Source: theblemish.com

Paris Hilton has denied reports that she will adopt four blond babies in an attempt to form her own Aryan army. When People asked her about it, Paris responded,

“That’s retarded. No, I’m not.”

Paris went on to say she’d rather have her own children. Upon hearing this, a piercing shriek emanated from her uterus. That’s right. Her unborn baby is already trying to kill itself. Based on genetics alone, I expect it to fail.

Source: theblemish.com

Since no one would willingly be Paris Hilton’s BFF, Paris held a contest to find one herself. Turns out there are a lot of sycophants in the world as more than a handful showed up. Auditions …

Source: theblemish.com

After being dumped by Warner Bros., Paris Hilton is looking for a record label willing to partner with her own independent label, Heiress Records, to release a followup to her 2006 flop, Paris. …

Source: theblemish.com

Now that she ditched her ball and chain Benji Madden, Paris can get back to doing what she does best. Vie for everyone’s attention in a half-assed attempt to make up for her loveless childhood. …

Source: theblemish.com

Paris Hilton phoned into Ryan Seacrest and spewed some garbage about how she and Benji are on a break. She said “he is an incredible person” and hinted that there’s a possibility they …

Source: theblemish.com

Star Magazine surprisingly beat everybody to the punch by reporting that Benji Madden, the other Good Charlotte, and Paris Hilton broke up and proved that if you throw enough darts blindfolded …

Source: theblemish.com

Paris Hilton, tired of her sham relationship with Benji Madden or just tired of Benji Madden in general, was reunited with ex-boyfriend Stavros Niachros at Miami nightclub Mokai on Saturday …

Source: theblemish.com

Paris Hilton will join Charlotte Rampling, Allison Janney and Ciaran Hinds in Todd Solondz’s “part sequel, part variation” companion piece to his 1998 film, Happiness.
Todd Solondz is …

Source: theblemish.com

Quite often people compare Paris Hilton’s mentality to that of a five-year-old’s. They have yet to be proven wrong. Here’s Paris out at the grocery store buying Kellog’s Barbie cereal. …

Source: theblemish.com

Just so you know, Paris Hilton exercised her right to vote yesterday and used it as another opportunity for a photo shoot. She put on her most conservative dress and headed to the polling place …

Source: theblemish.com

Whoever becomes our nation’s next president, Obama or McCain, will owe Paris Hilton their undying gratitude. For it is this soulless vessel who encouraged our young, apathetic generation to …