Source: theblemish.com

A while back, Kim Kardashian swore up and down there was no sex tape of her and Ray J experimenting with pee. Now she changes her tune and admits there are tapes. Yes, tapes, plural. Kardashian told E!’s Daily Ten,

“Have there been tapes? Maybe, yes,” she confessed. “But are they for sale? No. Not for sale. That’s our business.”

Sources have long professed to the existance of these tapes and that Kim is actively involved in selling them. Sugar DVD and Joe Francis’ Girl’s Gone Wild are just two companies rumored to have acquired the video. However, Kimmy states that she’s not poor and desperate enough to sell a sex tape that would humiliate her family. According to the giant boobs I’m staring at, the two businesses she runs are proof enough she doesn’t need the money.

Kim Kardashian runs two businesses? Can you write off your own vagina and anus as expenses? Because last time I checked, the IRS still adheres to some pretty Draconian laws with nary a mention of bodily orifices. But maybe, just maybe, Kim could be the catalyst that brings them into the 21st century.

Source: theblemish.com

Over the past few days, the crack team of TMZ have kept us up to date about a lover’s quarrel between Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnilo. On Thursday in NYC’s Plumm nightclub during an impromptu performance by Joey McIntyre, a Jessica Simpson look-a-like was seen sitting on Nick’s lap. Not squatting like you would over a public toilet. Sitting! As she left, she gestured for Nick to call her. Well, Vanessa caught what happened and told Nick “we have to talk” before running outside. (Women make a lot of sense.) A few more words were exchanged until they finally left in a cab together.

We’ve all been there so you know how the rest of the story goes. Once they got home, they had angry make-up sex. It involved biting, hair pulling, handcuffs, whips, a whiffle ball bat and an octopus. Incidentally, that’s the only thing that separates us from celebrities. The expensive octopus.

Source: theblemish.com

Carlos Leone, ex-husband of Madonna, isn’t too happy his 10-year-old daughter, Lourdes, is losing her American accent. At the recent premiere of Arthur and the Invisibles, Lourdes was heard speaking with a full-on British accent.

Madonna’s spokeswoman says these reports are greatly exaggerated and that to her, she always sounds a little American and a little British. She quickly shifted the topic to how much of a natural beauty 10-year-old Lourdes is. Well, I’m glad we can finally focus on the important stuff. There’s been a raging debate going on in my head over whether or not Lourdes would turn into a total skank like Dakota Fanning in three years.

Source: theblemish.com

Britney Spears hit fashion week in New York forgetting to take off the tags on a small black dress. If you can see it, the tag says XS which I can only take to mean Xtra Slutty because it sure as hell doesn’t mean what it’s supposed to. The only way she’d fit into xtra small these days is if she raided the plus size department or if the jaws of life were used. That’s all speculation of course. The best way to find out what she really wears and where she does all her shopping is to follow the trail of melted Dove bars. A much bigger version here if you want to take a crack at finding out where it came from.

Source: theblemish.com

Andy Dick is my hero. No, not really. Andy Dick is an attention starved kid who does nothing but annoy the hell out of people. Ivanka Trump took time off from squeezing her suddenly larger breasts together to appear on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Andy Dick started molesting her for whatever reason and was forcibly removed. So to recap. Andy Dick was on a talk show. I read somewhere that this is one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

Source: theblemish.com

In March’s Elle, yea again, Jessica Simpson talks about how hurt she was after the divorce from Nick Lachey. She says they still keep in touch. She’s then asked about whether or not she’s in love with Jon Mayer. There’s no answer, but it’s obvious she is. As for when she knew there was no saving her marriage she followed the sage advice of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams,

“I watched The Notebook on a plane home to Waco to be with my grandparents,” she says. “It’s a great love story.” The movie itself, she says, was “not what sealed it. I just figured out the statement. It was about that moment of desperation. I needed to breathe.”

And breathe she did because she showed up looking like a tranny bear at club Hyde the other day. I don’t know what to think of Jessica. On one hand she has huge breasts which no one can ignore. On the other hand it’s really a gamble once your eyes hit her face. It’s like playing Russian Roulette without the fortuitous release of death.

Note: For some reason this disappeared off the page sometime today.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

You are way, way cooler than the cop who pulled me over last week, and much nicer than the cop who pulled me over the week before that. Thanks for being a doll. I will live to terrorize the roads of Los Angeles another day.

With love,
Beet

Also, Paris got that restraining order against ParisExposed.com, further insuring that her latest “passion” project will stay front and center as everyone goes to print next week. Say what you will, but that girl’s a genius.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

I’m just not sure. I’m never sure with him. Check out this video of Andy being forcibly escorted off the set of Jimmy Kimmel’s show after getting a little handsy with Ivanka Trump (who, despite all the shit I talk about her, always manages to come off very classy and artciulate).

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

I’m of two minds regarding the news that Kylie Minogue has split from her boyfriend. My first thought is that Kylie started performing music during the Great Depression of 1812 and thus news of her sexy business isn’t terribly relevant.

My second thought is that she’s still really fucking hot.

Okay, I’ve decided, it’s the latter, so I’m interested to see who is next on the boyfriend list. I’m betting on Prince.

Source: www.evilbeetgossip.com

I guess it’s music Saturday here at the Beet.

I’ve just received news that one of my most favoritest bands, Hometown Heroes, is competing to be a part of PhillySoundClash, a Philadelphia battle of the bands type of thing. I’ve been following these guys for, oh, about 8 years, back when they were called Edward Sunnyside and playing local joints in Tempe (go Sun Devils!).

They need votes to get in!!!

You can hear two of their songs and vote for them here.

It takes two seconds! Vote for Hometown Heroes! Voting is open through Monday.