Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

It’s Top 12 time. NB: I decided to quit smoking yesterday, I’m going on two hours of sleep, and I just gagged my way through the first twenty-five minutes of MTV’s True Life: I’m a Genius in order to give my TiVo a head start, so this recap is going to be bitchy.

Before we begin, I’d like to note that somehow it is going to take two hours for twelve people to sing a Diana Ross song. It would probably take less time to teach Paula Abdul to play Diana Ross’s entire repertoire on the tuba. But alas.

Side note: Remember Brian Dunkleman? Yeah. Remember that comedian who shot himself in the face this week? Yeah. Strangely enough, not the same person.

Ryan is once again plowing new fashion ground, wearing a rusted silver (like Tin Man silver) collared shirt, a copper tie, and a grey vest and suit jacket. Honestly, the only word that comes to mind for this particular color palette is “discordant.” How is anyone supposed to sing on key with that ensemble so nearby? Why can’t he just dress normal? They’re also in a new theater, which has been designed specifically to look like the inside of a pinball machine. The producers kept calling the art director like, “No, no, not tacky enough yet.”

Lots more recap after the jump.

We talk to the judges, then we hear all about Diana Ross, who is famous and — oh my God — looks a lot like Oprah Winfrey today. I would talk about what she’s wearing in the video clip, but then I’d have to smoke. It hurts that badly.

Up first is Brandon, who describes Diana as “the star to which a lot of stars are compared to,” and I’m just going to hang out and enjoy that for a minute. Brandon is a pleasant surprise to me every week. I’m always like “Ooh, who’s that cute black kid? Oh, his name’s Brandon! He’s sexy! How nice of him to show up on this television program this week.” So forgettable. Brandon’s singing now, and I would write about it, but I can’t hear his voice over his shirt, a violet tie-dyed button-down which is not tucked into his slacks. His singing is incredibly dull. He’s not even done yet and I forgot him. Oh, and since there’s only twelve of them, they’re letting them sing forever and ever and this will never stop and then his shirt starts to sing the harmony and … oh, praise Jesus, it’s over. Randy was not impressed. Ha ha, Paula’s pretty out of it. Her eyes are all over the place, and glazed like a donut. Simon thought it sucked. “No star quality,” which is absolutely true. Ryan comes over and he’s all like “Dude, can I borrow your shirt?” and Brandon’s all like “Only if I can borrow yours,” and Ryan’s all like, “Sure, maybe you could tie-dye the bottom of it so it’s super cool like yours?” and Brandon’s all like “Yeah buddy, for sure” and then they make out.

DRINK COKE DRINK COKE DRINK COKE DRINK COKE

Okay, I’m just going to come out and say it: Melinda Doolittle’s whole wide-eyed-who-me?-I’m-just-a-back-up-singer thing is really starting to bother me. I dug it the first couple of shows, because I believed it. She was surprised at all the attention. She never thought she was so talented. Okay. Great. But after the 8 billion times that Simon Cowell ate her out while muttering about how much he loves her humility, it’s starting to seem really forced. And it annoys me now. So there.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh holy shit.

So there’s this whole retarded discourse between Ryan and Melinda about high heels and I’m not really listening because suddenly it’s occurred to me that eating Q-tips covered in ear wax would be cooler than trying to follow this conversation. Then all of a sudden Ryan’s like, “Simon, any advice on the high heels?” and Simon’s like, “You should know, Ryan,” and Ryan’s like, “Stay out of my closet,” in the most oh-my-God-are-we-really-playing-this-game sort of way, and then Simon is like “Come out.” And then Ryan is like “This is about the top twelve, not your wishes,” and, all throughout America, mothers are having to explain this conversation to their small children. Meanwhile, Melinda is sitting there with her head in her hands, like, “Glad I have to sing after your little homo spat, kids. Awesome.”

I have to hand it to Melinda, though, she’s always great on stage, although this is the most boring song ever. It’s the boring one from The Wiz. Oh, wait, all the songs from The Wiz are the boring one. The audience is cheering like they’ve ever heard this song before, which they haven’t. Randy liked it. Melinda is crying. HA HA HA!!! PAULA IS CRYING!!! She is such a train wreck. She’s beyond a train wreck. She’s, like, the smoldering ashes and metal that doesn’t get picked up for days after the rescue efforts have been abandoned. She is gone. Simon asks Melinda why she’s crying and she’s all like “Because it makes me an increasingly sympathetic character and will help garner votes,” and Simon’s all like, “Wanna give me a hand job?” No but then Simon is actually like “I’ve always thought that song was quite boring,” and I love him because we agree on everything.

Chris Sligh, who is singing “Endless Love” and — does he normally wear glasses? Yeah, he does, and he looks really weird now without them — and he’s trying to make sexy eyes into the camera in an Adam Duritz sort of way, but where Adam is incredibly sexy and amazing (I love you Adam, please call me), Chris is more just large and creepy. Randy thought it was a mess. Paula thought he was trying too hard to be hip, which is actually rather incisive of her. Simon hated it. The audience boos half-heartedly, and Simon points that out. “I would keep your glasses on,” he says. Damn. Simon and I are soulmates. Chris proceeds to blame the whole catastrophe on the arrangement, which is as fucking classy as it is accurate.

Gina Glocksen. I’m interested to see this. This is SO not her element. Hm. I’m scared for her for about the first ten seconds of “Love Child,” but she’s kind of working this. Lord, I think her pants are pleather. She does okay when the notes are high and can be belted, but when the song is at its lower, more subtle parts, you kind of forget she’s on stage. It’s like she’s just rushing through those parts to get to the belting. No one was impressed. Ooh, Ryan has unbuttoned his suit jacket, so we get to check out the vest in all its glory.

Oh good, Sanjaya. Man, I just plain old hate him. I’m sorry. Why is he still here? Diana Ross hates him too, and that makes me happy. You can tell she’s kind of like “Why am I spending my time with this talentless hack?” Sanjaya hits the stage and — OH MY GOD HIS HAIR IS IN RINGLETS!!! HE LOOKS LIKE CURLY SUE!! — proceeds to whisper the words to “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” with about the same amount of enthusiasm I tend to dedicate to urination. WHY IS THIS KID STILL HERE? OMG I hate him. Randy’s laughing it sucked so hard. He can’t stop laughing. Paula then explodes into a series of words I recognize as belonging to the category of “English,” but beyond that I can’t make heads or tails of them. Okay, so Simon’s like “When you hear a wail in Beverly Hills, that is where Diana Ross is watching this show,” and everyone is completely and utterly confused because they think he said “whale” instead of “wail” and it takes them a long time to sort it out, but eventually they start booing, because Sanjaya has curly hair and so they love him. Ultimately, 17-year-old Sanjaya has completely failed Homonyms 101, because Simon has to explain that he meant Diana Ross will “scream,” because one of the producers whispered into his ear piece that Americans don’t have anything bordering on an acceptable public education system. Then, because what if the horse isn’t dead yet?, Ryan talks about the “marine biology” whale versus the one Simon was talking about. Key takeaway: Diana Ross, no one is calling you a whale.

DRINK COKE DRINK COKE DRINK COKE DRINK COKE

Haley Scarnato answering a viewer question: Where is the craziest place you ever sang? “Oh, man,” says Haley, “in my fiancee’s little brother’s bed, right on top of the Superman sheets because he’d just stepped out to borrow a basketball from the kid down the street but we laid down a towel and … oh, wait, sang? Oh. Here, I guess.” With her hair straight in her video clip, she looks a lot like Vanessa Minnillo. She’s singing “Missing You,” but, while Diana was singing about Marvin Gaye, Haley is singing about her voice, because it is totally MIA tonight. Like Gina, she’s okay when she’s got a high note to belt, but anything requiring any degree of subtlety is a lost cause. Um, she loses the rhythm for awhile and, like, has a minor seizure on stage, and I hate that I think her dress is cute but I do, and now she looks like she’s going to cry. Randy thought she sucked. So did Paula. Simon actually thought it wasn’t bad, liked her stage presence, and demonstrates that he remembered her name this time. Haley looks like she’s going to faint. She’s like, “I messed up my words, and I feel like such a shmuck,” and that’s pretty endearing.

Phil Stacey, looking fabulously vampiric in a black shirt and eyebrows darker than I remember them. He’s actually doing a very nice job with the whole singing thing. I’d almost forgotten that was the goal here. Randy liked his vocals. Paula didn’t like the arrangement. Why are they blaming these kids for bad arrangements? Simon thought it was “okay.” I’m getting tired.

LaKisha Jones, who does a predictably nice job with “God Bless the Child.” Yeah, this is exactly how you’re supposed to sing this song. Randy loved it. So did Paula. Simon adores her.

Blake Lewis, who, to his credit, did his own arrangement for this. “You Keep Me Hanging On.” I dig Blake. He’s kind of doing a “techno” spin on the song, and I had high hopes for it, but it falls flat. It’s, like, half-techno, half-1960s, and it doesn’t work. I really hoped he’d totally commit to a fresh arrangement, and he didn’t. It’s possible that the producers just didn’t fully accommodate his vision for the song, but this comes off awkward for me. Randy liked it, but reminds him that he doesn’t have to “Blake-ize” every song. Paula talks. Simon’s all like, “I didn’t get that,” because Simon’s the only one paying attention to anything happening on that stage.

Beyonce Stephanie Edwards, singing “Love Hangover.” She’s doing a great job vocally, and then she grabs the mic off the stand and starts strutting around stage Beyonce-style. I like Stephanie Edwards, but we don’t really need her on the music scene when we have Beyonce Knowles. Paula is up out of her seat and “dancing,” and suddenly I’m transported to a parallel universe in which an award-winning choreographer thinks dancing is performing pelvic thrusts against the table with growing abandon. For what it’s worth, they’re two-thirds of the way done giving her notes before I notice, because I was too busy thinking about whether I should take NyQuil or codeine syrup to insure that I sleep tonight. That’s how much I care about Stephanie. Anyway, these notes don’t matter, no one liked the arrangement (jesusfuckingchrist, it’s not American Musical Arranger, guys), but they all seem to agree that her vocals were decent.

Okay, someone named Chris is up now, and it’s not Chris Sligh, and I swear to you I have absolutely no recollection of this person. I have never seen him before in my whole life. I am certain now that the original male contestant died late last week after drinking from Paula’s Coke cup, and, in order to avoid a scandal, the producers just swept the whole thing under the rug and stuck some new kid in his place as though nothing ever happened. I have no idea who this guy is. No idea. WHO IS THIS KID AND WHAT IS ON HIS FACE? A moustache? That is much too dignified a term for that thing crawling above his lip. He looks like he could be Kevin Federline’s less attractive kid brother. Just as talented, too. That’s probably who he is. Someone was all like, “Where can we find a teenage kid at three o’clock in the morning” and one of the props guys was on his way to K-Fed’s to pick up a dime bag and so they called him on his cell and they were all like “Hey, how old are Kevin’s kids? Oh really? Yeah, that won’t work. Does he have a little brother? Tell him we have a periwinkle shirt he can wear.” Anyway, Randy and Paula liked it. Simon thought it was “dreadful,” because Simon is right.

Jordin Sparks. Ha! She’s warming up with Diana Ross, and I keep thinking that I know this song from somewhere. A movie or a TV show. I can’t quite place it. Then, Ryan, to the rescue! “This song was featured in The Land Before Time.” Yes! That’s it! Littlefoot! Oh I LOVE this song. And the young Jordin, who hasn’t blown my mind yet this season, really brings it home. Wow, she’s actually giving me chills, which may be in part because I have such a strong childhood attachment to this song, but she’s doing a phenomenal job with it. Randy is impressed with her. Paula loves her. Simon loved it and thinks she has a shot at the finals. Every time Jordin stands next to Ryan it makes me laugh. She is Gulliver and he is a Lilliputian. It’s so funny.

Praise the Lord, we are done. If Sanjaya doesn’t go home tomorrow, I quit. Honestly.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

I know that this video isn’t new to some of you…but for those that thought the “Dick in the Box” was the only funny thing on SNL in the past few months check out “The Dakota Fanning Show.” I love Amy Poehler, she really rocks my world almost as much as Tina Fey. A little industry secret from the T…they are doing a movie together very soon! Yea!!!!

Amy as Dakota Fanning and Drew Barrymore as Abigail Breslin is just too funny for words. It is rare when SNL makes me laugh out loud so if you haven’t checked this out please do. It is quite funny that while Dakota Fanning tries to push the limits of her acting chops Abigail has taken over as the sweet little girl people like to have appear on their red carpets in party dresses. Ah, youth fades honey, strike while the iron is hot.

It is totally safe for work and funny enough that you could foward this link to your friends and family…then they can find the boobs, va jay jay, and dirty posts from the Beeters on their own…

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

Olivia Newton John and her daughter, Chloe, talk to Woman’s Day magazine about the battle with anorexia that they both seem to have convinced themselves Chloe is winning. When asked about how she’s doing today, Chloe says, “I’m taking very good care of myself now but I’m not going to be like ‘Oh, I eat pizza every day!’” I assure you this girl hasn’t eaten pizza since sometime in 2003. Get healthy, Chloe!! Those legs are NOT sexy and it is NO FUN to be hungry.

More interview highlights after the jump.

[source]

Chloe, given your mother is so healthy and clear-headed, did it take her long to see the signs?

I think that it’s hard for a parent to notice what their child is going through. Maybe sometimes parents don’t want to notice what’s going on. As a parent, you want to think everything is ok.

How did your mum react when you told her about your anorexia?

There wasn’t really a moment when I told her I had a problem. I was more in denial about it. I think she was the one that had to come to terms with it because everyone was in denial. When you go through things like that it’s a long process of accepting what’s going on.

Chloe, you’re still very slim today. Do you feel you’ve now triumphed over your eating disorder?

I’m taking very good care of myself now but I’m not going to be like ‘Oh, I eat pizza every day!’ And I’m honest about that. It hurts my heart when I think how many girls are going through that [eating disorders], and I’m lucky that I got through it because it’s a fatal thing if you don’t pull through it.

Olivia, what advice would you give to mothers in your situation?

That the parent need look at why their child has developed such a detrimental disease. And look at the issues causing the disorder. Listen to your child. Be supportive. Eating disorders are usually nothing to do with food. Parents need to be with their child to see them through it. All the therapists in the world can’t help if the parents aren’t present, loving and proactive.

Olivia, which of Chloe’s personal qualities are you most proud of?

I love her honesty. I love her purity. She’s a very loving girl. She’s very true in her strength of character. She’s gone through a lot and she’s got such strength. She’s got a great sense of humour. She’s very funny and very intelligent. And, then, obviously her talent.

Source: evilbeetgossip.com

Over the past few months, we have seen without a shadow of a doubt that Anna Nicole potential impregnator Larry Birkhead is — if nothing else — a genius at making an household name out of a talentless nobody, so perhaps it’s no wonder that super-agent Ari Gold once called on him to resurrect a career for Johnny “Drama” Chase in an effort to appease Drama’s more successful younger brother. Check out this screen cap from an episode of Entourage. That is unmistakably Larry Birkhead in that boardroom. As Defamer points out, there is no mention of Birkhead on IMDB, so he wasn’t formally credited, but I’m sure he’s grateful that his brief foray into HBO dramedies will not go unnoticed by his fans.

Update: Fabulous! TMZ has the video now. Ha. “I don’t care if it’s a porn shoot in which he is being ganged raped by a gaggle of silver-backed apes. If there are cameras rolling, everybody wins.” I love Ari Gold.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

Media giant Viacom is suing YouTube, and its new parent company, Google, for copyright infringement, to the tune of $1 billion-with-a-B, after negotiations toward creating a partnership between the two groups fell apart. Viacom wants the courts to issue an injunction preventing YouTube from further copyright infringement while the case is pending.

For their part, the Google folks are “confident that YouTube has respected the legal rights of copyright holders and believe the courts will agree.”

I, for one, don’t see how that’s possible, but what do I know? Man, this sort of thing never would have happened when YouTube was an independent company with zilch on the balance sheet. Damn you, Google.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay. Where would we be without you? I know things are rough for you, what with you father being released from prison in, like, two hours, but do you really have to take your inner fear out on all the other women of Hollywood?

Lindsay’s prepping to head for London to film a new movie, The Best Time of Our Lives (co-starring Keira Knightley), and decided to get all her NYC (”sober”) partying out of her system beforehand. On her to-do list: DJ AM, recently split from Mandy Moore, and Jude Law, the on-again-off-again boyfriend of Sienna Miller. Lindsay partied with the two of them until the wee hours of the morning this weekend. Her mom Dina was at her side throughout, probably because she knows her daughter can score the best blow in town.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

In a gossip world defined by an unending series of rehab entrances and exits, suicides and divorces, it’s refreshing to come across a plain old-fashioned Brooke-Shields-got-stuck-in-her-trailer piece. Shields was in New York, filming Lipstick Jungle for NBC (based on a novel by Sex and the City columnist Candace Bushnell), when she and her two young daughters somehow became locked in her trailer. Crew members could not pry open the front door of her trailer, so one climbed through the window to rescue the ladies.

Source: www.celebitchy.com

Woody Harrelson was hanging out with his buddy Owen Wilson at The Other Room lounge in Venice, CA on March 3rd. Woody tried to leave the bar holding with two glasses of wine, which every college student knows is forbidden, and was blocked by one of the bouncers. Woody went bezerk on the guy and punched him. Another bouncer stepped in, and Woody kept throwing punches and fighting. He even scratched one of the guys near his eye, and onlookers say there was blood all over the place as Woody had cut his hand on the broken glass from his smuggled wine.

The cops, who just happened to be within viewing distance at the time, cuffed him and eventually released him when the bouncers refused to press charges. Owen Wilson was not involved in the fight and seems to have been mortified by his friends abusive episode. He probably won’t be hanging out with Woody any time soon:

Trouble began about 12:30 a.m., when Woody - holding two glasses of wine - exited the bar with Owen, charge insiders.

A bouncer stepped in front of Woody and told him he couldn’t take the wine, but the actor ignored him, said a source at the bar.

The bouncer then blocked Woody’s path with outsretched arms.

“Woody screamed: ‘Take your hands off me!’ as he threw wine on the bouncer and sucker-punched him,” said a source at the bar.

That started a full-scale brawl in the street, with a second bouncer joining in and wrestling Woody to the ground. Woody punched and scratched the bouncers and gouged a fingernail into one of their faces, just about [sic] the eye, said the bar source.

“Blood was streaming down the bouncer’s face, and Woody cut his hand on the broken glass on the sidewalk… Blood was all over the place.”

Two California Highway Patrol officers, who were writing a ticket across the street, raced over to stop the fight.

“Woody was still flaling away, and the officers ended up cuffing him and putting him in the back of a squad car while they tried to sort out the mess…”

Neither Woody nor the bouncer wanted to go to the hospital. “Paramedics taped Woody’s cut hand.”

[From The National Enquirer print edition, March 19, 2007]

Owen Wilson kept apologizing afterwards, saying “I’m sorry I brought him.”

Cops wrote a report about the incident and sent Woody home. He’s not in the clear yet, the bar could still press charges against him, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they sued him. They would have a good case since Woody has a history of abusive outbursts and was caught on tape last July grabbing a paparrazo by the neck and yelling at him. Harrelson was out with a woman who wasn’t his wife at the time.

Harrelson has three children with his wife Laura Louie, Dennie, 14, Zoe, 10, and Mikini, 9 months. He doesn’t seem like an easy guy to live with.

He is known as an advocate for the environment and for the legalization of marijuana.

Source: seriouslyomg.com

According to Fox411,  Whitney Houston will begin working on her new album today. Am I the only one who thought she had been working on it?

Fox411 says that Clive Davis has chosen 7 songs for the album and several great producers and song writers for her to work with including R Kelly and Diane Warren. 

It is going to be interesting to see if the long awaited will be as good as she has been looking recently. At least this is the type of album Clive is good at.

(Photo credit Reuters) 

Source: seriouslyomg.com