Source: seriouslyomg.com

According to TMZ Larry Birkhead is no longer working with his lawyer Debra Opri. She had this to say,"Larry Birkhead and I have terminated our attorney-client relationship effective immediately." TMZ also said that the parting of ways is not really a surprise because the two of them have been butting heads since they were in Florida for the fight over Anna Nicole Smith’s body. There have been a lot of rumors that Birkhead has been trying to work out a deal with Howard K Stern to get back Dannielynn and Opri tried to persuade him against it. Opri did have parting word about her working relationship with Birkhead, "My prayers will be with Larry and Dannielynn always." I just hope he can hire a lawyer that will help him get his daughter back because it just seems Opri was not doing that good of a job on that. I mean how many times can a Judge postpone a DNA test even when the person blocking it was dead?

(Photo from the AP) 

Source: theblemish.com

Can you guys smell the straightness wafting from Ryan Seacrest? The sawdust smell surrounds you like a dense fog, permeating every pore on your lesser non-Ryan Seacrest body. I don’t know how he does it, but if straightness was a style, Ryan would sashay his inglorious manhood all over your closeted pantie wearing body. And before he even reaches the end of the catwalk to flip his pink feathered boa, the audience would clap. God how they would clap. The corridors of American Idol couldn’t even contain the thunderous shrieks of “TOO MUCH MAN!”. Take a look at how Ryan effortlessly flexes and fluffs his butt as his buddy looks on. Not even the most finely crafted arrow could be straighter than that.

Bonus: Ryan Seacrest’s straightest moments.

Source: theblemish.com

This is one of the few times Petra Nemcova looks extremely hot. Usually she has these chipmunk cheeks where it looks like she’s squirreling away nuts. I swear they airbrushed them out. Whatever they did, keep it up. Geez, even my penis is smiling. Can they do that?

Source: theblemish.com

Tara Reid was shopping in Beverly Hills without a bra over the weekend. She thinks people still care about her. That’s cute. What she doesn’t know is that she’s about as memorable as a fart. Maybe less depending on what you ate today.

Source: theblemish.com

You know all those P. Diddy lovers who say the guy can get any woman he wanted? How true is that! As you can tell by this picture, the man is on top of the world. Literally. Ladies with over 50% body fat beware. Diddy is on the prowl.

Picture source

Source: theblemish.com

Michael Jackson touched down (pic source) in London with his two kids on Wednesday. He wrapped their faces in scarves to stave off the paparazzi and because he’s a freak. The mighty bleached one is in town after being forced to sell off part of his Beatles back catalogue for money.

The King of Pop, 48, is rumoured to be in town to meet with Sir Paul McCartney’s people to discuss selling his £200 million Beatles back catalogue. He is being forced to sell off part of his catalogue to stave off bankruptcy.

There are better ways to hide your child. Scarves aren’t too effective. They’re very porous. Next time a simple black garbage bag should do. No one can see through black right? It has to do with physics or economics or something. Sure they’ll be lying lifeless on the ground in 2 minutes, but they will have died happy knowing they really stuck it to the paparazzi.

Source: theblemish.com

Kirsten Dunst picked up her award for Female Star of the Year at the ShoWest Awards in Las Vegas. She won it for her brilliant role in Spider-Man. I can’t remember what she does in the movie. I faintly recall her pouncing on someone and tearing out his jugular with her teeth or was that real life? Shoot, I can’t remember.

In any case, I have an award she still hasn’t picked up. Best impersonation of a mythical creature. The snaggletooth. I’m not making fun of her, I’m honoring her.

Source: theblemish.com

Rehab has done wonders for Lindsay Lohan. Per Page Six, she’s been out every night since last week, hitting the clubs and drinking the alcohol.

The newly blond starlet was with Jude Law at The Box both Friday and Saturday nights, where spies said she was “drinking champagne and dancing with four Lindsay look-alikes.” She also partied at Stereo last Friday, Butter and Bungalow 8 on Monday, and had plans to hit the Plumm last night with pal Charlotte Ronson.

For Lindsay, rehab was a vacation. While everybody was crying about how alcohol ruined their lives, Lindsay was in the back chugging Vodka and laughing. And why wouldn’t she? Rehab is for quitters. No one likes a quitter.

Here’s Lindsay Lohan going to Bungalow 8 yesterday and the day before. As you can tell, she’s committed to her new lifestyle. Few more after the jump.

Source: theblemish.com

Angelina Jolie has cleared the last hurdle. The U.S. Consular has granted Pax Thien Jolie a passport. Credit to Defamer who got the passport photo. Between the media and her life, Angelina has vowed to be a stay at home mom until Pax adjusts to his new life.

“I have four children and caring for them is the most important thing for me at the moment. I am very proud and happy to be their mother. Photographs and press coverage will make him upset. I’m very worried about that. I would like to say I’m sorry for bringing this into Pax’s life.”

I can help Pax adjust to a life constantly surrounded by paparazzi. When those big mean men with cameras come, bury your head in Angelina’s chest. Make sure to shake it left and right for comfort. If she’s not carrying you, run up and cling to her legs looking scared. Bonus if she’s wearing a skirt. Double bonus if she’s commando. That’s just me though. Other people will probably say suck on a juice box. Those people just don’t care as much as I do.

Source: theblemish.com

Two bodyguards have been hired to protect Sienna Miller from a tranny stalker. The stalker, Peter, loves to wear women’s wigs, high-heeled stilettos, fake fur coats and dresses. How delectable!

“Sienna has been bombarded with bizarre letters from a transvestite and has hired two security men. In his letters he talks about being obsessed with her look. He tries to follow her everywhere. The poor girl hasn’t been sleeping properly because she has been so scared. Things just got to the point that she just had to take extra care of herself.”

That’s it? Oh please, this isn’t news at all. Don’t act like he was chasing you with a 13 inch galvanized dildo. He’s just your average run-of-the-mill stalker. Even I’ve had one. She followed me everywhere I went. Always collecting my underwear like a pervert. One day she was daring enough to wrap her arms around me. “Get away from me you crazy brute,” I screamed. She giggled and started squeezing harder. I think she was trying to cave in my lungs. I busted out my karate and roundhouse kicked her head. Come to think of it, that’s around the time I was put up for adoption. What an odd coincidence.