Source: theblemish.com

If you’d like to see Lindsay Lohan’s side boob, please make an appointment. There will be showings today at 9 a.m., 11 a.m., 3 p.m., 6 p.m. and a final showing at 10 p.m. where there will be fireworks and lemonade.

Source: theblemish.com

Ricky Martin yesterday became father to twin boys through a surrogate mother.

“The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky’s full-time care,” said the statement. “Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children.”

It’s funny when they say Ricky will spend the next year out of the spotlight. The AP probably gave his reps a funny look and asked, “Ricky who? Oh, him. Isn’t he gay?!” Anyway, isn’t he gay? My magic 8-ball says, “All signs point to yes.”

Source: theblemish.com

Here’s Megan Fox attempting to seduce me while on set of Transformers 2. *Rolls eyes* I know your game Megan and I don’t think the producers appreciate you spending valuable studio time lusting over me. In fact, I think we should see other people. I’d say it’s not you, it’s me, but that would be a lie. The truth is I can’t take this anymore. You’re too clingy. I feel I’m being stifled. I need to be free like a beautiful butterfly. Free to suck nectar from the teat of other beautiful butterflies. For that is the way of the butterfly.

Source: theblemish.com

The drunken Hamburgler known as David Hasselhoff, in a very vain attempt at jumping on the social network bandwagon, has created a brand new social networking site centered around him called HoffSpace. Now you can interact with people around the world who are just as deranged as you. On his site, David explains the impetus for this tragic mistake:

In my travels round the world I have always been surprised that no matter where I go people recognize and know me, from Europe, Australia and India to the Philippines and the Zulu Nation in South Africa. This got me thinking… I realized that while two people from two entirely different countries and backgrounds may seem to have nothing in common, the only thing they might have in common is me… So I decided to start a network where people from across the world might come together and get a conversation started over me. Where it will lead, I don’t know but the world would be a better place if everyone talked a little more to each other…

So here is HoffSpace. There are videos and photos of the adventures of my life (THAT NO ONE ELSE GETS TO SEE) and also from the lives of other members. Read the discussions or start a forum on a topic that interests you.

David boasts that the site already has 13,424 members. These lucky few will not only have access to the video of The Hoff after a night of drinking, but they’ll also have access to other David Hasselhoff classics such as The Hoff ruins Christmas, The Hoff drinks while driving, The Hoff plays quarters with Lindsay Lohan and my personal favorite, The Hoff makes a vodka cheeseburger shake and finds out it’s not as tasty as he imagined.

Source: theblemish.com

Audrey Tautou is in Italy on vacation and like the other celebs, is dawdling at the beach. Her bikini really highlights how sickly and frail she is. Like her muscles have atrophied to the point where they can no longer support the rest of her body and at any moment, she’ll collapse into a puddle of human flesh and powdered bone. Of course, this also manages to describe the perfect woman. They put up less of a struggle when they’re like this.

Source: theblemish.com

OK! Magazine gives Britney Spears a verbal handjob in their latest issue. They congratulate her on her new figure and don’t even use backhanded compliments. Sounds lame.

“I’m the healthiest I’ve been all my life,” Britney, 26, tells OK!. “My diet has a lot to do with my getting into shape. I have no sugar. I don’t eat fruit or even fruit juice because of the sugar. I eat chicken and salmon and rice. I eat avocados. I’ll have egg whites for breakfast and sometimes turkey burgers for lunch. I try to do just 1,200 calories a day. It may sound like it’s not much, but it’s actually a lot of food if you eat the right things.”

Britney’s trainer, Adam Cronin, claims that his workout program coupled with his diet plan allowed Britney to lose up to 12 pounds in 30 days. Now with just five easy payments of $19.95, you too can be like Britney. Don’t miss out. Start eating yourself to an early grave, today!

Source: theblemish.com

Will you remember where you were and what you were doing the day you saw Audirina Patridge in a staged bikini event for the third time? Why, yes, you will. You were in front of your computer, head held firmly in hands, weeping over life being unfair and cursing the gods for allowing your last french fry to drop on the carpet.

Source: theblemish.com

For whatever reason, Health Magazine must have thought it would be a riot to interview questionable size 2 actress, Jennifer Love Hewitt, who recently lost weight to make herself feel better. Health does the normal routine, asking her about her impending 30th birthday, her workout routine and her body. Jennifer goes through the motions, “I’m running a marathon,” “I enjoy yoga,” and “Enjoy your body while you’re young.” There is one gem in this interview when Jennifer offers sage advice to young impressionable girls.

How has your relationship with your body changed over the years?
…I wish I had been nude from the time I was 12 until I was 28. I looked great! I want to tell all young girls to walk around in bikinis all summer—and enjoy it. I want to tell them to never, ever feel bad about anything, because there will be that one day in your 20s when you’ll eat a hamburger and actually see the hamburger on the side of your leg. Initially it’s shocking, and you think, Whoa, I have to actually think about what I eat and work out double the amount I did before. Then you go, Well, now my body gets to make children, which is so cool. And I suddenly don’t look like a little girl anymore. I look like a woman. How exciting is that? You start to find value in other things.

I like how Jennifer defines 28 as the turning point. Coincidentally, that’s right around the time she started letting herself go and “becoming a woman.” That’s also about the time she convinced herself she was still a size 2 despite needing a shoe horn and grease to slip into her jeans. Amazing how that works. Now she says she’s no longer a little girl. Well, if this is what a woman looks like, let it be known, I much prefer little girls. You hear me? I want to have sex with little girls. Wait, no. Aw, crap.

Source: theblemish.com

A few blogs reported through sources (read: wild imaginations) that Amanda Beard and Michael Phelps hooked up / are dating. This video may be evidence to the contrary. Amanda called into the Johnjay and Rich show to deny the rumors. Her exact words were, “eww, eww, eww, eww,” and “C’mon, I have really good taste.”

Oh, I know, right? Michael Phelps is a goofy looking bastard and Amanda is a Greek goddess. Why would she ever willingly, without a gun to her head, date a guy (eight time gold medal winner in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, fourteen overall) who’s so obviously beneath her (two career gold medals). She’s Aphrodite incarnate.

Source: theblemish.com

Isla Fisher (Wedding Crashers) is married to Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) and they just had a baby together. Here’s Isla doing cartwheels on the beach in a red one-piece bathing suit. Fascinating. I hope we can agree that this has been an illuminating experience for all of us. Ultra HQ of header photo here.