I was at your show the other night, and I was sorry that you didn’t come over and say hello to me. And I know that you’re still harboring some hard feelings,’ ” O’Donnell related.

“And I said, ‘You know, listen, here’s the deal, dude. I’ve been disappointed by men my whole life. I loved JFK, my mother loved JFK, and you were the JFK to me. And you let me down, man. You killed me and that hurt me a lot, and when you hurt me, I don’t know, I didn’t expect that out of you and I thought you could do better for your wife, for the country and just in general.”

Clinton then worked his charm on O’Donnell. “He goes, ‘I’m sorry for all the men who ever hurt you, I’m sorry that I hurt you. Everything you’ve said to me, I’ve said to myself, and I hope one day you can forgive me, and I hope I can forgive me.’” Clinton’s mea culpa quickly had O’Donnell’s faucets opening up. “I’m hysterical crying,” she recalled.

[From the New York Post]

Man he’s good. Never let it be said that there’s a lady out there that Bill Clinton can’t bed. Seriously. Was that disrespectful to say? I don’t care, it’s true. If all men could harness whatever sexual magnetism it is that Bill Clinton has, women the world over would be rendered powerless. It’s a good thing it seems to be bestowed upon the relative few.

Source: www.celebitchy.com

I wasn’t going to cover the whole “Mickey Rourke got a DUI” thing because let’s face it, celebrity DUIs are a dime a dozen these days. It’s not just the partying skanky crowd that gets them, Rebecca De Mornay got one a few days ago, General Hospital’s Kirsten Storms, and some other big and small celebs. It’s starting to seem like it’s a right of passage for them. And really, while they’re upsetting, they’re generally not all that interesting. Now Mickey Rourke was riding a Vespa scooter, which does make it a little funnier. Not funny “ha ha” funny “unusual.” But I still wasn’t going to touch the story. And then I found out it was a mint green Vespa. And that changed everything.

You’d think Mickey Rourke getting busted on a DUI would only reaffirm the actor’s badass reputation. Ditto that cops dubbed him “uncooperative” during the arrest. But the fact that he was collared while tooling around town on a mint green Vespa? That detail could hurt him. The star of Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man was arrested for driving under the influence in Miami Beach early Thursday, after cops spotted him making an illegal U-turn on his trusty scooter. He spent several hours in the Miami-Dade County Jail before posting $1,000 bond.

According to the police report, Rourke was stopped at a red light at 4:11 a.m. and then proceeded to weave across the northbound side of the street “several times” before police pulled him over. Per the report, Rourke greeted the officers with a cheery, “What the f–k did I do?” Miami Beach police officer P. Socarras, who stopped the 55-year-old, described Rourke as having “a flushed face, bloodshot watery eyes, slurred speech and a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath.” Rourke apparently didn’t see it that way. “I’m not drunk,” he told the officer, per the arrest report. “I didn’t even drink that much.”

[From E! News]

Rourke was just barely over the legal limit of .08 – he blew a 0.081. My guess is that it’ll get thrown out. The best part was when he left the police station with his shirt completely unbuttoned and flapping in the wind. A mint green Vespa and exposing your nipples on your way out of jail? What a carefree spirit!

Source: www.celebitchy.com

Evangeline Lilly and Dominic Monaghan have reportedly broken up. The two actors met on the set of “Lost” and started dating shortly thereafter. They supposedly got engaged last spring, though they never made any public statement and no one seems to have ever spotted a ring. Monaghan played a hobbit in the “Lord of the Rings” and articles about the two were always tagged with some mention of a beautiful girl and a hobbit. Kind of sad. They seemed really happy and passionate and into each other.

“LOST” hottie Evangeline Lilly and her hobbit-like fiance, Dominic Monaghan, have hit the skids. Monaghan, whose character was killed off the show, was spotted crying, holding and kissing a woman who was not Lilly at El Coyote restaurant in L.A. on Saturday, reports entertainment blogger Nelson Aspen. “They were right in the middle of the room, they weren’t interested in privacy,” he said. “They looked very intimate. They were nursing margaritas, leaning in, chain-smoking, having intense conversation.” The two eventually drove off in a Toyota Prius together. Reps for Lilly and Monaghan did not return calls.

[From the New York Post]

Dominic Monaghan is having a bad few months. First he gets killed off from “Lost” and then his girlfriend/fiancée breaks up with him. No wonder he’s a weepy mess. Considering all that’s was said in the article, there are other interpretations for what went on. Though you’d think their reps would have bothered to refute it by now. I can’t say why, but I really liked this couple together. Maybe because they seemed sort of mismatched to the rest of us, but neither of them seemed to be aware of it. It was sweet. Something tells me Evangeline will be spending a lot of her spare time calling LiveLinks.

Source: www.celebitchy.com

Nicole Kidman tends to come off as pretty classy (if at times a bit bland) in most of her interviews. Post-divorce, Tom Cruise has come across as an elfin control freak who randomly accuses people of being glib (which is a pretty good way to describe Cruise in general) and promoting pseudo-sciences (again, a pretty good way to describe some Cruise does in general). Nicole hasn’t trashed Tom, but when questions of her marriage to him arise, she manages to make it clear that he squashed her personality. I can’t really explain how, but Nicole seems to still do this in a way that isn’t unseemly. She gave an interview to USA Today in which she talks about how she lost her identity, and how she’s worked on getting it back.

Head’s up, Katie Holmes. In a new interview with USA Today, Nicole Kidman said she lost her self-identity during her nearly 10-year marriage to Tom Cruise because of the couple’s constant traveling. “Tom and I, we moved and moved and moved. Your sense of where do I come from becomes less and less relevant,” said Kidman, 40, who split from Cruise, 45, in 2001 and shares custody of their adopted children Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12.

“A lot of my life, particularly when I was working so much, it was about trying to fill in the gaps,” she added. “Now there’s much more reason to exist in the world without my identity needing to be through work.” She said her life is finally making sense again. “I have a new niece, I have a new marriage, we just bought an acreage in Tennessee, which we’re really happy to build a house on and spend some time doing that,” she said. “I’m just not willing to give up my life with my man anymore.”

Kidman says she and Urban, 40, are “inseparable” (she even plans to hit the road with him on his world tour). “I also like seeing him do what he does,” she said. “He can really play, and he can really sing. I’ll vouch for it.” Kidman said she isn’t as adamant about working so prolifically, either. As for her recent string of box office duds (The Invasion, anyone?), she said she has no regrets. “You always strive to make a good movie,” she said. “Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. You step into something with the best of intentions and you hope. I think that kind of approach to a career, and a life, is the healthiest way to be.”

[From Us Weekly]

I find it really annoying when articles always call her Connor and Isabella her “adopted children” instead of just her children. But that’s neither here nor there. Nicole has been making the publicity rounds lately, and was on the cover of Vanity Fair last month with a long interview. She seems pretty demure and low-key, but also very honest. She talked about Keith Urban’s struggle with drug and alcohol addiction. Before I always thought she came off as sort of an “ice princess” who wouldn’t talk about anything in her life that was less-than-perfect. But she talked about loving someone who has issues, and how they work on it and keep their relationship intact. Nicole said something in the Vanity Fair piece that I thought was remarkably profound. “I kept looking for happiness, and then I realized: This is it. It’s a moment, and it comes, and it goes, and it’ll come back again.” It sounds like she has an optimistic yet realistic outlook.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Nicole at the Margot At The Wedding’ Movie Screening at the New York Film Festival on October 7th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Source: theblemish.com

The writer’s strike has obviously not affected Ellen Degeneres. While Ray Romano and Robin Williams stand strong with fellow strikers, their fellow comic has crossed the picket line. Ellen explained her reasons to her audience (no doubt all non-union employees) thusly:

“I want to say I love my writers. I love them. In honor of them today, I’m not going to do a monologue. I support them and hope that they get everything they’re asking for. And I hope it works out soon. In the meantime, people have traveled across the country. They’ve made plans. They’re here. I want to do everything I can to make your trip enjoyable and give you a show.”

After which, Ellen added, “and if you don’t like it, you can suck deez nuts,” then pulled out her testicles. – CS

Source: theblemish.com

FADE IN:

INT. CEDARS-SINAI HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

A scream pierces the maternity ward. Ben Affleck holds up a misshapen object with a heartbeat. Jennifer Garner lays unconscious on a hospital bed. Doctor William Thompson has a hand on Ben’s shoulder.

BEN (O.S.)

But..but..we are BEAUTIFUL! How could this be ours?!?

DOCTOR WILLIAM THOMPSON (O.S.)

It is God’s test. We must love the sick, the downtrodden, the poor. Blessed are those that seek beauty within.

Doctor William stifles a laugh.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS (cont.)

What am I saying??!?! My sympathies. That baby will be good at math though.

Ben falls to the ground, arms raised to the heavens and emits a howl filled with pain and torment.

FADE OUT.

— Captain Swarthy

Source: theblemish.com

Footage of Britney Spears running a red light with her kids in the car even after repeated warnings from paparazzi will probably used as more evidence that Britney is an unfit parent. This will be labeled item #348. Please add it to the evidence locker built specifically for Britney. You know where it is.

I’m actually saddened that Britney didn’t hit someone. I wanted to know how her lawyers would respond. “Judge, I… we… look, can I just give you a hand job in the back in exchange for every other Thursday?”

Source: theblemish.com

20 years before

20 years later

Eva, just in case you were wondering, your beauty will not fade. Just look into your future aka Cindy Crawford. Same bone structure, same mole, same flawless skin. What is her secret you ask? Sex. And lots of it. Scientists say it keeps you young, so Cindy must be insatiable. Get with me Eva and I’ll keep that crow’s feet off your face. I’ll be making you feel so young that you’ll be in diapers. – Captain Swarthy

Source: www.celebitchy.com

We can debate all day long about whether or not Maxim’s “Unsexiest” list was okay or not, but there’s one list that’s beyond argument: Maxim’s “Famous People Who Look Like They Smell” list. Now to be fair, it contains 16 people on it, so no doubt, there will be a few you’ll disagree about, and a couple you’ll whole-heartedly defend. But let’s be honest, the distinguished editors at Maxim are a highly professional, ethical bunch, not likely to toss people in here and there on a whim. I’m sure they had a rigorous visual screening process and some type of voting committee. With that said, here’s a few highlights of the “Famous People Who Look Like They Smell” – and what they probably smell like.

Some people just look like they release an unpleasantly pungent aroma. And when we say some people, we mean these people.

15. Flavor Flav
Probably smells like: Colt 45, crack smoke, the collective vaginas of the women from Flavor of Love, Brigitte Nielsen´s penis

13. Louie Anderson
Probably smells like: The fryer at the McDowell´s on Queens Boulevard, exposed gums, the set of Family Feud, failure

9. Amy Winehouse
Probably smells like: Pomade, high-heel blisters, some sort of cheese, Chewbacca

5. Cisco Adler
Probably smells like: Cheez Whiz, elephantiasis balls, elephantiasis balls´ sweat, doody

3. Nick Nolte
Probably smells like: Grain alcohol, GBH, pit stains, pissed pants, bad decisions

1. Andy Rooney
Probably smells like: Sex

[From Maxim]

Bravo, Maxim. Making fun of Cisco Adler’s cantaloupe-sized balls? Not that hard. Saying that bad decisions may actually have a smell? Awesomeness.