TRAGEDY STRIKES! Jimmy Fallon Engaged! :(
Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com
You guys, I hate to bring you news like this. Hell, I hate to bring me news like this. Jimmy Fallon clearly didn’t get the memo that he is my boyfriend, and went and got his ass engaged to some loser movie producer. Her name is — you know what? Fuck what her name is. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter and her arms are fat. I’m going to call her Fat-Arms. My boyfriend and Fat-Arms got engaged at Fat-Arms’ family home in New Hampshire. He gave her a fancy diamond ring that will probably get stuck on her fat fingers and she’ll have to stick them in a tub of butter to get the ring off when they get divorced because he realizes we were meant to be together. Then she’ll probably eat all the butter.
Fat-Arms met my boyfriend on the set of the Drew Barrymore film Fever Pitch, because Fat-Arms owns Flower Films, the production company behind that particular cinematic opus, along with Drew Barrymore.
This is Jimmy’s first marriage because he was waiting for me until she brainwashed him. It’s also Fat-Arms’ first marriage, for reasons that should be by now obvious.
