I’ll never be as good as the Beet but I feel obligated to satiate your potent Idol thirst.

Chris Sligh says his comments weren’t meant as disrespectful. I get what he’s saying, going after Simon’s producing credits is meant more as a love note. Idiot.

So they got rid the Asian, that’s poor form, and Antonella seemed to know she was done, she had that glazed look in her eye, and yet she survived.

Amy got eliminated. Was she on the show? Oh yeah, the “I can’t make you love me” girl. That’s one of the worst songs ever, especially for stalkers. You CAN make someone love you, keep that dream alive.

Which of these things is not like the other? Kelly Clarkson. Carrie Underwood. Fantasia Barrino. The good news is after she’s done doing Broadway she can finally get back to writing novels (which has always been her real strength).

Alaina is safe! I don’t know why, but I’m crushing. Nicole goes home which is good. I had an ex named Nicole.

Rudy gets thrown off and Paula says “I think Rudy has one of the best vocals.” She clearly didn’t watch the show or ever speak English.

Oh no, Paul Kim said this was his last shot at music!! What about the shower bud?

I’ve always admired the fact that the departees sing because I’d throw my microphone down and say “fuck y’all, I ain’t your dancin’ monkey.” Clearly I’d be really southern in my version. Rudy doesn’t even get to finish his song on my TiVo version. Don’t worry man, call me and I’ll have you over to sing the last minute for me and my friends. I’ll even throw ya a $20 for your trouble.

The kid mauls “Free Ride” (again) and our 2.5 hour Idol journey is mercifully over for the week. Boo to the yeah.