Source: theblemish.com

Wave bye-bye to your career Paris.

Us Magazine has confirmed The Simple Life’s second home, E!, will not pick up the show for another season.

“We felt like the real life drama of their lives overshadowed anything happening on the show,” says the insider. “Viewers would see Paris all day long on the news about her going to jail, so they didn’t care about seeing her camping with kids. It just was too played out.”

That’s too bad. I was waiting for the day one or both of them got their hair caught in a tractor. That would have been a good episode and probably would have given them that Emmy they so rightly deserved. They could make a little speech with half their scalp gone and then they would have to live their life as freaks like the bearded lady or Pee-Wee Herman.

Source: theblemish.com

Yesterday, reports came out that Paris Hilton’s grandpa, Barron Hilton, was cutting her out of an inheritance. They lied. TMZ notes that Paris Hilton spent some time with Barron in his Beverly Hills estate after she was released from jail and is expected to inherit close to $30 million. God, that Barron is a senile jerk. On the flip side, Paris can’t inherit anything if no one can find her body. I hear she’s planning on moving into a drainage pipe on the outskirts of town.

Source: theblemish.com

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are finally divorced and have agreed to share equal time with the children. As a result, Britney asked the judge to seal the details of her custody sharing deal with K-Fed because she’s scared her kids will be kidnapped and held for ransom. I believe these would-be kidnappers are part of that radical terrorist cell called Child Protection Services. I don’t know what she’s so scared of. A wild cougar could kidnap her two kids and they’d be better off. The only thing Britney teaches them is how to double fry twinkies and shotgun a diet coke.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

This would just be soooo great.

The ever-enterprising Jenna Jameson’s making a film version of her autobiography, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, and apparently she has her eye on Scarlett Johansson for the starring role.

“I tapped up Scarlett for the part,” she says, “and I’m very excited about the film.”

Asked why she wouldn’t be playing the role herself, Jenna responded, “You know, the truth is, I’m not really a very good actress. I do well on camera when someone puts a cock in my mouth, but otherwise I just come across with a fair amount of awkwardness.”

Nah, I’m kidding. Instead she came up with this little gem: “It was my decision not to play the role because I’ve lived that life already and anyone can play themself.”

Hey, Jenna? Wanna know what’s not a word? Themself. See, because “them” is plural, so you have to use “selves.” Never mind. Just trust me on this.

But never fear! Jenna Jameson’s cock-free film debut is not far away, as she plans to play a super-heroine in a movie spin-off from a new comic book she has written.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

Paris Hilton’s making a comeback, baby, and the wonky eye is coming along for the ride!

The wonky eye has been in hiding recently — it was probably really traumatized by the jail stay and wasn’t quite as ready to face the public again as the rest of Paris’s body — but we can all breathe a sigh of relief, because it’s back! Paris has just announced that she’s working on a new film and a new album, so I just can’t think of a better way to herald the return of the wonky eye! Welcome back, baby!!!

At the Fergie concert in Las Vegas on Sunday night.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

Danica McKellar, who played adorable girl-next-door Winnie on The Wonder Years, is hoping to send a positive message to young women with her new book, Math Doesn’t Suck: How to Survive Middle-School Math Without Losing Your Mind or Breaking a Nail. Danica hopes the book will help encourage young women, who traditionally fall behind boys in the discipline around middle school, to stop hating math so much.

After finishing The Wonder Years, Danica pursued a degree in mathematics at UCLA, managing to co-author a paper with a professor that proves a theorem in mathematical physics.

“When girls see the antics of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, they think that being fun and glamorous also means being dumb and irresponsible,” said McKellar. “But I want to show them that being smart is cool. Being good at math is cool. And not only that, it can help them get what they want out of life.”

Meanwhile, widespread reports indicate that Lindsay Lohan has begun work on her rookie literary effort, Danica McKellar Sucks.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

Because, you know, when it was just one sex tape and one DUI, it was kind of funny to leave these two alone with small children and farm animals. But now we’re dealing with multiple recorded hours of drug use, racist rants, probable herpes infections, pregnancies out of wedlock, three DUIs and two jail sentences, and all of a sudden no one really wants their kids on TV quite that badly anymore.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

Because you’ll definitely want to drop some before you catch her Sweet Escape tour. These are a few pics from the tour’s stop in Sydney. Honestly, people, how can you not get high for this?

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

So I’m flipping through a bunch of photos from the Stardust premiere in LA, and I can’t help but notice that Miss Claire Danes has a distinctly man-like quality in all of them. Is this just me? Has she always kind of had a mannish facial structure? Or has all that homewrecking just given her an extra dose of testosterone recently? What do you guys think?

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

Remember the good old days, when the worst thing we had to say about Britney Spears was that she married Kevin Federline? Back when we thought he was the problem? Oh, how very wrong we were!

Another disastrous chapter in Britney’s life (and, by extension, all of ours) has come to a close, as her divorce from Kevin was finalized today.

It looks like Kevin’s getting $15K/month in child support as well as $20K/month in spousal support, but the spousal support will come to an end in November. The custody arrangement is currently a 50/50 split, but neither party is happy with that arrangement. Kevin, who’s not even on speaking terms with Britney right now, wants full custody, and word on the street is that he plans to go back to court as early as this week to fight for it. Last I heard, Britney’s mother and father are backing up Kevin’s fight for full custody, because they recognize what a train wreck their daughter’s become. Hey, at least they’re not enabling Britney’s insanity, a la Dina Lohan.